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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Hubby wants more sex..

44 replies

Racheldub · 09/02/2023 16:26

My hubby has been for want of a better word very horny the last few months. Like he is waking me up for sex.. now I like sex but not at 6am in the morning... although I can see he does! With kids and work it's hard to find the energy. Anyone else experienced same? We are both mid 40's with three kids below 10.

I font want him to feel neglected but also like my sleep!

OP posts:
Unananana · 09/02/2023 17:25

You can say no? You don't have to have sex with him at 6am or at any other time?

Topseyt123 · 09/02/2023 17:27

I'd tell him to jog on!

BeachBlondey · 09/02/2023 17:29

Unananana · 09/02/2023 17:25

You can say no? You don't have to have sex with him at 6am or at any other time?

Certainly not at 6am, but "or at any other time" ?? I'll never understand posts like this on MN. If you don't want to be intimate with your DH, at any time ever, then something is very seriously wrong with your marriage.

Schnooze · 09/02/2023 17:29

Waking you up! How very disrespectful. Tell him where to go.

BHRK · 09/02/2023 17:40

I’d also tell him to sod off at 6am, however how much sex are you having generally?
if it’s regular then you’re well within your rights to tell him where to go. But if it’s been six months maybe he’s trying to get his point across that it’s not enough? Try talking to him? Obviously it’s never ok to feel pressured into sex but sometimes couples do need to discuss what they both see as “enough”

FenghuangHoyan · 09/02/2023 17:42

This has got my spider senses tingling. I'm curious as to what's changed in his life that's led to him wanting this now... But then I've probably read too many MN threads.

Particularprick · 09/02/2023 17:44

FenghuangHoyan · 09/02/2023 17:42

This has got my spider senses tingling. I'm curious as to what's changed in his life that's led to him wanting this now... But then I've probably read too many MN threads.

Same!

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 09/02/2023 17:44

What @FenghuangHoyan said

taxpayer1 · 09/02/2023 17:48

I think you need to record him and report him to the police for harassment and undue pressure.

JessicaFletcherscrewnecksweater · 09/02/2023 17:52

Being woken up for a shag would piss me off so much. Anything where someone deliberately sabotages someone’s sleep for their own selfish ends would piss me off.

Sux2buthen · 09/02/2023 17:53

taxpayer1 · 09/02/2023 17:48

I think you need to record him and report him to the police for harassment and undue pressure.

😂😂😂

amiold · 09/02/2023 17:55

My partner wouldn't dare wake me up for it. He also doesn't get it in the morning. He'd also like more sex 🤷‍♀️ hey ho he hasn't died. Tell him to behave.

Louisetopaz21 · 09/02/2023 17:57

I suppose it depends on what your preference is. I don't mind my DH waking me up if he feels horny and vice versa. However if this is unwanted then your husband should respect your boundaries.

Emmamoo89 · 09/02/2023 18:18

taxpayer1 · 09/02/2023 17:48

I think you need to record him and report him to the police for harassment and undue pressure.

Omg no

Sexypyjamas · 09/02/2023 18:24

Immediately thought same as @FenghuangHoyan like the others.

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 09/02/2023 18:32

You don't have to have sex you don't want, and if you make it clear you don't want to be woken for sex he should stop doing it. Others are fine with it, me and my DH don't mind and I've woken DH at 2am and he's been very up for it 😂. But if you're not he must stop.

However, if this is on a backdrop of you having sex once a month or less, and you say you'd love too but can't because its too late, been a long day, kids are up etc .. then he's trying to do what you asked. Early before kids get up. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with that little sex.

If you have an active sex life and he's bugging you for more he's being a pest and deserves a good bollocking. If it's because you're not having much sex at all, then you're within your rights to not want sex, but he's also within his rights to decide he wants sex and find someone else who will give him that side of the relationship he needs.

Cocobutt · 09/02/2023 18:35

Have you spoken to him about it?

I enjoy being woken up in the morning in a pleasurable way and I know other people do too but it’s ok if you don’t and you need to sit him down and tell him to stop doing it as you don’t like it.

Spottycarousel · 09/02/2023 19:32

taxpayer1 · 09/02/2023 17:48

I think you need to record him and report him to the police for harassment and undue pressure.

Way OTT.

Dweetfidilove · 09/02/2023 19:37

taxpayer1 · 09/02/2023 17:48

I think you need to record him and report him to the police for harassment and undue pressure.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

DrivestraightuptheA1 · 09/02/2023 19:46

If you go through the sex surge of menopause soon it’ll be you waking him up! But, seriously, a 6am wake up call for a shag is a bit much!

needhelp1970 · 09/02/2023 19:55

I'm wanting the same thing, but this is what scares me telling my wife. It seems unreasonable to want more sex, but how about the other side , it's probably really important to him.

What else would you suggest he does, what if he said as he wasn't getting enough at home could he find it somewhere else, that would be wrong too.

What's the best solution to this? Just accept the lack of sex and be annoyed by it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/02/2023 19:59

Being woken at 6 for any reason bar the house being on fire would make me furious and it wouldn’t happen twice. And I’m a big fan of sex and like to do it often. Never at 6am. Never. There are plenty of other hours in the day.

category12 · 09/02/2023 20:03

Say "stop waking me up for sex in the morning, it's too early, I don't want to do it then".

If he doesn't stop, then you have a serious problem.

Mumskisail · 09/02/2023 20:08

I would definitely try to find a way to accommodate his sex drive. Can you try to talk it over in a positive way and to initiate it at other times? I hate to say but in my experience, if a man isn't getting it at home then he'll get it elsewhere.

ManyNameChanges · 09/02/2023 20:13

@needhelp1970 , just TALK.

It’s not hard. Stop putting pressure in your partner, make them feel crap for saying No etc… for a start it usually works much better than waking your partner at 6.00am when they are tired.
Stop playing the victim - I just have to accept it then <sad puppy eyes>
And find a solution to the problem TOGETHER.

@Racheldub what I said to needle above.
Waking you up is just a NO-NO.
There isn’t such a thing as ‘neglecting him’ esp when it happens he wants MORE than usual.
So have a talk to him. Explain your tiredness, the dcs etc… See what would make you more likely to have sex (eg the old ‘him taking more responsibility in the house/mental load’ etc…)
Ask him what’s going on that he is so horny atm too. By any chance, does he have more energy now that the dcs are older? (It could be something else but he won’t tell you will he?)

He really should have been the one to start that conversation tbh. You know like an adult.

But the bottom line is that, if you dont want to have sex more often, then don’t.