This is going to be quite a long one, so apologies in advance.
my boyfriend and I are having a few issues recently, so I could do with some advice.
To give some background I’m 27 and he’s 26, we own a house together, we are both considered high earners (£70k plus) and he has a 5 year old son (who I am the step mother of).
I have also previously been in an extremely physically abusive relationship and therefore I am quite sensitive.
My boyfriend has autism and has always struggled with regulating his tone. However, more recently this has become more and more problematic with arguments often ending up getting very heated on his part (usually over very small things). To the point that recently, he pushed me, kicked me and then threw some things breaking them. Further, on Christmas Day, he got so annoyed at a very small thing that he threw the Christmas tree across the room smashing a very sentimental bauble that my mother had got me. There have been numerous other times where his anger has gotten the better of him.
Further, he is extremely lazy and does hardly any house work (only if I give specific instructions), 99% of our large house is cleaned by me.
Also, anything that ever happens is always my fault. Everything is twisted and the whole situation is completely gaslit and warped to being my fault. Even something small like his shoes going missing.
More recently, it was my birthday, and we went to Rome to celebrate. We split the costs evenly (dog care, fuel, flights, transport when we were there, car parking and food) save for the hotel which he paid for.
However, the day of my birthday came, and I was upset to find that he hadn’t bought me a card. He claimed it’s because Italians don’t do cards (fair enough but why couldn’t one be purchased prior to leaving). It wasn’t that I was being a spoilt brat, but considering the last few months I just wanted to wake up to some lovely words on a piece of 20p card. To give further context, due to being autistic, my partner isn’t the most romantic type and very rarely says or does anything cute, so to me it was an opportunity to be romantic and write some nice words to make me feel special.
More recently, my boyfriend decided to start a public forum about this, to which I have been completely berated and hounded, where people are calling me spoilt and selfish and that I shouldn’t have expected a birthday card considering I was in Rome. He has been sending me screenshots of these messages (some of which are completely vile, calling me all sorts of names) and telling me that I am completely wrong and that I’m a horrible person etc.
Any advice would be appreciated - am I expecting too much?