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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Was DH mean?

69 replies

Toughsteak · 12/02/2023 22:23

Or did I deserve this treatment? Name changed.

I inadvertently shrunk a couple of DH's jumpers in the tumble fryer. I apologised and said I would replace them.

He seemed to forget about this during the day but when it came to the evening, he decided to cook himself a lavish steak, chips and mushrooms and not make any for me.

He called me a plonker and an idiot, and turned off the light as I was going up the stairs so that I would not see where I was going.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 12/02/2023 22:57

This thread could go on for hundreds more posts; not one person will tell you you deserved this.

Dotcheck · 12/02/2023 22:57

First- love the typo of ‘tumble fryer’ - apt in this case 😃

You made a mistake and did something which mildly inconvenienced him. He:

  • Deliberately called you names
  • Seemed to want to make you stumble up the stairs
  • Selfishly didn’t cook for you
All of his behaviour was intentional and meant to hurt/ punish you.
piedbeauty · 12/02/2023 22:57

He's a tiny-penised arsehole.

Get rid.

Couldyounot · 12/02/2023 22:58

He sounds cunty. At the very least he needs to wash his own fucking jumpers. Are you going to put up with this?

LightDrizzle · 12/02/2023 22:58

Unpleasant man.

BigMamaFratelli · 12/02/2023 22:59

arethereanyleftatall · 12/02/2023 22:57

This thread could go on for hundreds more posts; not one person will tell you you deserved this.

This. He's a twatbadger.

MasterBeth · 12/02/2023 23:00

Stick some more of his shit in the tumble fryer.

vipersnest1 · 12/02/2023 23:01

'Dumb fuck'? Wow. That alone takes some getting past. I know I couldn't do it, but I'm guessing you've had that (and probably worse) in the past.
LEAVE HIM.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/02/2023 23:02

MasterBeth · 12/02/2023 23:00

Stick some more of his shit in the tumble fryer.

Agreed. The prick.

LightSpeeds · 12/02/2023 23:04

Toughsteak · 12/02/2023 22:34

He was particularly frustrated as the jumpers were expensive so I understand that. He is increasingly unkind to me these days and the example I have given is a mild example. I am considering my relationship now as I deserve better than be called a dumb fuck.

If this is just a 'mild' example, I dread to think what else he might be doing to you.

Please leave him as soon as you can x

labamba007 · 12/02/2023 23:04

You made a mistake but he is purposefully being cruel. I would leave, OP. He's not worth it.

DumpedByText · 12/02/2023 23:15

He's a prick that's what he is!

twoandcooplease · 12/02/2023 23:16

Wanker

Return2thebasic · 12/02/2023 23:18

Look up what "passive aggression" means. This is emotional abuse. I do hope you realise you deserve better.

Xol · 12/02/2023 23:25

Yes, you do deserve better. You need a conversation with him about how he either grows the fuck up and behaves like a civilised human being, or gets out.

RosesAndHellebores · 12/02/2023 23:28

Really nasty.

Lalliella · 12/02/2023 23:28

He’s done a right number on you if you possibly think you could deserve this treatment. He’s a nasty, abusive, possibly gas-lighting, bully. Please dump him.

LadyClaude · 12/02/2023 23:31

You had an accident with his jumpers... and we're human, these things happen. He's treating you with contempt, which is a choice he has made. You didn't set out to shrink his jumpers... He has set out to be nasty though.

He sounds horrible OP, spiteful behaviour on his part and it isn't really how someone behaves in a loving relationship. I think you're absolutely right to be questioning the relationship, and there's probably only one answer, isn't there.

Hugs to you x

user12345678912334 · 12/02/2023 23:36

Tell us about the other, worse things, he's said to you.
Putting it down in words will help you see what an abusive pig he really is.
It will not improve.

Lysianthus · 12/02/2023 23:49

You've told us that there are other things. I suspect that you making this post means you feel things are beyond hope. Suggest you try to tell him how you feel, as a start - unless you already did. And if his response is anything less than contrite, then ...... LTB. Horrible behaviour but if you've been married for ages the it may be worth saving if he apologises (and you believe him) etc and it's genuinely a one-off. However if this is normal then no. Good luck.

Original poster
Toughsteak · 13/02/2023 05:43

Thank you for your eye opening replies. It has made me feel wary of DH now instead of that I deserved how he reacted.

OP posts:
LifeIsJustOneBigWTAF · 13/02/2023 05:52

Mean? An abusive bastard is what he is. Do not put up with it. Your plans for today should involve an appointment with a solicitor and what mumsnet calls 'getting your ducks in a row'.
Fuck his jumpers, and fuck him!

Shoxfordian · 13/02/2023 06:05

No you didn’t deserve this reaction - he’s not kind to you and that’s really a minimum standard you should expect from him.

RebeccaCloud9 · 13/02/2023 06:10

Yes he has a right to feel annoyed and to tell you how he felt. I would be disappointed if my jumpers got ruined.

But not to behave like that. Ugh, how horrible. He could have said that he was disappointed about it and moved on, that would be reasonable.

To call you names like that, to continue it on and punish you with the food and to taunt you with the lights is just awful.

As it clearly isn't an isolated instance of him just having had a really bad day and being a one-off arse, I'd be considering leaving if it were me.

SheilaFentiman · 13/02/2023 06:14

Leave