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Original poster

'Romantic love is a myth and quite dangerous'

33 replies

Pyewhacket · 21/02/2023 09:31

Dame Emma Thompson warns people to take it 'with a pinch of salt' and that 'if anyone thinks that happy ever after has a place in our lives, forget it'.

Quite probably the most irritating person in London but does she have a point ?.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pyewhacket · 21/02/2023 09:34

Just to add that I disagree with her but I have friends, both male and female, who applaud her "honesty".

OP posts:
saddilema · 21/02/2023 09:54

I see her point. My first marriage was for love but once we had kids and the reality of daily life of bills, work, limited money etc that disappeared. Once kids were older we drifted as nothing much in common and eventually divorced.

In my 50s I met a lovely, kindly man who is my best friend and we have so much in common. We are married very happily as like each others company. But there was no passionate intense romance.

Of course there has to be a physical and emotional attraction too.

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 21/02/2023 09:59

Wow!

I’m thrilled to see someone speaks like that openly.
How refreshing!

Do you have a link?
I’d like to read it.

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 21/02/2023 10:00

Also, op why so salty?
Or is it because you don’t like her personally?

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 21/02/2023 10:04

Oh, nevermind, I found the article, it was actually really boring.
All it was about was having to work on your relationship.
Big whoop.

Now I’m more confused why op was so upset….

Bunbuns3 · 21/02/2023 11:12

How true!

butterfliedtwo · 21/02/2023 11:13

Finally someone said it.

Original poster
Pyewhacket · 21/02/2023 12:54

Now I’m more confused why op was so upset….

I'm not upset. I just thought it was an interesting question - can true love endure in a long-term relationship/marriage?.

OP posts:
DixonD · 21/02/2023 13:11

I wouldn’t say it was dangerous, but she definitely has a very valid point. I think it may feel like romantic, “movie” live love in its early stages but not as time moves on. It’s hard!

DixonD · 21/02/2023 13:12

Just love, no live!

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 21/02/2023 13:14

I think we overuse the word 'love' to the point that it has become meaningless. The fairytale 'true love' version seems to me to be infatuation or lust, which can be amazing but in many cases won't hold up well to picking his socks up off the floor every day for 40 years. There needs to be more to it than that.

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 21/02/2023 13:17

Pyewhacket · 21/02/2023 12:54

Now I’m more confused why op was so upset….

I'm not upset. I just thought it was an interesting question - can true love endure in a long-term relationship/marriage?.

What is true love?

I do believe love probably is a real thing, but it’s so much rarer than we think.

Most people are just co-dependent, scared to be alone, go with the ’LifePlan’, in it for lifestyle and money, demands from their partners etc.
How many couples actually had any RealLove in the begin with?
I’d guess not many.

NotableSilences · 21/02/2023 13:22

Pyewhacket · 21/02/2023 12:54

Now I’m more confused why op was so upset….

I'm not upset. I just thought it was an interesting question - can true love endure in a long-term relationship/marriage?.

But there you go assuming 'true love' is some kind of ahistorical, timeless idea we should all be aspiring to, when romantic love is a fairly recent, culture-specific idea. Companionate marriage only really started getting any sway over dynastic/economic marriage, the idea of personal choice made on the grounds of sexual attraction and personal liking was considered far too frivolous a basis for a primarily economic and familial institution.

I think it is a myth, yes. That doesn't make it unimportant. Large numbers of people live according to myths.

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 21/02/2023 13:26

I think she’s right. Even as a little girl, I couldn’t bear the whole romance thing.

ItsaMetalBand · 21/02/2023 15:00

Happy ever after doesn't exist. Whether you are crying over a grave 30 years from now, or angrily tossing their things out a window 6 months down the line, one of you will leave, willingly or not.

So the key is to enjoy what you have for as long as you have it.

Too many people get swept away by romance. All the best relationships are just excellent friendships with great sex.

KettrickenSmiled · 21/02/2023 15:17

Pyewhacket · 21/02/2023 12:54

Now I’m more confused why op was so upset….

I'm not upset. I just thought it was an interesting question - can true love endure in a long-term relationship/marriage?.

That's a weighted question.

A more honest question is: "does true love exist, or is it a fiction invented as a form of social control, & exacerbated by the Romance Industry?"

Most people mistake lust & limerance for proper love, imho.

KettrickenSmiled · 21/02/2023 15:19

NotableSilences · 21/02/2023 13:22

But there you go assuming 'true love' is some kind of ahistorical, timeless idea we should all be aspiring to, when romantic love is a fairly recent, culture-specific idea. Companionate marriage only really started getting any sway over dynastic/economic marriage, the idea of personal choice made on the grounds of sexual attraction and personal liking was considered far too frivolous a basis for a primarily economic and familial institution.

I think it is a myth, yes. That doesn't make it unimportant. Large numbers of people live according to myths.

Show quote history

😍👏

Think I've just fallen head over heels in limerence with you, Notable.

YouAreNotBatman · 21/02/2023 15:23

ItsaMetalBand · 21/02/2023 15:00

Happy ever after doesn't exist. Whether you are crying over a grave 30 years from now, or angrily tossing their things out a window 6 months down the line, one of you will leave, willingly or not.

So the key is to enjoy what you have for as long as you have it.

Too many people get swept away by romance. All the best relationships are just excellent friendships with great sex.

And not everyone even care about the sex part.

Asexuals and also people with little/no sex drives exist and they deserve love and romance just as much everyone else does.

Yetanothernamechangeagain · 21/02/2023 21:05

I think it can be dangerous as the concept can make people susceptible to lovebombing. That’s not to say I think it doesn’t exist.

felulageller · 21/02/2023 21:10

I think most people don't ever experience true love.

They are conditioned into relationships because society vilifies singles and especially single mothers. Most women want DC's so pair with blokes (sperm donors).

Men just want their cocks sucked and their laundry washed. If you think they really care you're daft. See how long any of them stay if you stop doing the wife work/ sex work.

Christmaspyjamas · 21/02/2023 21:13

It's a chemical imbalance in the brain akin to a mental illness

It's an opportunity to build a deep friendship

But most don't get beyond the obsession, control and adrenaline

WandaWonder · 21/02/2023 21:17

I think of it a bit like when someone asks 'are you always happy?' To me being happy is a in the moment thing like something makes you happy for those few moments

To me romance cannot be a constant endless thing

Contentment and love sure

But I have never met anyone who says they have never ever had a cross word in 50 years, sure some people don't have raging fights but a 'perfect' relationship?

Gapo · 21/02/2023 21:22

You only need to read the endless “The one” and “soul mate” crap to see how many people get sucked into this guff. Mostly women too as I have never heard a bloke talk like that. The idea that only one person could be your ideal partner is ludicrous.

Tuilpmouse · 22/02/2023 07:10

Christmaspyjamas · 21/02/2023 21:13

It's a chemical imbalance in the brain akin to a mental illness

It's an opportunity to build a deep friendship

But most don't get beyond the obsession, control and adrenaline

I was thinking the other day, I don't actually want that giddy, heart-stopping super-intense "in love" feeling in my life again where your well-being is so inextricably dependent on someone else, any more than I want the intense high of cocaine.

Yes to "Love" as in a deep respect, friendship and affection, coupled with good sex, but without the intensity and thrill of being truly, madly, deeply "in love".

Ndd135632 · 22/02/2023 07:24

Hmmm find this interesting. I am married twice and plenty of boyfriends before. I can safely say that my second marriage is like nothing else I had experienced. I just love him so much and more and more as we are together. Am sure there are some relationships like this.