Would you inform your exes new partner that they are violent and abusive?

[Condundrum]

Currently in Court proceedings with ex. He has disclosed he is in a new relationship with a new partner with young children, of whom he has unsupervised access with.
Ex only currently sees our daughter once a month in a contact centre owing to significant domestic abuse.
Ex has disclosed he's not discussed proceedings or circumstances of contact with his daughter with new partner. I feel like it's history repeating itself as I only knew of the extent of his abusive history after leaving him.
Would you find a way to tell her? I don't want to put her in danger of course but I'm worried about her and her children, it appears they are already living together.
I know who the new partner is.

So you want to leave the children at risk because you think their mum deserves it?

Every man will say his ex is crazy/ emotionally unregulated/ controlling/ self harm/ abusive.
Your ex will an absolute angel/ darling/ caring/ reasonable person to his new girlfriend. You cannot win.

Inform social services and let them deal with it.

I got half way through completing a referral on the LA website and stopped, just the thought of repercussions to me and my daughter and also to her as well - I just don't know. It doesn't sit right with me, but I don't want to put anyone in danger.

This man still has a hold over you.

Please complete the form. It won’t be traced back to you at all.

If he contacts you about it (hopefully he can’t because he is blocked etc) you do not respond.

once you submit that form the SS dept have a LEGAL DUTY to investigate what you have said.

For all you know she might be known to them already.

You could be saving those children from a world of pain and fear.

Child Protection is everyone’s responsibility

Also keep your report very factual

ie, his criminal history, non mol order etc how he is not allowed unsupervised contact due to risk etc

you can report to the NSPCA

No one traces it back or anything like that.

Do an anonymous referral by phone. Just ring up and say you know this man is in a new relationship with this woman and you know he has findings against him. Don't mention being his ex or th mother of his child. Say you're a concerned friend or neighbour. Unless calling in a professional capacity you can be anonymous. Withhold your number as they do write it down sometimes.

She has the right to make an informed decision for herself and her children. If he was to kill or seriously injure one of them, I personally wouldn't be able to cope with that.

I'm going to call the NSPCC, I have phoned them before so I know it's all anonymous. That's probably the right thing to do now.

I tried to ring the NSPCC national line at lunch but it won't accept calls, the line is temporarily suspended. I'm really nervous to email as my name will be identifiable on the email. Suppose I could just make up a new email for this. I feel strongly about letting them know but just scared of potential repercussions to me also.

Any chance you could walk into a local council office? Just ask them to report it for you. If you explain your circumstances, I can't think of any reason they wouldn't take it seriously and forward an anonymous report direct. You are brave to do this, considering all you sound like you've been through, but I also wouldn't be able to sleep, thinking of what might happen to the children. X good luck

Really, just wait. This is not, as far as you know, immediately time dependent and is not perhaps the first thing on your list of problems to solve.m right now. I do really think you are indeed being caring and also responding to the trauma you have undoubtedly had to experience from being with this man. But if you are still involved with a court case and everything, you really don't need this man rampaging around suspecting you of having got involved in his current relationship as well. If you can do anything anonymously fine, but personally, having just had to push and shove with various institutions this week, all being more than slightly incompetent (local council, school and doctors) - I wouldn't want to trust people in busy jobs with confidential personal information that I don't want them to inadvertently reveal to an ex. Maybe rephone the nspcc when you have time and they are answering, anonymous online report whereever - or perhaps the guardian if you can rely on their efficiency - but I don't think it's a good decision to rush this and make the situation for yourself and your daughter potentially worse by not remaining completely anonymous.

Let’s start a new thread. I know some young children who are in direct danger from a proven violent abuser. What should I do?

Set up an email account different name different date of birth etc and report it to the nspcc change the details

I've become aware he has convictions
He lives at x house with y and a child
I'm concerned for the child's welfare

Distance yourself dont "know" anything for example I know he has been convicted people will see its come from someone who knows him from his past I became aware is different implies someone has recently told you

Also raise it with the guardian but be aware they might believe your jealous of his new relationship so your phrasing needs to be right

Speaking from experience, no. Don't try to tell her directly. I did this with my exs new partner. All I got for my efforts at the time was a period of harassment and abuse from my ex and new partner.

He ended up attacking her one night so badly the police were called and she pressed charges against him. She then made it publicly known he had assaulted her before then too.

Could you tell social services or police involved with the case. See if they can make her aware?

A friend of mine was in the same situation as you OP. She reported the facts to the new partner's kids' school and they picked it up as a safeguarding issue (I know it got picked up and was acted on, I shouldn't know but I had close connections with the school and someone who should not have told me told me!).

So if you know where they go that's an option. Otherwise report the facts to social services giving as much detail as you can about new partner and kids.

Do not approach the new partner, that won't be effective or go well.

I won't approach the new partner. Not at all.

I'd tell her. Not necessarily directly, but someone needs to let her know.

If I was dating someone who was abusive in the past, I'd want to know about it. You have the power to save someone a lot of potential heartache and pain.

I've sent an anonymous email to the nspcc