I had unknowingly participated in someones "extra curricular" marriage activities for over 3 years. I felt like I'd been misled and duped into this situation when I was vulnerable and my self esteem was on the floor. Had I known at the time, I would not have even started it or carried on.
We met, online, and dated for a while but as I had come out of a long term relationship (10 years) I didn't want anything serious and was satisfied with it being on my terms when I was free and available. This continued for over a year and it was working for me and I was happy. I had started to get feelings but was conscious I didn't want to get too deep and was focused on work and my DD. This continued for another year, I then saw that he had been meeting another woman and decided to cool things off and reassess my involvement. I decided to date others at the time but we always came back together when that didn't work out. I decided to finally call it off and then randomly through a mutual friend, came across something that proved to me that he was married, and had been for the majority of our "situationship". Not only had he been in a relationship for around 3 years before he met me, but they got engaged, married and pregnant in the time we were "together".
We only met once after I found out about his relationship, and that was nearly 3 years ago. He told me he had not been satisfied in the relationship, which is completely untrue as they got engaged, married and had a baby. He could have left if he had wanted to, but i assumed wanted his cake and to eat it.
I wrote a letter to his wife, explaining briefly what had been happening, when and how with the view of anonymously sending it, but the next day I found out she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin or make it any more stressful, I didn't send the letter and I never told her about it.
I have had counselling and undertake my own "path" to trying to move on from it but its still destroying me. I haven't had a relationship since as I don't trust myself or any potential partners.
I feel like me telling her would almost be considered as selfishly just "getting it off my chest". Do I just move on and forget it?
Would you want to know?
Its taken me a long time to come to terms with how destructive my behaviour and participation has been in this situation and it is destroying me but here is an overview as to what I'm dealing with; Do I, or Don't I? I'd want to know if it was me, but I hate that I've unknowingly participated in something that could destroy another woman and their family.
Additionally, extra context is that he has tried regularly over the last few years to speak to me, meet with me, sent me gifts to get my attention and just been a pest until I changed numbers and moved house.