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Original poster

Would you end a friendship over this?

64 replies

Caramelatte · 06/02/2023 20:10

I have just got an offer to study an Economics degree at a Russel uni. For context, I am a single mum working on minimum wage. So this degree means the world to me because it will give me opportunities to provide a better life for me and my child.
I recently told one of my closest friends about my offer, she didn’t know I had applied as I hadn’t seen her for a few weeks. Her reaction was disappointing to say the least.
She didn’t congratulate me. Instead she went on a rant about how uni is a waste of time and money and that Economics is really hard.
I felt really deflated after the conversation, and still do tbh. She messaged me like everything’s normal but I don’t view our friendship in the same way since because I don’t understand how she can not support me??
I’ve only known her for a year but we are super close and she has done a lot to support me with other things in my life. I guess I’m just confused as to why she can’t see that this is a blessing for me and to be happy.
Wwyd in this situation?

OP posts:
meetmeatmidnights · 06/02/2023 20:14

That's tough OP!

I would hope in most situations that friends would be supportive - she should have congratulated you if it's obvious that it's something you've worked hard towards and were happy about.

Without being a negative nelly, I can see part of her POV - I'm unsure what job an economics degree would put you in place for, that wouldn't be accessible perhaps another way and it will be a really hard degree (probably extra hard as a single mum with lots of responsibilities at home too).

If it's unusual for her as she's been really supportive in other aspects of your life then I'd not end a friendship over just that, but I would tell the person I was quite hurt by their immediate reaction.

Oopsiedaisyy · 06/02/2023 20:14

I wouldn't end the friendship per se but i would recognise she may be jealous that you are choosing to move forward with your life in a way she is unable to

catsnore · 06/02/2023 20:34

I had a similar reaction from my best friend when I went away to uni. She stopped speaking to me after I left. Later she admitted she felt left behind and that is was taking me away from her/was jealous as she never went to uni. It didn't end our friendship completely but it was never the same after that.

Specificandquantified · 07/02/2023 01:15

You should only surround yourself with people who want the best for you and are happy for you.

blisstwins · 07/02/2023 01:18

I would be honest and tell her it hurt. She may have been jealous, she may have been being honest, who knows. But don’t expect her to read your mind and see how she responds after

blisstwins · 07/02/2023 01:18

And congrats

Nicecow · 07/02/2023 01:22

She's probably jealous. Well done OP! The friendship will probably die a natural death

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 07/02/2023 01:24

Some people think that if you want to get a degree it means you think THEY'RE not good enough. I lost a few friends because of that....

EmmaEmerald · 07/02/2023 01:24

Well done OP! I’m sorry your friend reacted like this. I would talk to her about it. It’s strange. I had some odd reactions from people when I went freelance. Some people are genuinely worried. It’s annoying but I’d give her the chance to explain.

Reclaimtheoutdoors · 07/02/2023 01:31

I’d distance myself. She seems jealous. Some people enjoy being the one who “helps” you or listens to all your tales of misfortune and once you start doing better for yourself they resent it because secretly you made them feel like they were winning in life.

I have had friends & family like this and they have almost ruined some really happy moments of good news.

MintJulia · 07/02/2023 01:38

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 07/02/2023 01:24

Some people think that if you want to get a degree it means you think THEY'RE not good enough. I lost a few friends because of that....

This.

People can be insecure or envious. She may never have had the chance to go, so I'd give it a little time to see if the friendship recovers. But it may just fade over time.

AnotherSpare · 07/02/2023 01:39

You say you are super close to this friend, but then say she didn't know you had applied to university. Why wouldn't you tell your super close friend you were applying for the course?
It doesn't sound like the friendship is all that. You didn't tell her something important in your life, she isn't excited for you. You don't need to "end" the friendship, it'll naturally drift off as your life gets busier with studying alongside being a parent and no doubt working too.

Coyoacan · 07/02/2023 01:42

Congratulations, OP. That is no mean feat. And of course an economics degree is well worth getting.

BritInAus · 07/02/2023 01:49

Congratulations on your uni offer, that's amazing! :)

I agree she will be jealous/worried it will mean you see less of each other, or similar. Really poor she couldn't congratulate you properly.

If you really value her friendship, I would let her know you were surprised by her reaction, and whilst you appreciate you have the kind of friendship where you can raise concerns with each other, you were hurt that she didn't congratulate you on something you're really excited about.

It will either go 2 ways - she'll feel a bit of a d*ck and apologise, congratulate you and hopefully be a bit more self-aware in future OR be defensive/let contact slide - which isn't a bad thing in that case.

Enjoy your studies - yes it's tough as a single parent (been there!) but so worth it.

hailer · 07/02/2023 01:51

You aren't her friend as you didn't tell her before you applied. So don't moan now because you didn't have a friend to lose

journeyofinsanity · 07/02/2023 02:05

meetmeatmidnights · 06/02/2023 20:14

That's tough OP!

I would hope in most situations that friends would be supportive - she should have congratulated you if it's obvious that it's something you've worked hard towards and were happy about.

Without being a negative nelly, I can see part of her POV - I'm unsure what job an economics degree would put you in place for, that wouldn't be accessible perhaps another way and it will be a really hard degree (probably extra hard as a single mum with lots of responsibilities at home too).

If it's unusual for her as she's been really supportive in other aspects of your life then I'd not end a friendship over just that, but I would tell the person I was quite hurt by their immediate reaction.

Yep. Negative Nelly. Economics degrees are highly sought after by employers. Are they hard? Yes. But so are psychology, maths, chemistry or engineering degrees. What's your point? That the OP should pick an easy degree even if it's useless? As you seem to misunderstand the value of an economics degree, I assume you are fairly clueless about education and the value of it

lornmower · 07/02/2023 05:00

Reclaimtheoutdoors · 07/02/2023 01:31

I’d distance myself. She seems jealous. Some people enjoy being the one who “helps” you or listens to all your tales of misfortune and once you start doing better for yourself they resent it because secretly you made them feel like they were winning in life.

I have had friends & family like this and they have almost ruined some really happy moments of good news.

I absolutely second this. So, so true.

I'd feel exactly the same way as you do, OP

ittakes2 · 07/02/2023 05:50

Congratulations, a;though it does sound strange you want to give up on a friendship you find valuable without discussing this with you. I suspect her own internal voice is trying to rationalise something from her past about studying / degrees / bettering herself.

Dery · 07/02/2023 07:02

Congratulations on your offer, OP. Economics degrees are very competitive so you’ve done really well to get an offer.

All that said - I think you’re being rather hard on your friend. Yes, she could have been more positive for you but you say you’re super-close and she’s been a great friend in other ways so it seems a bit harsh on your part that you’re considering ending your friendship because she didn’t give you exactly what you want on this occasion. That makes you not a very good friend in my view. She may be feeling hurt that you didn’t mention your application and worried about being left behind.

ZaphodDent · 07/02/2023 07:10

You have an unsatisfactory conversation with a super close friend who has done a lot to support you and you're thinking of ending the friendship?

Justalittlebitduckling · 07/02/2023 07:17

You are doing a lot of personal growth and are just about to embark on a whole new chapter of your life. You are going to outgrow some friendships and hopefully make some new ones. This friend is entitled to her opinion, although she wasn’t very supportive. For the sake of only a one year friendship I wouldn’t necessarily drop her over this but I might stop making an effort and see what happens.

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 07/02/2023 07:18

Fantastic news op!
Sounds like she spoke in a knee jerk way without thinking first and she has some personal attitudes to uni education which got in the way.
Maybe tell her it was a big deal to you and you were hurt by her reaction, it was surprising as you've always found her to be supportive, and you hoped that your friendship would continue be one which is mutually as you valued that.
See what she says to that.
She might also value you and fear this causing distance perhaps.

Lkydfju · 07/02/2023 07:18

I would speak to her about it and explain how it made you feel; her reaction to that will tell you what you need to know.

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 07/02/2023 07:19

ZaphodDent · 07/02/2023 07:10

You have an unsatisfactory conversation with a super close friend who has done a lot to support you and you're thinking of ending the friendship?

This sums it up for me. 🙃

dudsville · 07/02/2023 07:23

I'm surprised that the responses aren't more evenly in your favour OP. You've only been friends for a year, sure her response is likely to be pure defence mechanism against her own sense of struggle, but this is a red flag, it says something about who she is and about the friendship she's offering you.

Congratulations OP, you've not chosen the way roadand i respect that. Fwiw, i left a husband who, amongst other things, was incapable of celebrating my achievements. He was comfortable when i was down a peg or two. That's not a nice way to be.

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