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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Told off for helping

53 replies

Pudloguide · 13/02/2023 21:02

My husband owns our flat (not me). Now our neighbour has sent him a legal letter over some work needed on the shared building. The neighbour is being very unreasonable and difficult.
i found him a solicitor for legal advice and then tonight I finally told him what i would do in his position (he had been asking me all evening) and he got completely furious with me and stormed upstairs. when i went to see how he was he told me to leave him alone really nastily.
anyway, he hasnt come down and i am left here in this poisonous atmosphere feeling horrible.
i dont know what i am asking really. Whether it is ok to now let him sort it out on his own, i suppose. I was trying to help him.
he had an affair a few years ago with a woman who was always a great emotional help to him apparently (very supportive - unlike me), so i am prob oversensitive about all this!
can i but out now?

OP posts:
billy1966 · 14/02/2023 12:31

OP,

Why do you want to save a marriage with this highly abusive nasty man who also had an affair?

Couples counselling is not advised where the relationship is abusive.

You are his emotional punching bag and you need to figure out why you have placed no value on your life?

You talk about his background but what about yours?

Why do you think a nasty abusive unfaithful man who uses you as an emotional punching bag is all YOU deserve.

Get out of this marriage asap.

Its dead.
Accept it and move on.

He's a selfish nasty pig.

Stop accepting his awful behaviour.

Reach out to those who care for you for support.

Ring Women's aid for support.

His behaviour is abusive.

Ghostbuster2639 · 14/02/2023 17:08

He’s a conflict seeker.

No way would I be constantly listening to him vent and whinge. He sounds utterly pathetic.

Couldyounot · 14/02/2023 17:35

OP, for what it's worth, your suggestion re how to sort this out was spot on. Trouble is, by the sound of it your husband Has To Be Right, and it seems he has met his match with the neighbour. As for the rest of it, that's no way to live even without the infidelity. Do you really want this?

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