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Original poster

He ignored me for gaming

29 replies

Shampooand · 17/02/2023 13:06

At 4pm yesterday my boyfriend said he wanted to phone me that night. We agreed to chat at 9pm. After 9pm he messaged to say sorry for the delay make it 9.30pm. Got to 9.30pm he said sorry for the delay again. He finally called at 9.40pm. He said sorry for the delay he had been gaming online with some friends. I cut the call off straight away. I was so angry he thought gaming was more important to ignore me.

We ended up sorting things after some stern words. He said he went to get pet food after the gaming even though he had all day as he was off work.

Why did he think it was acceptable to keep postponing the phone call that he wanted, to play computer games instead? He explained after he said at 9.15pm he thought he hopes the game will end soon so we can chat. He could have left the game at any time but he said he couldn't.

I don't mind him having friends but he was the one who wanted to phone then kept postponing which is disrepsecting my time. He is in his 40s.

On Sunday he wanted to game with them for over an hour but he realised I did not want to sit watching him so did not particiate. We don't get much time together so why he can't plan his time separately I don't know.

OP posts:
LadyOfTheFliessssss · 17/02/2023 18:59

I really don't see the issue. He can't bail out if he's in the middle of a team game.

Why do you think he should drop everything to speak to you promptly?

IsthatfreedomIsee · 17/02/2023 19:14

My BF is also a gamer and I totally agree that he couldn't just leave mid game.
I also understand your frustration as him making arrangements to call you at a fixed time and then delaying has an expectation of you just putting your life on hold until he calls and that's frustrating.
You need to have a talk with him and come up with solutions.
I know when BF has arranged to game with friends that they are likely to finish later than he thinks. We don't make fixed plans for those times but he does keep me posted on progress and ETA if he's due round mine. Likewise, I won't hold off doing something if he's playing and if I'm not finished when he is, he's just got to wait. But we communicate.
If we have made fixed plans to go out, speak, do whatever, he will not arrange playing with friends around that time. You need to figure out what works for you as a couple and communicate your expectations/ boundaries accordingly.

Catinadome · 17/02/2023 19:20

I game, some games are timed and some are not. Imagine a real life football, match it’s the same if you bail. I am involved with a game that has a set of very specific 6 people missions. With a cracked team I have done a speed run and it’s taken under 30 minutes when it’s a run helping new players and teaching them it can be 3 hours.

If he ever gets to the point that he ignores you for hours then fair enough but I see someone who is a considerate gamer.

I would dump you quite frankly for having stern words when I had apologised and it was just a phone call.

In multiplayer team games it depends on when people are available, I’m raiding tomorrow at 3pm, that’s a good time for me and it will be just under an hour give or take a few minutes, but I cannot say exactly.

What hobbies do you have?

NoDatingForOldMen · 17/02/2023 22:34

We ended up sorting things after some stern words.

i think you are being ridiculous, if I was having him, I would be the one giving you the push

scaredoff · 17/02/2023 22:36

I don't mind him having friends . . .

Wow, that's unbelievably generous of you.

winterbegone · 17/02/2023 22:37

He's not that into you and he would rather game than speak to you, ditch and choose someone more mature.

Jimboscott0115 · 17/02/2023 22:48

Doing it while your together would be a step too far at this stage in your relationship, I agree... But daring to text you and let you know he was going to be later calling and then actually calling 40 minutes later? I think you're being very immature OP. If it's a constant thing then maybe but let's not act as though being late calling is a big issue.

Would you have questioned it if it was a sports game, class at a gym, meeting up with friends in person or similar? Because we've all been delayed by those things and all are perfectly reasonable reasons to be slightly late calling.

Oopsiedaisyy · 17/02/2023 23:02

Oh dear god, let the poor man be with someone who actually wants him to have some joy in his life

Alphavilla · 18/02/2023 10:12

You should have been busy at 9.40 and text back sorry can't speak now, speak tomorrow. His loss then. I wouldn't class it as disrespectful but certainly bad manners to be later than promised and to leave someone hanging.

category12 · 18/02/2023 10:24

It is very annoying to be hanging about waiting for a call, but the fact it's gaming is no different from a football match over-running or having a few beers with mates & over-running. At least he let you know he was delayed.

I'd have been pissed off too, but I don't think slamming the phone down on him is the best reaction.

Weekenders · 18/02/2023 10:42

I'm prejudiced against adults playing computer games as it's really not for me, but it's ludicrous to go out with someone who's into them without understanding the basics of why they might have to stay on a game longer than expected at times.

Like any other hobby you can negotiate acceptable parameters, but expecting him to leave a game early for a routine phonecall is completely unreasonable.

Zanatdy · 18/02/2023 11:06

You are being unreasonable. Jeez the guy is allowed a life.

Original poster
Shampooand · 18/02/2023 12:17

Weekenders · 18/02/2023 10:42

I'm prejudiced against adults playing computer games as it's really not for me, but it's ludicrous to go out with someone who's into them without understanding the basics of why they might have to stay on a game longer than expected at times.

Like any other hobby you can negotiate acceptable parameters, but expecting him to leave a game early for a routine phonecall is completely unreasonable.

He never even told me he was on a computer game when he kept saying he was delayed. Had I had known I would have said call another night. I could have gone to the gym as I do some evenings. I was hanging around like a mug.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shampooand · 18/02/2023 12:19

Alphavilla · 18/02/2023 10:12

You should have been busy at 9.40 and text back sorry can't speak now, speak tomorrow. His loss then. I wouldn't class it as disrespectful but certainly bad manners to be later than promised and to leave someone hanging.

I agree, I think that would have been the best thing to do as he won't learn as I ended up speaking to him in the end.

OP posts:
Thelifeofawife · 18/02/2023 13:17

OP you’re making such a big issue over something so minor. If it was a constant issue I could understand but he kept contacting you to let you know he was delayed (showing he was thinking of you and didn’t want you sat wondering why he hadn’t called yet, so not ignoring you at all) and then the next time he wanted to game he didn’t do it because he knew you didn’t want him to.
If you can’t deal with a one off minor thing like that how will you deal with bigger issues in your relationship. I’d certainly be miffed but wouldn’t be making such a big deal of it

Original poster
Shampooand · 18/02/2023 13:22

Thelifeofawife · 18/02/2023 13:17

OP you’re making such a big issue over something so minor. If it was a constant issue I could understand but he kept contacting you to let you know he was delayed (showing he was thinking of you and didn’t want you sat wondering why he hadn’t called yet, so not ignoring you at all) and then the next time he wanted to game he didn’t do it because he knew you didn’t want him to.
If you can’t deal with a one off minor thing like that how will you deal with bigger issues in your relationship. I’d certainly be miffed but wouldn’t be making such a big deal of it

The day before he said was quite low as he has some health issues at the moment and job uncertainty. I sent him a message as I wanted to make sure he was ok. The next morning he decides to reply to some woman in a group chat first because she was moaning leaving me unread.

He has done it a few times now with social media. We were out for a meal last week and he sat there on Facebook for 10 minutes ignoring me while I waited for dessert to come.

OP posts:
coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 18/02/2023 13:36

Shampooand · 18/02/2023 12:17

He never even told me he was on a computer game when he kept saying he was delayed. Had I had known I would have said call another night. I could have gone to the gym as I do some evenings. I was hanging around like a mug.

Show quote history

Why didn't you go to the gym then? If you'd missed his call you could have just rang back.

The whole thing sounds a bit dramatic to me.

Pinkbonbon · 18/02/2023 13:48

Tbh if I was him I would probably be questioning my relationship with you after that behaviour.

What's 40 minutes between partners?

Maybe if he was a new person I was dating I'd be a bit worried that he was asking to call at a certain time and then dicking me about. But between partners 9pm means 'sometime around then'. Not on the button. Besides, he even let you know he was running late. You could easily have said not to bother and to call you tomorrow instead as you were knackered or something.

Fair enough if you'd said to him 'maybe don't arrange calls for times around which you know you are gaming in future, as we all know the call will be later than planned'. Not ok to 'have stern words' though. He's an adult and he is entitled to his own life.

It's not like we're talking about him being 40 minutes late to a restaurant or something. It was a phonecall xD

I think you're a bit too tightly wound for him op. Either that or there's been some more serious incompatibilities between you and this is just rubbing you the wrong way on top of those. Clearly time to call it a day though.

Mom2K · 18/02/2023 15:51

It's pretty simple, if he had planned to speak to you at 9 pm then he shouldn't have started a game before calling you - knowing that this is something that frequently happens when gaming (not being able to stop the game if you're midway through and playing with a team).

You are not being unreasonable for being annoyed, people who make plans and keep the other person waiting are flat out rude. And he could have avoided it by not starting a game prior to calling you or he could have asked you to bump the call ahead and gamed with his friends after. This isn't rocket science. 🙄

This is also probably not a one off if he is a gamer so you're justified in being annoyed if he regularly moves or delays plans because he's caught up in a game.

ChristmasFluff · 18/02/2023 16:49

All the poeple excusing this thoughtless shit behavuour need to consider that a footballer scheduling a call with his gf during a match (or potential extra time) would be a twat.

Fuck that shit - OP has been stuck waiting around and not able to commit to anything fully herself.

Gamers are best left dating eachother.

OP, this is what you get if you stay with him. Unless you want this, it's the end of the road

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 18/02/2023 17:57

Middle aged men putting gaming before all else is the biggest turnoff I can think of. Tell him to get a fucking life.

NYLass70 · 18/02/2023 18:05

Don't see the issue, wouldn't bother me at all, he did call kudt a bit later. Fuss over nothing.

Pinkbonbon · 18/02/2023 18:54

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 18/02/2023 17:57

Middle aged men putting gaming before all else is the biggest turnoff I can think of. Tell him to get a fucking life.

He has a life, it involves gaming. If you don't like it, don't date men who game. But their hobby choices are no less valid than yours just because you don't play them.

Thelifeofawife · 18/02/2023 18:54

Shampooand · 18/02/2023 13:22

The day before he said was quite low as he has some health issues at the moment and job uncertainty. I sent him a message as I wanted to make sure he was ok. The next morning he decides to reply to some woman in a group chat first because she was moaning leaving me unread.

He has done it a few times now with social media. We were out for a meal last week and he sat there on Facebook for 10 minutes ignoring me while I waited for dessert to come.

Show quote history

That’s different then, if he has form for making you feel like you’re low on his list of priorities.
For the gaming it does seem he was mindful of keeping you waiting and that he put you first the next time, but if he is constantly replying to other people first and on his phone while you’re on a date then it’s understandable that you feel neglected and taken for granted.
I think you need to speak to him and explain that it bothers you and why. If you’re being demanding then you probably need to chill out a bit, but he should also respect that you want to feel like a priority to him

Oopsiedaisyy · 18/02/2023 18:57

He isn't that into you by the sounds of your updates, I'd end things.