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Original poster

Am I unreasonable to be suspect

27 replies

Mindblowindecisions · 09/02/2023 19:00

So today my DH sent me a WhatsAp pic of our newly decorated bathroom that he had just finished off.

I'm was a bit bewildered why it was a disappearing message that I've never recieved from him or anyone before.

I googled it and you can achieve this in settings but when I adked my DH about it he got angry and said he doesn't have a clue how it could have happened!

To be up front and honest this has made me suspicious that he may be sending photos to someone that he doesn't want traced. Maybe he forgot to turn the setting off before sending me the photo.

Am I right to be suspicious?

OP posts:
good96 · 09/02/2023 19:02

No. OP you are over-reacting. It’s easy to do.

2crossedout1 · 09/02/2023 19:03

I'm not an expert, but I think you can choose disappearing messages for some chats and not others (rather than applying to all chats or no chats). So that would seem to be an argument in his favour?

namechange0102 · 09/02/2023 19:03

You can just accidentally click a button and it will send show only once - I accidentally do it often / fat fingers 🙄

aspoonfulofshoulda · 09/02/2023 19:03

My phone has started doing this and I have no idea how so, YABU

PotatoFacedWombat · 09/02/2023 19:04

I did it by mistake the other day- you don't actually have to change it in the settings, it's on the screen with the chat and is just above the send button. Very easy to do

growgrowinggrown · 09/02/2023 19:08

-Open your WhatsApp on anyone of your contacts

  • select the little paperclip as if you're going to send a pic to them
-select any pic (you're not actually going to send it)
  • it will pop up giving you the option to add caption
-right hand side is a '1'... Clicking that means the person will only be able to view the image once before it goes

It's tiny, right next to everything and easy enough to accidently click, especially with fat thumbs and fast texting.

The alternative is automatically deleting messaging which you can set for a certain number of hours.
If someone does this, you recieve an in chat notification telling you 'John has activated 24hr deleting' and all messages to you will delete after the allocated time.

I think if it's the former a total accident and nothing to worry about at all.

Keepithidden · 09/02/2023 19:09

Yep, as per PP, I e done this myself today sending a screenshot to DS. Nothing untoward on my part!

Pumpkinween · 09/02/2023 19:10

I sent DH a picture of a screenshot of a recipe last week. Easily done

Emmamoo89 · 09/02/2023 19:10

Yabu

TulaDoesTheHula · 09/02/2023 19:12

This happens when you press this button (which comes up each time you send a picture). It’s very easy to do accidentally & nothing to be suspicious about.

Am I unreasonable to be suspect
JorisBonson · 09/02/2023 19:14

I have fat thumbs and do this by mistake a lot. You're overreacting.

Unicorn2022 · 09/02/2023 19:14

Thank you for posting this as I've been doing it all week and had no idea how.

lovechickencrisps · 09/02/2023 19:15

JorisBonson · 09/02/2023 19:14

I have fat thumbs and do this by mistake a lot. You're overreacting.

Exactly this!!

NeonBoomerang · 09/02/2023 19:15

You're being paranoid. I've done it accidentally in the past.

Wonderland19 · 09/02/2023 19:16

I did this by mistake to my DP the other day. I've absolutely no idea how. And am definitely not cheating

TulaDoesTheHula · 09/02/2023 19:18

Also there is a difference between disappearing messages & view once pictures.

Disappearing messages are achieved via settings however you will be notified of this in the chat window so you will know if this is switched on.

View once pictures / videos has nothing to do with the settings & achieved by accidentally pressing the button as per the picture in my post above.

Your DH sent you a view once picture which is very easy to do accidentally.

LightBuzzyear27 · 09/02/2023 19:29

I accidentally do it all the time, YABU.

ShakespearesBlister · 09/02/2023 20:01

My friend started doing this and she's really clueless with her phone. She has no idea it was even happening. I think you are reading far too much into this and trying to make it fit with a suspicion you already had because you don't trust him...

OgdensGoneNutFlake · 09/02/2023 20:18

You're overreacting. This is very easy to do as stated above. If something this small is enough to trigger mistrust in you then I think you have a problem bigger than WhatsApp disappearing messages.

Dery · 09/02/2023 20:45

“You're overreacting. This is very easy to do as stated above. If something this small is enough to trigger mistrust in you then I think you have a problem bigger than WhatsApp disappearing messages.”

This. Why are you so suspicious? Your poor husband.

Original poster
Mindblowindecisions · 09/02/2023 21:15

Thank you all for putting things in perspective. I now realise that I may have overreacted slightly but as some of you correctly stated its due to alot of insecurity in my marriage due to finding my DH on dating sites, porn (lots of) etc etc in the past and i'm trying to work it all out! Glad I have nothing to worry about on this occasion.

OP posts:
MyDogLucy · 09/02/2023 21:20

I knew there had to be more to this and your latest update just explains it. So you don't trust him at all. And who can blame you?

Can I ask what made you stay with him? I'm not judging, I've been in your exact position. I stayed because I was too scared of being alone. Honestly it's not been worth it at all, I don't trust him but whenever I've raised it, I'm apparently the unreasonable one and am wrecking our marriage because 'you can never get over anything'. It's made me ill. I'm finally leaving him, I wish I'd done that in the beginning and saved myself 4 years of hell.

Unicorn2022 · 09/02/2023 22:22

Ah well it's understandable that you were suspicious. It must be really difficult to not think the worst all the time, and stressful for you.

cleanbreak2022 · 09/02/2023 23:05

My phone has just done a software update and I've started sending these images in error. The option to send a 'view once' image is where the old send button is so very easily done!

Original poster
Mindblowindecisions · 10/02/2023 08:32

MyDogLucy
I'm so sorry you're are going through this also, it is all very very stressful and the anxiety it causes is next to none and very damaging. I don't even have a life because I know as soon as I leave the house he's assensually inviting other women into our home and I feel I'm encouraging this behaviour by doing so. Crazy I know! In the beginning I stayed because of so many lies, making me feel as though I am the crazy one with the problem, never getting any answers and like you scared of being alone.

I went on to HRT purely because I thought it may help me to keep up with his sexual demands and therefor he would not feel the need for other women (Stupid I Know!) even though he was the one who damaged our sex life in the first place by doing what he does. I got womb cancer as a result of the HRT that almost killed me. I blame him for that! I now stay because I feel like damaged goods both physically ( due to radical Hysterectomy) and mentally. Don't mean to sound dramatic OP but Glad your getting away with your life.

OP posts: