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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

i feel really silly

46 replies

Flute56 · 21/02/2023 00:16

I was attending physio for a while I started to fancy my physiotherapist because he was frienddly. I do not realy need to attnd physio anymoree and thought I would send the physio a thank you card for his help in maing me feel better. I was hoping for some sort of response to the carddd and thought that would makee him see me in a different light. I think maybee it was not the right thing to do.

Would be greatful for any advice

OP posts:
Lookingoutside · 21/02/2023 00:36

It’s fine. You won’t be the first or last to send a card. If he hasn’t responded then leave it there.

At this point you have nothing to feel silly about.

Original poster
Flute56 · 21/02/2023 00:39

I only sent the card on Saturay and he would have got it toay

OP posts:
Lookingoutside · 21/02/2023 01:23

Ok, well give him a few days then. You’ve done nothing wrong or silly.

Try to relax about it and distract yourself if you can.

Original poster
Flute56 · 21/02/2023 02:03

Lookingoutside · 21/02/2023 01:23

Ok, well give him a few days then. You’ve done nothing wrong or silly.

Try to relax about it and distract yourself if you can.

yes I actually have a busy life so that will help thanks

OP posts:
JorisBonson · 21/02/2023 07:24

I doubt you will get a response. A thank you card doesn't require one. I'd leave that one there if I were you.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 21/02/2023 08:00

JorisBonson · 21/02/2023 07:24

I doubt you will get a response. A thank you card doesn't require one. I'd leave that one there if I were you.

Agreed

Watchkeys · 21/02/2023 08:50

What do you need advice on? You sent a thank you card to someone who helped you. What's your query?

80s · 21/02/2023 10:27

I used to teach adults a second language, and sometimes someone would get flirty or make advances. One time, at the end of a course a man gave me a romantic book as a thank-you present, clearly hoping I'd respond in some way. I just thanked him for the book and went on my way. He had no idea I was already taken (and pregnant!), and he didn't do anything cheeky or unsuitable - if I had been interested, I could have responded differently. That's how people get together. Nothing wrong with it.

Original poster
Flute56 · 22/02/2023 01:58

80s · 21/02/2023 10:27

I used to teach adults a second language, and sometimes someone would get flirty or make advances. One time, at the end of a course a man gave me a romantic book as a thank-you present, clearly hoping I'd respond in some way. I just thanked him for the book and went on my way. He had no idea I was already taken (and pregnant!), and he didn't do anything cheeky or unsuitable - if I had been interested, I could have responded differently. That's how people get together. Nothing wrong with it.

Yes but in my case I did not give the card directly to the physio. He therefore has no opportunity to acknowledge the card especially as I am not going back for any more physio. He has my numberr because he suggested a few months ago that that if I ever had any issues then I could ring the surgery and speak to him on the phone rather than going in for a seession and obviously getting advice on the phone would be free whereas if I were to go in then I would have to pay. It is also unethical for medis to befrrien patients unlesss the person stos being their patieent and I believe a certain amount of timee has to elapse for that.

This is why I heaed this thread I feel silly because I am reading more into a situation that is never going to happen. The phhysion was friendly and I misreadd it or something else. My GP is friendly, my dentist is friendly and they have to be because they are offereing a profesional service and need to obtain the trrust of patients

OP posts:
Original poster
Flute56 · 22/02/2023 02:46

I am a firrm believer in trying and as the saying goes..... better to try and fail than never try at all Things dont always work out but you will never know unless you try

OP posts:
15feb · 22/02/2023 03:14

Was the card flirty or just a normal thank you card OP? If the latter, yes, it would be considered an abuse of position and sexual harassment for him to start chatting you up! Don't feel silly though, crushes turn us all into hopeful teenagers at the best of times. Very few people on this planet are immune to that!

Magnoliamarigold · 22/02/2023 05:16

What did the card say?

EarringsandLipstick · 22/02/2023 05:29

Flute56 · 22/02/2023 02:46

I am a firrm believer in trying and as the saying goes..... better to try and fail than never try at all Things dont always work out but you will never know unless you try

This is fine - but generally approaching someone like your physio isn't a great way to go.

What did you put in the card?

I think you need to let this go now; I'd be surprised if anything came from it, honestly.

autienotnaughty · 22/02/2023 05:36

His friendliness was probably more about his professionalism than fancying you as he was in work mode and would be inappropriate to make advances on clients. The card was a nice gesture, I would assume he will appreciate it.

daretodenim · 22/02/2023 06:14

Unless you wrote something flirty in the card then you haven't done anything silly. You said thank you to someone who helped you. That's nice.

Nothing to be embarrassed about.

There's zero reason for him to reply to a thank you card either.

I'd look at it this way: if he were to get in touch with you, then maybe you think you'd like that. But what happens if you got together and you know he's willing to get into relationships with former clients? He must be up close to a lot of women. It would cross your mind.

Just focus on something else. This is a waste of your energy.

Watchkeys · 22/02/2023 06:14

@EarringsandLipstick

but generally approaching someone like your physio isn't a great way to go

Why? If you're interested in somebody, aren't stuck in a professional relationship in an ongoing sense, and are both adults, why is it generally not a great way to go? There's plenty of long, healthy relationships that have started like this, meeting someone on a professional level first.

EarringsandLipstick · 22/02/2023 06:52

Watchkeys · 22/02/2023 06:14

@EarringsandLipstick

but generally approaching someone like your physio isn't a great way to go

Why? If you're interested in somebody, aren't stuck in a professional relationship in an ongoing sense, and are both adults, why is it generally not a great way to go? There's plenty of long, healthy relationships that have started like this, meeting someone on a professional level first.

Sorry - I should have been clearer.

Approaching someone you have a patient-caregiver relationship with is generally a poor idea, within the clinical context (so if she happened to end up eg doing a park run with her physio & they established a personal connection, that would be different).

But in the context of her only being his patient, no - it would be really poor practice of him to respond to some kind of flirtatious card, and even more so if he was giving her an impression of flirting during treatment.

EarringsandLipstick · 22/02/2023 06:55

Exactly @daretodenim

It's his job to interact in quite a personal way with you, in the course of treatment. I go to the physio a lot, related to sport I do. Male physio, a really lovely guy. In his job, he needs to consider the whole context of the injury so the chats feel quite personal at times.

I do in a way know him personally as I've been going to him at various points for 14 or so years. But it is at its core a professional relationship, despite how our interactions can feel more personal.

JobbieBobbie · 22/02/2023 07:54

Just to mention that Physiotherapists are HCPC-registered, so they need to act in accordance with particular guidance etc. It just wouldn't be appropriate for anything to come of this.

JamSandle · 22/02/2023 08:01

Youre not silly.

It's wonderful to feel that way about someone, whether it goes anywhere or not.

Enjoy it.

80s · 22/02/2023 08:55

I would imagine that working in that job, you get people falling for you left, right and centre to be honest. It was pretty frequent as a teacher - and I am not even attractive! Must happen even more often when you're so physically close, touching the patients, and you're in a kind of hero role, making them feel better.
I doubt he'll do anything, for the reasons mentioned above, but you weren't being creepy or stalking him; you gave him a card that could easily just be a nice gesture of appreciation and no more. As a professional, he may be bound to certain regulations, but you are not.

Watchkeys · 22/02/2023 09:05

it would be really poor practice of him to respond to some kind of flirtatious card

No it wouldn't.

It would if they had an ongoing professional relationship, but not if that was concluded, and OP could see a different physio in the future if she needed one.

You're being very prescriptive, @EarringsandLipstick . There are clear professional guidelines about this sort of thing that don't match what you're saying. They're the guidelines and rules to follow, not the opinion of some MN poster.

80s · 22/02/2023 09:11

The problem is this, though:
"We strongly discourage you from having sexual relationships with former patients or their carers. However consensual a relationship appears to be, if a complaint is made the onus is on you to prove you have not exploited that person under the circumstances." www.csp.org.uk/system/files/sharing_our_skills_professional_boundaries_110716.pdf

DigitalTranny · 22/02/2023 09:15

Op, a lot of men are very friendly, especially in a professional setting. Are you gonna fall for all of them whenever they are friendly with you?

Watchkeys · 22/02/2023 09:22

@80s

Yes, it's discouraged but it's not disallowed and we're all adults. It's discouraged to drink alcohol but many people do and are happy and healthy. It's discouraged to eat less than 5 pieces of fruit every day but many people do and are happy and healthy. It's discouraged to do many things, but it's a guideline, not a law, and it's best for adults to be responsible for themselves, rather than live by the book and fear 'doing it wrong'.

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