Domestic violence

Pandapop101 · 19/02/2023 17:25

They are never violent until they are, my advice would be to report to police to protect yourself in the future and leave. It will happen again, it’s hard when you love someone or think you love someone but love does not look like this.

Catoo · 19/02/2023 17:34

He punched you in the head. He tried to force himself on you whilst strangling you until you started to lose consciousness.
Get away from this person.
Next time he could kill you.

category12 · 19/02/2023 17:35

I'm sorry he did this to you, OP.

Strangling is incredibly dangerous - please get yourself checked out. Please read the information here www.thehotline.org/resources/the-dangers-of-strangulation/

He could have killed you. He still could.

You need to leave him.

category12 · 19/02/2023 17:37

And love, he IS a violent person, you'd just never seen him like that before.

But he tried to rape you, he punched you and he could have killed you, even if that wasn't his intention. If that isn't being a violent person, I don't know what is.

PonyPatter44 · 19/02/2023 17:38

He IS a violent person. He tried to rape and strangle you. He is very very dangerous. Please get away from him as quickly as you can.

Mari9999 · 19/02/2023 17:55

Everyone who hits does so for a first time. He may have alcohol induced rage, but by your own admission ,you were not just drinking but were actually drunk.

Clearly, he is capable of violence and you may both have a problem with alcohol.

You are 2 people who do not bring out the best in each other. There is never a good reason to stay with someone who is capable of violent behavior. You can count on the fact that while this was his first time it is not likely to be his last time.

Without being judgmental , you should ask yourself why do you need to drink so much the you become drunk? After losing him, you might want to consider getting help with your alcohol consumption situation.

MyCatIsAnnoyinglyCute · 19/02/2023 18:41

Jesus Christ he could have killed you. What if he manages it next time?

Flakjacketon · 19/02/2023 19:14

As the mother of a DV victim I beg you to call the police and either leave him or throw him out and change the locks.

He has done it once and, if you let him get away with it this time, he will do it again. His strangling you is terrifying, he could easily have killed you.

Please, please leave. 💐

category12 · 19/02/2023 19:29

And tbh, I don't think him crying and saying it's not who he is as a person is anywhere near good enough. Do you? But you ended up comforting him, I bet.

If I had done something so violent and abhorrent, to the person I'm supposed to love, I would hope that I would be fucking running to therapy, breaking it off with you because I can't be trusted and shouldn't ask someone I attacked to risk staying with me, I would never drink again and I'd be doing some serious serious work on myself. Is he doing anything at all to address what he did?

NYLass70 · 19/02/2023 19:34

No excuse for this please leave him now.

Heartbeats18 · 14/03/2023 10:03

Mari9999 · 19/02/2023 17:55

Everyone who hits does so for a first time. He may have alcohol induced rage, but by your own admission ,you were not just drinking but were actually drunk.

Clearly, he is capable of violence and you may both have a problem with alcohol.

You are 2 people who do not bring out the best in each other. There is never a good reason to stay with someone who is capable of violent behavior. You can count on the fact that while this was his first time it is not likely to be his last time.

Without being judgmental , you should ask yourself why do you need to drink so much the you become drunk? After losing him, you might want to consider getting help with your alcohol consumption situation.

You say why do you drink to become drunk? You do realise after two glasses of wine you would be considered drunk? There's are different stages to being drink or intoxicated. To assume this lady has any problem with drink is disrespectful and downright rude. She has came on here asking for advice, she has gave a backstory to what happened and stated they where both drunk, not once has she stated she was comatose or paralytic. I'd refrain from giving advice in a situation like this, I can imagine all you have done is make an already vulnerable woman feel absolutely worse.
I'm actually disgusted by your last paragraph. She has not asked for advice on whether you think she is an alcoholic and whether she should get help or not. She hasn't gave any indication she has a problem with drink either. She has asked for advice on what she should do!

Heartbeats18 · 14/03/2023 10:08

In response to your actual question, I'm so sorry you have had to go through this. It must be so awful for him to have made you feel that way. It can be hard to grasp why he has done what he has done but you are in no way to blame. Alcohol can be one factor, but this is not a excuse and not everyone who drinks resorts to violence especially this level of violence. I know its easy to say walk away but next time may be very different and you may not be as lucky to be asking for advice about it on here. You are worth more. I'm always here to chat.

GoldDuster · 14/03/2023 10:10

This happened. It's not your fault, you're not making it up. It is real. Your partner assaulted you, tried to strangle you and rape you. These were his actions, there are no excuses, no amount of alcohol he could have drunk, no argument that would have made this OK, or your fault.

He isnt a violent person but love, he is..... look at what he did.

You are unsafe with him.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 14/03/2023 11:17

He has never been violent, sometimes he gets moody but he has never hit me or made me feel scared.
He has now.

When he woke up, I told him what happened and he said he didn't really remember and he was sorry and he began crying saying he feels disgusted in himself. He said it's not who he is as a person,
They ALL say that.
It is absolutely The Script that angry & controlling men use.

I forgave him as it easier than getting upset and arguing.
No it isn't.
You don't need to argue, you need to LEAVE.
Strangulation is a primary indicator that a man will go on to kill his partner.
He strangled you so hard you are still sore now.
Another few seconds & you could have been dead.

My throat and neck is sore but I'm scared to get checked out by a doctor as I don't want to admit what happened.
This is a very common response. The feeling that admitting it will make it too real.
You really need to get some professional support here.
If you can't face your GP (although you would find them nothing but supportive, concerned, & full of advice) please contact Womens Aid.

I really don't want him to get in trouble as it's the first time this has ever happened.
If some arsehole burgled your house & got caught, would you plead with the cops to let them off as it's the first time they've ever burgled you?

I guess I'm just messaging as I haven't been able to sleep due to thinking about it and I can feel myself getting anxious. I know what people will say but I'm just wondering has anyone been in a similar situation?
LEAVE.
www.kevinmd.com/2019/12/10-things-you-need-to-know-about-strangulation-and-domestic-violence.html

He isnt a violent person,
HE IS A VIOLENT MAN.
He punched you in the head, chasied you up the stairs, attempted to rape you, then used one of the most lethal forms of violence against you.

If a victim is strangled even one time, studies show she is 750% more likely to be killed by her abuser
www.contracostaalliance.org/calendar/understanding-the-rage-and-lethality-of-men-who-strangle

and we never really argue which is why I'm so shocked that this has even happened.
My ex & I rarely argued, & he was never violent.
Until he threatened to kill me if I ever left him.

I can't really process it all and just feel really down and stupid.
You are still in the reaction & shock stage, & this confusion (& self-blame) is completely normal.
Why would YOU feel stupid?
You have done nothing wrong.

I can't urge you strongly enough to please, please, talk to somebody in real life about this.
www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/
Right now, you need to go & stay with a friend or family.
Just get yourself safe. Remember the stats - he is 750% more likely to kill you than a man who has not strangled you.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 14/03/2023 11:19

Mari9999 · 19/02/2023 17:55

Everyone who hits does so for a first time. He may have alcohol induced rage, but by your own admission ,you were not just drinking but were actually drunk.

Clearly, he is capable of violence and you may both have a problem with alcohol.

You are 2 people who do not bring out the best in each other. There is never a good reason to stay with someone who is capable of violent behavior. You can count on the fact that while this was his first time it is not likely to be his last time.

Without being judgmental , you should ask yourself why do you need to drink so much the you become drunk? After losing him, you might want to consider getting help with your alcohol consumption situation.

Reported for victim blaming.

You make quite the habit out of blaming women for men's violence to & abuse of them don't you @Mari9999

Pinkbonbon · 14/03/2023 11:22

Go to the police.
Infact, go to a and e and get checked out first. Tell them what happened.

This is one of the worst things I've read on here op and I've been here many years.

You are in an abusive relationship.

Thus man attacked you. He IS violent.

There's nothing wrong with just being single you know. You don't need a man in your life. And you certainly dont need one who attacks you and tries to rape you.

If you stay, your whole life will be 'forgiving' him to avoid argument (or rather, because you're terrified if you don't, he'll kill you).

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 14/03/2023 11:23

Heartbeats18 · 14/03/2023 10:03

You say why do you drink to become drunk? You do realise after two glasses of wine you would be considered drunk? There's are different stages to being drink or intoxicated. To assume this lady has any problem with drink is disrespectful and downright rude. She has came on here asking for advice, she has gave a backstory to what happened and stated they where both drunk, not once has she stated she was comatose or paralytic. I'd refrain from giving advice in a situation like this, I can imagine all you have done is make an already vulnerable woman feel absolutely worse.
I'm actually disgusted by your last paragraph. She has not asked for advice on whether you think she is an alcoholic and whether she should get help or not. She hasn't gave any indication she has a problem with drink either. She has asked for advice on what she should do!

Show quote history

Well said Heartbeats.

@Mari9999 has form for telling victims of DA & DV that it's all their own fault.
Her post has been reported & I hope she (?) gets a ban for this latest revolting performance.

WasIWasINot · 14/03/2023 11:30

This post was nearly a month ago and sadly only had a few replies at the time.

Sadly I fear that the OP has forgiven him and will be back here in a year or two when he’s done it several more times.

On average a woman goes back thirteen times before leaving so the chances she’s got out at this point are minimal.

Don’t feed the troll victim blaming twat upthread.

Heartbeats18 · 14/03/2023 11:59

I fear the person who posted this has seen that post victim blaming and she probably feels like the worst person in the world. That reply was totally uncalled for. The poor woman didn't once say she had any issues with drink and she has been made out to be an alcoholic and essentially her problem with drink (which she doesn't even mention insinuates at) is the reason why she was strangled. It also tells her to seek advice for her problem with drink! What problem?!?!? Poor woman.

I know I have been very drunk in the past at a family party or a night out. It's doesn't mean I'm an alcoholic and I certainly don't make a habit of it.

mewkins · 14/03/2023 12:04

Mari9999 · 19/02/2023 17:55

Everyone who hits does so for a first time. He may have alcohol induced rage, but by your own admission ,you were not just drinking but were actually drunk.

Clearly, he is capable of violence and you may both have a problem with alcohol.

You are 2 people who do not bring out the best in each other. There is never a good reason to stay with someone who is capable of violent behavior. You can count on the fact that while this was his first time it is not likely to be his last time.

Without being judgmental , you should ask yourself why do you need to drink so much the you become drunk? After losing him, you might want to consider getting help with your alcohol consumption situation.

That's what you choose to focus on? Interesting....

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 14/03/2023 12:05

I know I have been very drunk in the past at a family party or a night out. It's doesn't mean I'm an alcoholic and I certainly don't make a habit of it.

Somebody should come along & strangle you, you're clearly asking for it @Heartbeats18. It's a known fact that a woman who has taken alcohol leaves men with no option but to punch, chase, rape & throttle them.

OP my dear if you are still reading your thread - apologies or the graveyard humour above, & please pay NO attention to @Mari9999's incomprehensible ramblings.

Wallywobbles · 14/03/2023 12:08

Please at least take photos of the bruises. You never know if you'll need them. Doctor or AE would be better. Nothing is not a good choice.

Kc96 · 25/05/2023 18:55

Hi I don’t really have anyone I can talk to and I’m feeling like absolute crap so last year me and my partner broke up I started seeing as you call it someone else it lasted a few months and back in July last year me and my partner got back together not long after I fell pregnant we argued a lot over what I had done (finding someone else ) the arguing turned into massive fights where we would be shouting and screaming at eachorher once it had all calmed down and things got back to normal my partner would say he forgives me for what I done last year it was becoming a regular thing with him causing silly little rows over the situation it then started getting physical he would push me out the bed onto the floor (whilst pregnant) he would tell me to sleep on the floor like a dog because that’s all I am to him he would make me sleep on the sofa he knocked me unconscious whilst pregnant told me he would never forgive me I was a skank to him a sket every bad name you name it I was called it the arguing was more of an every day thing in the end where the abuse would become more often the punches would hurt more fast foward to almost 9 months pregnant the arguing still continued I was worried about going into labour with bruises all over me I had a black eye bruises down my arms my legs we went over to stay at my mums 2 weeks prior to having the baby and luckily the bruises healed before I went into labour after having my baby everything seemed to have settled down there was no fighting no arguing and it was lovley we got on so well today he had asked to burrow money (he owes me so much money because he burrows and burrows and never pays me back ) today I said no because I have other things to pay out for everytime I say no he kicks of and I always ended up being punched or verbally abused and again today it all started with him telling me I should join my nan 6 foot under (my nan passed away last year and her anniversary is Monday ) he’s caused me to have such bad depression which I have told him about and he says I’m going mental in the head I took an overdose last week he told me I should have taken a few more tablets and killed myself he didn’t care about me 1 but whilst I was in hospital he wished I never come back out the things he said are horrendous I really don’t no what to do any more I feel like the abuse is never going to stop everytime I tell him I’m going to leave he tells me he’s going to change but only changes for a week or so I’m honestly at my witts end with it

Fairislefandango · 25/05/2023 19:04

He isnt a violent person.

Yes he is. Do you think a non-violent person would be capable of punching and strangling the woman they are supposed to love, and attempting to rape her?!

Pinkbonbon · 25/05/2023 20:06

Kc96. Leave. And report his violence to the abuse. He belongs in jail. Probably moreso than 98% of people who are currently in jail.

He us EVIL. Believe it. Get free.