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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Domestic violence

32 replies

Galaxy56 · 19/02/2023 16:57

I was advised to put this post in the relationship section.

I guess I'm just looking to get things off my chest as I haven't got anyone I could tell. I don't know how to even say it and it's never ever happened before. We were both drunk when it happened. I was punched in the side of my head, I shouted at him and then ran upstairs, he chased me, tried to have sex with me and strangled me whilst doing so. The strangling really scared me, i couldn't breath and my vision went funny, I told him to stop and began lashing out to get him to stop and he did but for those few seconds or minutes I was really scared.

He has never been violent, sometimes he gets moody but he has never hit me or made me feel scared. When he woke up, I told him what happened and he said he didn't really remember and he was sorry and he began crying saying he feels disgusted in himself. He said it's not who he is as a person, I forgave him as it easier than getting upset and arguing. My throat and neck is sore but I'm scared to get checked out by a doctor as I don't want to admit what happened. I really don't want him to get in trouble as it's the first time this has ever happened. I guess I'm just messaging as I haven't been able to sleep due to thinking about it and I can feel myself getting anxious. I know what people will say but I'm just wondering has anyone been in a similar situation? He isnt a violent person, and we never really argue which is why I'm so shocked that this has even happened. I can't really process it all and just feel really down and stupid.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 25/05/2023 20:06

*to the police

Motnight · 25/05/2023 20:14

Kc96 · 25/05/2023 18:55

Hi I don’t really have anyone I can talk to and I’m feeling like absolute crap so last year me and my partner broke up I started seeing as you call it someone else it lasted a few months and back in July last year me and my partner got back together not long after I fell pregnant we argued a lot over what I had done (finding someone else ) the arguing turned into massive fights where we would be shouting and screaming at eachorher once it had all calmed down and things got back to normal my partner would say he forgives me for what I done last year it was becoming a regular thing with him causing silly little rows over the situation it then started getting physical he would push me out the bed onto the floor (whilst pregnant) he would tell me to sleep on the floor like a dog because that’s all I am to him he would make me sleep on the sofa he knocked me unconscious whilst pregnant told me he would never forgive me I was a skank to him a sket every bad name you name it I was called it the arguing was more of an every day thing in the end where the abuse would become more often the punches would hurt more fast foward to almost 9 months pregnant the arguing still continued I was worried about going into labour with bruises all over me I had a black eye bruises down my arms my legs we went over to stay at my mums 2 weeks prior to having the baby and luckily the bruises healed before I went into labour after having my baby everything seemed to have settled down there was no fighting no arguing and it was lovley we got on so well today he had asked to burrow money (he owes me so much money because he burrows and burrows and never pays me back ) today I said no because I have other things to pay out for everytime I say no he kicks of and I always ended up being punched or verbally abused and again today it all started with him telling me I should join my nan 6 foot under (my nan passed away last year and her anniversary is Monday ) he’s caused me to have such bad depression which I have told him about and he says I’m going mental in the head I took an overdose last week he told me I should have taken a few more tablets and killed myself he didn’t care about me 1 but whilst I was in hospital he wished I never come back out the things he said are horrendous I really don’t no what to do any more I feel like the abuse is never going to stop everytime I tell him I’m going to leave he tells me he’s going to change but only changes for a week or so I’m honestly at my witts end with it

It might be less confusing for people if you start your own thread @KKc96 😊

Thisisworsethananticpated · 25/05/2023 20:43

please report him
as this will happens again xx
or call womens aid
but you must speak to someone

Asuitcase · 25/05/2023 23:41

This is horrendous, you need to believe he is an abuser.

He is violent and dangerous and you should get as far away as possible from him.

Please don't ever accept this as normal.
Men who do this to women make me puke, he needs locking up.

Asuitcase · 25/05/2023 23:46

Kc96 · 25/05/2023 18:55

Hi I don’t really have anyone I can talk to and I’m feeling like absolute crap so last year me and my partner broke up I started seeing as you call it someone else it lasted a few months and back in July last year me and my partner got back together not long after I fell pregnant we argued a lot over what I had done (finding someone else ) the arguing turned into massive fights where we would be shouting and screaming at eachorher once it had all calmed down and things got back to normal my partner would say he forgives me for what I done last year it was becoming a regular thing with him causing silly little rows over the situation it then started getting physical he would push me out the bed onto the floor (whilst pregnant) he would tell me to sleep on the floor like a dog because that’s all I am to him he would make me sleep on the sofa he knocked me unconscious whilst pregnant told me he would never forgive me I was a skank to him a sket every bad name you name it I was called it the arguing was more of an every day thing in the end where the abuse would become more often the punches would hurt more fast foward to almost 9 months pregnant the arguing still continued I was worried about going into labour with bruises all over me I had a black eye bruises down my arms my legs we went over to stay at my mums 2 weeks prior to having the baby and luckily the bruises healed before I went into labour after having my baby everything seemed to have settled down there was no fighting no arguing and it was lovley we got on so well today he had asked to burrow money (he owes me so much money because he burrows and burrows and never pays me back ) today I said no because I have other things to pay out for everytime I say no he kicks of and I always ended up being punched or verbally abused and again today it all started with him telling me I should join my nan 6 foot under (my nan passed away last year and her anniversary is Monday ) he’s caused me to have such bad depression which I have told him about and he says I’m going mental in the head I took an overdose last week he told me I should have taken a few more tablets and killed myself he didn’t care about me 1 but whilst I was in hospital he wished I never come back out the things he said are horrendous I really don’t no what to do any more I feel like the abuse is never going to stop everytime I tell him I’m going to leave he tells me he’s going to change but only changes for a week or so I’m honestly at my witts end with it

Please contact Women's Aid and ask for their support.

Talk to the Samaritan's, abuse will flag up on their systems.

Please start a new thread of your own, there are so many ladies who can help you on here.
Take care x

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/05/2023 00:23

Galaxy56 · 19/02/2023 16:57

I was advised to put this post in the relationship section.

I guess I'm just looking to get things off my chest as I haven't got anyone I could tell. I don't know how to even say it and it's never ever happened before. We were both drunk when it happened. I was punched in the side of my head, I shouted at him and then ran upstairs, he chased me, tried to have sex with me and strangled me whilst doing so. The strangling really scared me, i couldn't breath and my vision went funny, I told him to stop and began lashing out to get him to stop and he did but for those few seconds or minutes I was really scared.

He has never been violent, sometimes he gets moody but he has never hit me or made me feel scared. When he woke up, I told him what happened and he said he didn't really remember and he was sorry and he began crying saying he feels disgusted in himself. He said it's not who he is as a person, I forgave him as it easier than getting upset and arguing. My throat and neck is sore but I'm scared to get checked out by a doctor as I don't want to admit what happened. I really don't want him to get in trouble as it's the first time this has ever happened. I guess I'm just messaging as I haven't been able to sleep due to thinking about it and I can feel myself getting anxious. I know what people will say but I'm just wondering has anyone been in a similar situation? He isnt a violent person, and we never really argue which is why I'm so shocked that this has even happened. I can't really process it all and just feel really down and stupid.

I think if you look at similar threads you will sadly see that this is textbook how these things start. Please contact refuge or woman's aid. You can also do a 'Claire's law' request to your local police station and they will tell you if he has a history of DV offenses if known to them. As mentioned before, men who strangle are at high risk of killing their partners. Before you leave, get advise about a safe way to leave, as the two weeks after leaving are when you're most likely to be murdered. Please watch 'killed by my boyfriend' on iPlayer

Hearti · 26/05/2023 01:16

It’s convenient he doesn’t remember! He could have killed you. Please be sensible. Get checked out by a medic and report to the police. Leave him.

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