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Original poster

I'm dating 2 people....

29 replies

JMC27 · 15/02/2023 09:04

Last Atumn I got out of a bad relationship, only bad, because they were not the right person. I said to myself that I dont want to keep making the same mistakes with picking partners.

I started tindering etc just after Xmas with all the fun that, that brings.

I know you have to kiss a few toads to find your price and it is a soul destroying experience.

Anyway I met someone early January, we went on date quite quickly (due to circumstances) and we clearly had a connection. We have alot of common in live, included shared values and a lot of fun together.

I was also talking to someone else, and we wanted to meet up, but with them being away and me working it took a few weeks to finally meet up, but we chatted regaulary when it would have been easy to fizzle out. They are the total opposite on the first person I met, they are a little older, have a different outlook in life and we get on and have fun, but just in a different way.

I now find myself torn between 2 really great people who I am dating, it was never my intent to end up in the situation, but I am where I am. I have made no many wrong choice in the past I now dont know what to do. I could imagine a future with both of them.

Any advice?

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 15/02/2023 09:05

You are perfectly entitled to date two people, as long as neither of them thinks they are exclusive with you.

Original poster
JMC27 · 15/02/2023 09:23

SheilaFentiman · 15/02/2023 09:05

You are perfectly entitled to date two people, as long as neither of them thinks they are exclusive with you.

And that is where I am...

But I dont know which one to choose

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 15/02/2023 09:26

You only started dating them in the last six weeks or so - do you need to choose now?

Original poster
JMC27 · 15/02/2023 09:37

SheilaFentiman · 15/02/2023 09:26

You only started dating them in the last six weeks or so - do you need to choose now?

I dont want to split myself emotionally

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 15/02/2023 10:04

Are you at that stage, though?

couod you give yourself until end March, say? It may become more obvious with time.

Drinknumber11 · 15/02/2023 13:00

Firstly, I have to say I’m a bit envious of your situation 😂😂
In all seriousness though - carry on dating both of them until your gut tells you if any of them are right for you. I think it’s too soon at the moment to decide.

ZaphodDent · 15/02/2023 13:11

I understand what you mean about not wanting to split yourself emotionally.

Maybe if you tell us a bit more about both it might help you clarify your thoughts about them?

hashbrownsandwich · 15/02/2023 13:14

Go with whoever has the biggest penis.

No, in all seriousness have you considered they may not be exclusive either? I think you need to either brave having that discussion or wait until one of them raises it.

Livelifelaughter · 15/02/2023 13:16

How do you describe your relationships? If you are calling each your boyfriend then I think that's unfair to each man. I think really you should try and treat them as you would wish to be treated.

IrritableCowSyndrome · 15/02/2023 14:13

I must be getting old.

I would not be happy if I was seeing someone who was also seeing someone else at the same time.

Do they both know about the other one?

Is it OK to do this now as long as you don't tell them they are exclusive? If so, how long can this go on for?

CalistoNoSolo · 15/02/2023 16:15

You either choose now or tell them both you're also dating someone else too. It's very unfair to do anything else, not to mention really grim. No way would i want any kind of physical relationship with someone if they were shagging someone else, and i bet most people are the same.

SheilaFentiman · 15/02/2023 17:01

CalistoNoSolo · 15/02/2023 16:15

You either choose now or tell them both you're also dating someone else too. It's very unfair to do anything else, not to mention really grim. No way would i want any kind of physical relationship with someone if they were shagging someone else, and i bet most people are the same.

I don’t think either of them thinks they are exclusive with OP!

Given she saw one for the first time early last month and the other some time after that, I personally think it’s a little early to expect exclusivity. To each their own, of course.

Original poster
JMC27 · 17/02/2023 10:09

ZaphodDent · 15/02/2023 13:11

I understand what you mean about not wanting to split yourself emotionally.

Maybe if you tell us a bit more about both it might help you clarify your thoughts about them?

Now this is where I am torn. I have 2 very different people.

1 very settled, a child a similar age. We have similar life goals and ambitions. On paper we make a perfect fit, and thinking about the future could have a very comfortbale life.

The othere is a little older than me, they have never had children. Very independent, own their own sexiness and we just connect. We could have a good future, just very different

OP posts:
ZaphodDent · 17/02/2023 11:08

You said you want to avoid the mistakes you've made in the past when choosing partners. Just thinking about those mistakes, trying to learn from them, who would you pick? Do you have a tendency to pick older, sexier, perhaps riskier guy 2 when you know you should (perhaps) pick safer guy 1?

Original poster
JMC27 · 17/02/2023 13:57

ZaphodDent · 17/02/2023 11:08

You said you want to avoid the mistakes you've made in the past when choosing partners. Just thinking about those mistakes, trying to learn from them, who would you pick? Do you have a tendency to pick older, sexier, perhaps riskier guy 2 when you know you should (perhaps) pick safer guy 1?

I dont think it safer just different. There is also what is best for my son. Option 1 would be a ready made blended family that is something none of us have experienced.

But I cant get the other person out of my head

OP posts:
IrritableCowSyndrome · 17/02/2023 14:42

Sorry if I've missed this, but are they both aware you have been on dates with the other one?

Pinkbonbon · 17/02/2023 15:51

Consider red flags.

Has your gut given you any 'that's odd' or 'hmm, not sure about that' vibes?

Mr, 'we share the same values'. Google: mirroring behaviour from narcissists. Google love bombing too just incase.

Marineboy67 · 17/02/2023 15:55

Are your 'boyfriends' aware of each other? Surely the longer you keep up seeing both of them runs the risk of one of them finding out about the other. For all your wants & emotional needs you could wind up being dumped by both!

Addicted2Kale · 17/02/2023 20:12

So...they don't know about each other and you're sleeping with both of them? Right. And what about them. Are they sleeping with other women or only seeing you?

This is a messy and potentionally unpleasant dynamic. But you do you boo.

SheilaFentiman · 17/02/2023 20:28

“So...they don't know about each other and you're sleeping with both of them?”

op hasn’t said those things

bathsh3ba · 17/02/2023 20:29

I couldn't date two people at the same time. I know people do it but I just couldn't when I was dating, it didn't sit right with me. It sounds like it's not sitting right with you so you need to choose. Talk to people in real life who know you about this, they will give you better advice than a bunch of Internet randoms like us.

SimoneSimone · 17/02/2023 22:35

You have only got half of what you want from each person so neither of them are right for you. Dump these two and find the right guy. Unfair on them if you don't.

winterbegone · 17/02/2023 22:43

I would go for the one that seems more keen on you, leave it until one of them suggests being exclusive then see how you feel.

Pyaar · 18/02/2023 08:30

When i have been in a similar situation i ended up choosing the wrong guy, so just saying pick very carefully!!

Successgirl2022 · 18/02/2023 08:42

Who do you have feelings for the most?

I am very happy I chose the safer option, marriage, and family man. We've been married for 17 years, our son is 15. We match great sexually too.

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