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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Was DH mean?

69 replies

Toughsteak · 12/02/2023 22:23

Or did I deserve this treatment? Name changed.

I inadvertently shrunk a couple of DH's jumpers in the tumble fryer. I apologised and said I would replace them.

He seemed to forget about this during the day but when it came to the evening, he decided to cook himself a lavish steak, chips and mushrooms and not make any for me.

He called me a plonker and an idiot, and turned off the light as I was going up the stairs so that I would not see where I was going.

Thoughts?

OP posts:

GoldDuster · 13/02/2023 06:14

I have never called anyone a dumb fuck. Not a stranger or an intimate partner. It's absolutely vile.

Even if this isnt the worst of it, you're not being unreasonable, this is nasty abusive behaviour.

Luckingfovely · 13/02/2023 06:18

That is totally unacceptable behaviour. Not at normal in any relationship.

Sadly there are countless lovely people here who will tell you that if someone is capable of treating you this way, they won't change and it will only get worse.

I wish you strength and a journey to a happier life without him.

palelavender · 13/02/2023 06:18

Putting the light out! What did he hope for with that - that'd you'd fall down the stairs and hurt yourself? He does sound dreadful.

Leomii81 · 13/02/2023 06:39

Very spiteful of him what other things does he do op.

mickandrorty · 13/02/2023 06:57

That is some really fucking nasty behaviour, you do not treat someone you love like that especially not over an honest mistake. I would actually leave someone over that kind of behaviour he is showing his true spiteful colours!

LovelyDaaling · 13/02/2023 06:59

He's nasty to you and bears a grudge, exacts revenge and has you wondering if you deserve it?

The more you accept that treatment from him, the more he will dish it up. You'll be in for a miserable life if you don't take action. I'd leave him.
Meanwhile, he can do his own laundry.

Zanatdy · 13/02/2023 07:13

That’s completely out of order and I wouldn’t be in a marriage with someone who found this acceptable. He can do his own blooming laundry anyway

ItchyBillco · 13/02/2023 07:34

His level of punishment is worrying. Turning the light off as you climbed the stairs, particularly so.

Comtesse · 13/02/2023 08:42

My husband has damaged some of my clothes when he does the laundry. I have a good old moan at him but that’s it. I don’t swear at him and I don’t do petty mean things later on. He is being pretty horrible here.

DemelzaandRoss · 13/02/2023 08:54

This is abusive behaviour. Please set the wheels in motion to finish the relationship.
Totally unacceptable to punish you in this way.
This man is showing his true colours. Goodness knows what he will do if you make another mistake.
Gradually make plans to get him out of your life.

Tinkerbyebye · 13/02/2023 08:56

He is extremely childish and can do his own washing from now on, and as it’s getting worse start to get your stuff together and leave

AllTheThingsIWantAreHere · 13/02/2023 09:02

I'd divorce him. He clearly doesn't like you. I'd never treat someone I was meant to love like that.

Sindonym · 13/02/2023 09:06

He sounds like a bully. That is really unpleasant behaviour.

ginslinger · 13/02/2023 09:08

I'm certainly not one who shouts LTB on threads, but I'm shouting it now. He is awful, you deserve better. Get out.

Emmamoo89 · 13/02/2023 09:08

He's an arsehole

Jaxinthebox · 13/02/2023 09:11

This is not an appropriate reaction. Being annoyed/upset is ok, but to then be spiteful and nasty later is ridiculous.

You say its not isolated... so get out.

hated4truth · 13/02/2023 09:11

I'd be wondering if there's some ulterior motives for this spiteful behaviour... perhaps he wants out of the relationship for some reason or he's seeing someone.

Fairislefandango · 13/02/2023 09:16

It would be understandable for him to be annoyed or upset, but the nasty, calculating way he behaved towards you is, imo, 100% proof that he is quite simply a horrible person. I'm sure he's capable of being nice when he wants to, but nobody does the things you described if they are not, deep-down, a mean arsehole. And it sounds like this kind of nastiness isnot new for him. He's not going to change. LTB or you will be putting up with the same shit in 10 years' time and wishing you'd left now.

Mumsanetta · 13/02/2023 09:26

I shrunk my DH’s expensive Ralph Lauren jumper and RL shirts - probably a circa £500 cost - and his immediate response was to put his hands out palm up and say “oh fucking hell, baby, they’re ruined!” but he apologised within minutes and told me he knew I hadn’t done it on purpose. I think his response was hurtful but understandable as he isn’t a saint but calling your wife a “dumb fuck” goes way beyond that as does his behaviour later. You deserve so much more than to be with such a spiteful person.

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