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Original poster

Is this what love bombing is?

50 replies

user100009 · 15/02/2023 15:21

I have recently started online dating after being single for quite a while. I'm quickly learning about the horrors of online dating, but thought I'd found a decent guy to talk to. We spoke briefly around 4 years ago, so it was nice to have a bit of familiarity despite things not going anywhere between us all those years ago. Well, that's how I felt until he started saying some things that have really made me feel uneasy. I'm going to make a list of things he's said to me that I feel are really weird.

  1. On day 1 of speaking said, "you have no idea what you mean to me"
  2. Told me that he's not going to be able to keep his hands off me "for life" (it's the "for life" bit that made me feel really weird)
  3. Said he's had multiple dreams about me and has "seen it all" - this was him hinting that he has seen me naked in his dreams 🤮
  4. Wanted to know what my address was yesterday so he could drop round a Valentine's Day card.
  5. When I made up some excuse as to why he couldn't come over, he sent me a picture of a bouquet of roses that he had apparently bought me and said "they'll be dead by the time I see you" then later said "I'll still give them to you, even if they're dead"
  6. Later text me to say he had also bought me a box of chocolates, but was now eating them himself. I'm not sure if this was an attempt to make me feel bad.
  7. Said that if I don't have any childcare for my young daughter, I can bring her along to our first date!

We have been talking for 5 days.

I blocked him this afternoon. I'm not being dramatic am I? Is this some kind of love bombing?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 15/02/2023 15:24

It's creepy AF and definitely love bombing. He sounds unhinged. Keep him blocked.

Cheesandcrackers · 15/02/2023 15:24

Weirdo. Avoid.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 15/02/2023 15:24

I think that's gone beyond love bombing and directly to fucking terrifying.

Twawmyarse2 · 15/02/2023 15:25

This sounds like love-annihilation, never mind love bombing.

He sounds absolutely desperate for a shag basically.

Yes, block and move on - especially as you have a child - he sounds unhinged!

Rookriver · 15/02/2023 15:25

Fuck me. Well done for blocking this twat.

dudsville · 15/02/2023 15:27

Definitely block!

DelphiniumBlue · 15/02/2023 15:29

Stalker.

NathanielSitsOnASpike · 15/02/2023 15:30

"1. On day 1 of speaking said, "you have no idea what you mean to me""

That's it, done - block. No further evidence needed, this guy has NO idea how to behave like a normal human.

LightSpeeds · 15/02/2023 15:35

You did the right thing. He sounds well weird.

Pinkbonbon · 15/02/2023 15:37

Holy fuck.

That's gone beyond love bombing, passed go, collected its 200 quid and gone full circle round the board.

Terrifying.

Be very careful op. Is good that you're checking but I'm worried that you've needed to and not blocked this guy after bullet point one.

Still, step by step with the dating sites. Trust your instincts if they warn you in future. And know you can always double check here if something seems off.

Pinkbonbon · 15/02/2023 15:39

Ps: hope you didn't give him your address as he has 'stalker' written all over him.

CuriousMama · 15/02/2023 15:42

Why did it take you 5 days 😳
Total nut job you're well rid. I feel sorry for his next victims.
You didn't give him your address did you?

Original poster
user100009 · 15/02/2023 15:49

Another thing I forgot to add the list - he wanted me to refer to him as "My King" and kept calling me his "Queen"!

No, didn't give him my address. I watch a lot of those true crime shows and he was really giving me creepy, stalker vibes

OP posts:
littleburn · 15/02/2023 15:51

Love bombing is over-promising and fast-forwarding the relationship in a way that's completely disproportionate to the length of time you've known each other. So you're his soulmate, he wants you to met his family, move in together etc when you've been dating a month etc. I don't think this is love bombing so much as this guy sounds totally unhinged OP! Please don't second-guess yourself as being overly dramatic.

littleburn · 15/02/2023 15:52

And OLD is very hard going. Next time block and move on after the first flaming red flag!

pizzaHeart · 15/02/2023 15:53
  1. On day 1 of speaking said, "you have no idea what you mean to me.
this^ alone enough for blocking, he is nuts.
Pinky1011 · 15/02/2023 15:53

He sounds like a pedofile I'm so sorry. Men who love bomb at the beginning have ulterior motives. The fact he mentioned bringing your 5 yr older daughter to him is huge red flags to me.

Christmaspyjamas · 15/02/2023 15:54

Oh you've found a corker there....proper barmpot.

I don't know which is scarier....

That he actually feels like this
That he thinks this is what women want

Pinkbonbon · 15/02/2023 15:55

littleburn · 15/02/2023 15:51

Love bombing is over-promising and fast-forwarding the relationship in a way that's completely disproportionate to the length of time you've known each other. So you're his soulmate, he wants you to met his family, move in together etc when you've been dating a month etc. I don't think this is love bombing so much as this guy sounds totally unhinged OP! Please don't second-guess yourself as being overly dramatic.

It can also be - over complmenting, expensive gift giving early on, saying things like 'I've never met anyone like you before' a few dates in ect...doing 'favors' for you (that may include coming to your home) asking you to help them with things....

But yeh this guys definately nuts.

georgarina · 15/02/2023 16:20

Sounds like a stalker
Be careful of any identifying details you have online - Linkedin, social media

georgarina · 15/02/2023 16:22

^I went on one date with a guy who turned out to be totally nuts and found my address somehow. Deleted social media as I was still getting friend requests 5 years later

scoobydoo1971 · 15/02/2023 17:27

Be very careful what you tell this man. If he finds out your workplace, home or gym (for example), you could be at real risk quickly of having a real problem to contend with where he turns up as a 'surprise'. People like this are obsessive and persistent at getting what they think they need, and they respond to rejection badly. There is the fictional version of you that they have portrayed in their head, and you can never measure up to that imaginary person. They get abusive and a right menace when they don't get their way. I had a stalker who forced me to move house, and it was very frightening for me and my kids. No one normal and with appropriate boundaries would be sending these messages to you. He is dangerous so block him.

Thismummyrunstheshow · 15/02/2023 18:03

Reading this has given me the creeps! shudder

Bullet dodged!

Zanatdy · 15/02/2023 18:11

Definitely right decision. Very worrying he’s talking like that after a few days of exchanging messages.

Bionesque · 15/02/2023 18:17

I stopped at 1.

I fear for any woman who ends up enmeshed in that. His behaviour is far from normal.

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