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Relationships

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Original poster

Tell me about "The One That Got Away"

121 replies

goodmorningsunny · 13/02/2023 12:23

I'm very happily married with a baby but I do find myself thinking about the guy that I saw myself having a life with before I met my husband.

He was lovely but we didn't agree on some fundamental things. He didn't want marriage or kids, deal breaks for me, so it was obviously not meant to be.

We met online and spent hours and hours talking every day, I had the same kind of connection with him as I did when I met my now husband. He knew everything about me and my biggest secrets. I do miss him and his company but I know I've made the right choice. Doesn't stop you daydreaming though, does it? I kind of like it this way because he will forever be a romantic memory for me (if we had carried on, I'm sure it would have gone down in flames!)

Tell me about your One That Got Away!

OP posts:

Horriblewoman · 30/06/2023 11:41

I moved to a different continent when I was 20, sleeping on a friend of a friend’s sofa while I found my own place. The building was super sociable and there were regular drinks between a few different apartments, a group of Irish boys turned up to a few.

I ended up madly falling for one of them and we had a month together before he had to leave to go back to Ireland. It was 15 years ago and I still think about what if he hadn’t left. We stayed in contact for a few months. I still have him on Facebook, I still sometimes look at his profile. We’re both married now. I’ve never sparked with anyone like him.

Solitaryasanoyster · 01/07/2023 07:03

wincarwoo · 29/06/2023 17:57

@Solitaryasanoyster well for me both of us are married. So it is pure computing what it all means and what ifs.
If one of you is single then that is much harder!

Neither single. Both have partners and small children but neither married.
I have to constantly tell myself that the fantasy of this person must be better than the reality and I need tk get a grip!

Naunet · 01/07/2023 09:02

Met mine in my late teens, early 20s, we hooked up for a couple of years, never anything serious but the chemistry was incredible. I ended up moving away but we’ve always kept in touch (as friends only). We both married, then divorced but were never single at the same time. 20 years on, we still keep in touch every so often, haven’t seen each other in all this time except a random encounter a couple of years ago and he still made my heart race. Sometimes I wonder if our paths might cross again one day, but realistically, it was only ever the sexual chemistry that was special, so I doubt it’d work out in the real world.

TimesRwo · 01/07/2023 13:52

It’s funny how the same thread can go in different directions. I started a similar thread a couple of years ago and had a handful of responses, which all told me to focus on my marriage instead!

Solitaryasanoyster · 01/07/2023 13:54

TimesRwo · 01/07/2023 13:52

It’s funny how the same thread can go in different directions. I started a similar thread a couple of years ago and had a handful of responses, which all told me to focus on my marriage instead!

This can be a huge issue on Mumsnet! Lots of judgement that doesn't factor in that life isn't always black and white.
I don't think you should be told off for your thoughts, as long as we aren't acting on it or committing adultery (and even then, we are all humans who mess up!)
Sorry you had such a bad response last time!
Please share your story here x

Amiable · 01/07/2023 14:06

Met him my first night at Uni, immediate connection, over the next several years we had a few 'almost' moments, but our timing was always off. The one time it seemed like we were both in the same place I shied away (no idea why, to my eternal regret!).

I still think "what if"!

Solitaryasanoyster · 01/07/2023 14:09

Amiable · 01/07/2023 14:06

I still think "what if"!

Are you still I touch?
Are you both married/kids?

80s · 01/07/2023 14:20

Before I got together with my exh, I had to make regular train trips every day for a couple of weeks. There was a good-looking guy on the same train every day and we'd exchange looks. The week after my exh asked me out, it was my last trip on the train. As I got off, the guy came up to me and asked me out too - and in a really nice, respectful way. Idiot that I was, I felt like I'd be cheating on what was then an extremely new relationship with the man I later married, and gave my apologies. These days, in the same position, I'd just date them both and see which I liked best :) but in those days that wasn't quite so common I think.
I didn't get to know the other guy, so he wasn't really the one who got away - but considering what a dick my exh turned out to be, I do wonder "what if" a bit.

Mumtothreegirlies · 02/07/2023 00:15

Mine died crashing his car when he was 17 he’s now been gone longer then he was alive and my daughter is his age. His grave is not far from me and I still visit it. I still remember his kiss and the telephone calls we had.

Livelifelaughter · 02/07/2023 07:43

Momo18 · 13/02/2023 16:22

I married my one that got away, twelve years after 😆

Do tell ...

Livelifelaughter · 02/07/2023 07:50

I was at the wedding of TOTGA a month ago...went to the loo and cried. It seemed so odd. He doesn't love the woman he has married that's not a guess, he told me, but he married because their relationship works and they have been seeing each other on and off for 18 years...but for some reason I didn't take the chance and nor did he.

Solitaryasanoyster · 02/07/2023 08:49

Mumtothreegirlies · 02/07/2023 00:15

I’m so sorry 😞

Solitaryasanoyster · 02/07/2023 08:50

Livelifelaughter · 02/07/2023 07:50

Are you currently single? That must have been so hard to watch that.
so much bravery in going! I would have stayed well away!

NoFaceNoName · 02/07/2023 09:00

He’s currently sat next to me feeding our baby daughter. We met for a super casual coffee 12 years after we first met and realised we both still felt the exact same, and the rest is history. Genuinely been the best couple of years of my life so far. Sometimes they really do live up to the dream

ElmTree22 · 02/07/2023 09:16

I married mine. Met when we were 11, he was always with a gf. Finally single at 16, we dated but we were too young and I was foolish enough to hurt him. He then moved on with another gf until we were both 19.
We then saw each other again at a bar and started talking. Fast forward 11 years and we're married with a beautiful baby ❤️

BobShark · 02/07/2023 09:17

Oh I have one!
We met at a really vulnerable time of my life, months after my university boyfriend died suddenly of cancer in our early 20s.

Super hot, musician, beautiful soul.

I on the other hand was a train wreck, unable to commit, eventually we met other people and got married and had children.

20 years later we got back in touch, both with boys the same age, both of us divorced.

we speak regularly, however I now live in sydney, so bit far for a long distance relationship 😬

We have talked about what went wrong, and he says if I ever move back he would marry me in a heartbeat.

4thtimelucky · 02/07/2023 09:55

There are a couple but the stand out one is uni boyfriend from the 90s, I was his first love, we did a lot of firsts in the 2 and a bit years we were together but I ended it as my head was turned by the next one that got away!

The uni boyfriend and I met for a coffee early this year in his hometown where I was visiting relatives - we were both in the middle of separation/divorces at that time and now have had 3 lovely months - and counting - of long distance dating and have all sorts of tentative future plans. Should have taken shares out in WhatsApp 😆

Amiable · 02/07/2023 11:31

@Solitaryasanoyster he got married, then divorced (which is when I shied away) then he married again, and I met someone I wouldn’t leave for him. I married, had 2 kids then separated. He is still married to his second wife (who is lovely) and has 2 kids too. If he was to divorce again this time I would not shy away!

Oblomov23 · 02/07/2023 11:34

He didn't get away though did he? He wasn't right. He had fundamental different wants, no marriage or kids. So why do you still keep him in such high regard? He wasn't right for you. Come on, this viewpoint is really silly. He sounds like a commitment phobe waster.

Channellingsophistication · 02/07/2023 16:08

Mine was a colleague, nothing happened just a sense of feeling and connection. I was married he was single.

He was made redundant from our workplace and returned to home country. Years later after my divorce, another colleague told me how much this guy had liked me. He was such a lovely man.

Livelifelaughter · 02/07/2023 17:03

Solitaryasanoyster · 02/07/2023 08:50

Are you currently single? That must have been so hard to watch that.
so much bravery in going! I would have stayed well away!

Show quote history

I am single....thank God for waterproof mascara...

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