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Original poster

Online dating is so odd!

47 replies

Cherryblossom200 · 10/02/2023 12:20

Hi all,

I don't really date much, I'm happy on my own and have a full life. But thought I'd chat to a few people to see how it goes!

I started chatting with a guy early this week, he seemed keen and kept trying to keep the conversation going. We had a face time chat and he asked me out. I said the next few weeks I'm busy as I'm having building work done and it's my daughters birthday. He said he was happy to wait,

He sent me a nice message yesterday morning, we chatted a bit but I dropped off as I was busy in the afternoon.

Then this morning I get a weird message saying that he hoped I had a nice evening, but he didn't like rather be up front and honest and that he started chatting with a girl who is from London last night and wants to see how things go with her. That it wouldn't be fair to chat to us both!

I told him that it was fine and I wished him all the best. But honestly why tell me so much info? I understand if I would have messaged him first thing today, but why did he feel the need to tell me he met someone else. We haven't even met yet! Seems very odd, I find online dating baffling!

OP posts:
Led9519 · 10/02/2023 12:22

Tbf better than ghosting you. He sounds quite polite!

Darhon · 10/02/2023 12:22

Someone once told me they were pursuing another chat and it helped to be honest. They didn’t like multiple chats, which I get and I didn’t have to wonder why they might not be responding. I moved on. Met someone. They text later and I told them this and they wished me well. So it all worked out.

SpinningFloppa · 10/02/2023 12:30

Well men can’t win, if he was to ghost you you would be complaining about that as well

blippyissilly · 10/02/2023 12:35

You sound like a time waster, you don't know what you want and he's picked up on that and moved on

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 10/02/2023 12:44

I'm not a time waster, I just have a life and don't really prioritise dating until I think the person is worth my time.

OP posts:
TibetanTerrah · 10/02/2023 12:48

Bless him, I think he's new at OLD! Wink

Amadeaa · 10/02/2023 12:50

He sounds quite decent actually, I’ve heard far worse stories about OLD

Ofcourseshecan · 10/02/2023 12:55

Yes, he sounds lovely! All too rare, from what I’ve read here.

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 10/02/2023 12:56

I think he is new to this too, I just find it odd as he was the one who kept trying the Lee the conversation flowing. I would drop off a lot and he would try and pick it up again.

Thinking about it, maybe you are right I probably don't sound very interested 😂 I'm just really busy right now. I think I'll leave dating until my building work is complete! 🤣

OP posts:
Leirvassbu · 10/02/2023 14:05

I think it was honest of him and much better than ghosting.
Perhaps he thought it was nicer to say that than what was probably the reason, that it sounds like you don't really have time for dating in the coming weeks.

Fuckstix · 10/02/2023 14:16

It was polite and honest of him, why odd? If anything I'd have found it odder if someone matched and started chatting, including a call, then used building work as an excuse not to meet for weeks.

Roundaboot · 10/02/2023 14:21

Fuckstix · 10/02/2023 14:16

It was polite and honest of him, why odd? If anything I'd have found it odder if someone matched and started chatting, including a call, then used building work as an excuse not to meet for weeks.

agreed! When I was OLD I found it bloody annoying to start chatting with someone, suggest meeting up and they start making excuses about why they can't. I was looking for dates, not a penpal.

AnotherRandomMale · 10/02/2023 14:26

You went OLD, matched somebody, chatted OL, face timed them, and then said you didn't have any time for a date for weeks, despite being OLD looking for dates.I'd read that as "thanks but no thanks!"He displayed rare impeccable manners and honesty, but he's the weird one?Other way round IMHO!

Musicaltheatremum · 10/02/2023 14:53

My now husband was chatting to several women on line when we met. He'd been chatting to one for about 2-3 weeks and he kept asking her out and she couldn't do date after date. He eventually got a date in the diary for 3 weeks ahead but met me in the meantime and as we met within 48 hours and clicked straight away he messaged her and the others after our 2nd date and told them all he'd met someone. Most said great and good luck but this woman was furious accusing him of leading her on, how she thought he was just speaking to her and she blocked him and reported him to the dating site! Men sometimes can't win. I think he sounds very polite. Better than ghosting!

FuckFuckGo · 10/02/2023 15:08

We had a face time chat and he asked me out. I said the next few weeks I'm busy as I'm having building work done and it's my daughters birthday. He said he was happy to wait

If a man on OLD said this to me after I suggested we meet up I'd assume they were a timewaster or weren't interested in me and would block and move on. I think he's been very polite.

LabradorEyes · 10/02/2023 16:24

Online dating can be odd, but this example is not odd at all. He was being polite and treating you with respect, even though he didn't owe you any explanation

AreWeThereYet69 · 10/02/2023 16:44

You do seem like a bit of a time waster TBH. Having work done to your house and a child's birthday would not mean I was unavailable to meet someone for an hour ir 2!
I think he did the right thing on several levels 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 10/02/2023 19:55

I think you're right. I probably didn't seem interested, and thinking about it I was quite delayed with my responses. Mainly because I genuinely am too busy right now. So I'm not going to try dating until I actually have time. Do you reckon in a month or so I should approach him and see if he would still be interested in meeting up? Maybe apologise for being so rubbish 😂

OP posts:
FuckFuckGo · 10/02/2023 21:08

Good for you OP. I think it wouldn’t hurt to send him a message when you have more time if he still has his profile up Smile

Opentooffers · 10/02/2023 21:15

Only do OLD when you actually have time to date. I wouldn't actually talk to anyone without meeting longer than 2 weeks - so 3 would be a bin off, which is probably what he did, in a polite way.

FenghuangHoyan · 10/02/2023 21:19

I did what the guy did to you when last on old. I'd been out on a few days with one person and they said they weren't sure about me, so I looked elsewhere and told them I'd started taking to someone else and it had been nice talking to them. I got the impression they'd expected sex sooner and if been taking things stay and getting to know them.

Turned out the first person had been hedging their bets looking to see if they could get a better offer. Turned out when I bumped into them a year later that their subsequent partners were all weirdos and they wondered if I was still looking. I wasn't I was married.. to the person I turned to after they said they weren't sure. Felt surprisingly good after they'd umm'd and aaah'd over whether they could do better.

Zanatdy · 10/02/2023 21:28

He does sound like a decent guy, not many who wouldn’t have more than 1 conversation going. I agree that you should wait until you’re available to date before signing up as it definitely does sound like a cop out

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 10/02/2023 21:28

But that's honestly not me, I don't have time to speak to lots of different men and date loads. I did like him but I' not in the right head space to date.

I've just had an extension done, my bathroom isn't fully finished and I think I'm exhausted from it all. It's been a stressful last year, living through it. So I realise that I need to just take some time out to rest and get myself ready to start dating again. Right now I'm too tired for it. Sounds so lame and I'll probably be single forever 😝 but it's not fair on other people.

OP posts:
Tuilpmouse · 10/02/2023 21:39

I assumed people on OLD chatted to multiple people until they were exclusive (depending on quality and number of matches of course). It seems unnecessarily narrowing to chat to one person at a time when you just getting to know them.

Tuilpmouse · 10/02/2023 21:40

@Cherryblossom200

If I was chatting to someone with your excuses, I wouldn't wait around for weeks for you to become free either...

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