Online dating is so odd!

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi all,

I don't really date much, I'm happy on my own and have a full life. But thought I'd chat to a few people to see how it goes!

I started chatting with a guy early this week, he seemed keen and kept trying to keep the conversation going. We had a face time chat and he asked me out. I said the next few weeks I'm busy as I'm having building work done and it's my daughters birthday. He said he was happy to wait,

He sent me a nice message yesterday morning, we chatted a bit but I dropped off as I was busy in the afternoon.

Then this morning I get a weird message saying that he hoped I had a nice evening, but he didn't like rather be up front and honest and that he started chatting with a girl who is from London last night and wants to see how things go with her. That it wouldn't be fair to chat to us both!

I told him that it was fine and I wished him all the best. But honestly why tell me so much info? I understand if I would have messaged him first thing today, but why did he feel the need to tell me he met someone else. We haven't even met yet! Seems very odd, I find online dating baffling!

Seems like you’re only interested now as a number of others said he sounds a decent guy.
I wouldn’t date you. 😁

He's clearly keen to meet someone, you sound a bit meh and flakey, he's chatted to someone else, they seem to be more interested, he's been nice and let you know. He doesn't want to be talking to lots of women at the same time. I don't think it's that weird, if anything it's polite.

Fair enough I take your points onboard. Everyone is different, but early on I talk to a few different people at the same time until I actually meet the person for a date and decide if l would to definitely date them. I don't tend to reveal that I'm chatting to other people because it's just assumed that's normal, everyone does it.

My issue in the past is that I zoom in on one person and it's got me nowhere .

In the early stages I think there isn't anything wrong with keeping things open with a few different people.

However just to be clear, I actually wasn't talking to anyone else. It was just being too busy and not having time to meet him.

I think my issue also is I struggle to find that initial chemistry through online dating. So I get bored easily. But if I meet a man in person, in everyday life (bars, supermarket etc!) then I can tell straight away if I like them. It's laziness on my side to want to go out and see if there is a spark, because 9/10 it's not there!

Don't be daft. If anyone sound odd in this scenario it's you.

Have to agree with other posters OP, if you don’t feel in the right space to accept dates you shouldn’t be OLD.

Yeah give it a miss for a while. Even if you've no bad intentions, it's still time wasting and there's a lot of it about. Very frustrating.

The whole idea is that you're introduced online, have a quick chat to see if you can hold a conversation, then meet in person to see if there's a spark. The point isn't to reliably build a spark beforehand.

It can be time consuming and so many times there's nothing there but it widens your circles and introduces you to people you wouldn't otherwise have met.

Don't worry it's noted. I have had the app on my phone for about a year but haven't used it, I thought the fact that my life is returning back to normal I'd give it a go again, not realising that I'd meet someone so quickly online that I quite like but in terms of timing it wasn't right for me.

I'm genuinely not a time waster but I have a very busy life. I'm a full time single mum, I have a full time job which is quite demanding and just undergone extensive house stuff. I'm realising I'm just tired at the moment and need some time to enjoy life and wait a bit until I'm ready. Maybe summer time 😊

I think the problem with the guy is that he doesn't seem as busy as me and liked to message throughout the day. But my job doesn't always allow that as I run meetings and can't sit and text all day. I prefer less messaging and chat on the phone instead or messaging a bit in the evening. Otherwise I have nothing to talk about if we message all day.

He has treated you better than you've treated him. So I don't understand your problem at all.

So you're not really interested after all. He picked up on this a let you go politely.
I used to just let conversations die off.

Sounds like he got annoyed by you by not messaging him on demand, so he's rubbing it in by telling you he's talking to someone else, let him and when it doesn't work out, ignore him.
I found men online either too demanding of my time as a stranger or non committal, sex pests. Don't get too invested and you are right not too give more time chatting than you're able to give. Hopefully you'll meet someone else that also works hard and has the same communication style.

OLD isn't weird. There are people who behave in weird ways in all situations. Sometimes you might find yourself giving your deep life story to someone in the queue at the shop. Other times you might find yourself on a date with someone and only talk about the weather. It's just life. Reject those who don't do things like you would; they're not 'weird', they're just different from you. You're not the template everyone on OLD should be working from. Some are there just to have a chat. Some say they want to date but in reality they're too busy/shy/married/whatever. Just leave them behind and don't waste your time judging them, unless it helps you to call people 'weird' when they're not just like you.

Does chatting mean just talking, or is it euphemism to sex.

Tbh, I wouldn’t want to hear about others, was it me or them they chose, it’s all pretty ride to ne.

You will quickly learn that endless weeks of chatting is a complete waste of everyone’s time op. Meet or don’t, don’t waste your time and theirs, getting invested, by weeks and months of chatting. I would’ve binned you off too.

Dp was multi-dating when I met him.
He just said if you snooze you lose.😂

https://www.youtube.com/live/ucTKRaixbZQ?feature=share

Who’s busy for a few weeks at a time? Someone who’s not really very keen to meet up. Maybe he was being honest or maybe he was letting you go nicely because he sensed you weren’t that keen to meet up and he would rather not waste any more time

Obviously there isn't a lot we can know about this guy from the brief amount of time you've chatted with him but he sounds great. It's refreshing to come across a man old who isn't trying to string up multiple women and prefers to get to know just one at a time, and is honest about it!

I think he was right to move on and let you know...anyone who is actually looking to date and form a relationship with somone won't want to wait around weeks just to get a first date. I'm glad you've recognized you don't have time at the moment and have decided to wait until you do. If you find someone who wants to chat endlessly chances are by the time you'd want to meet up they weren't serious about it and did all the chatting just for an ego boost. Also best to meet quick so that you invest a lot of time chatting only to find there's no chemistry in person.

Well the other option is he ghosts you ! Then you’d be complaining about that
its frustrating but at least he didn’t disappear and leave you wondering ?

Winterbegone, I'm glad you said that because that's exactly how it came across to me. I know a lot of it was my fault that he chose to stop talking. I didn't make any effort. However because I wasn't really initiating any conversations it would have been easy for him to disappear and more than likely I wouldn't have tried contacting him again. I don't call that ghosting, for me it's just fizzled out and I'm cool with that. I made no effort so I wouldn't of taken offence if he disappeared.

This is how it came across to me... He knew I was out the evening before, he didn't like that I had a life and had fun and decided to sort of punish me by saying he met someone the evening before (the night I was out) and decided to send me a message and tell me that. Why feel the need to tell me that? Fair enough if I had messaged him first thing in the morning then he could have been honest with me then. But not decide to wake up and first thing fire me a text message telling me that he had found someone else.

To me in a way, this isn't showing me he is a nice guy. This is showing me that potentially this guy had controlling and possibly manipulative behaviour. So tbh I'm glad I'm out. I didn't respond to his message with anything other that good luck! I think maybe he expected me to protest but I'm happy if he met someone else, that's fair enough.

Either he’s a nice guy trying to be polite, or he was hoping to get your attention by making you jealous (and I’ve experienced some crazy behaviour when I was online dating, so it really wouldn’t surprise me!). Either way, I’d leave this one in the sea, you’re too busy for him so you wouldn’t be looking for the same things.