Would you end a friendship over this?

[Caramelatte]

I have just got an offer to study an Economics degree at a Russel uni. For context, I am a single mum working on minimum wage. So this degree means the world to me because it will give me opportunities to provide a better life for me and my child.
I recently told one of my closest friends about my offer, she didn’t know I had applied as I hadn’t seen her for a few weeks. Her reaction was disappointing to say the least.
She didn’t congratulate me. Instead she went on a rant about how uni is a waste of time and money and that Economics is really hard.
I felt really deflated after the conversation, and still do tbh. She messaged me like everything’s normal but I don’t view our friendship in the same way since because I don’t understand how she can not support me??
I’ve only known her for a year but we are super close and she has done a lot to support me with other things in my life. I guess I’m just confused as to why she can’t see that this is a blessing for me and to be happy.
Wwyd in this situation?

MANY CONGRATULATIONS,@Caramelatte !!!

Focus on your future. Your friend may choose to support you. Or not. But do not let her derail you.

If you’re good friends then why end the friendship unless she’s always like this but if it’s an isolated incident then just tell her she hurt your feelings or just ignore it & move on. I wouldn’t bother holding grudges it’s her opinion & ultimately it doesn’t matter what she feels as you’re doing it anyway. Not everyone who has negative feelings about something is jealous, that’s a very childish perspective so I would discuss it with her

I would have asked why the negativity at the time, but also would distance myself. Uni as a single mother is going to be tough and you don't need someone like her making you feel bad about your choices. What you've achieved is fantastic and anyone not 100% behind you isn't a good friend.

Some friendships are built on the unspoken notion that one person is weak and needy and the other is strong and supportive. If this power base is challenged, by the weak person gaining independencce and strength then the one in the supportive role feels unsettled.

Give her time to get used to the idea. If your friendship is strong enough, let her know how sad and surprised you were that she wasn't more supportive of you. Don't just let the friendship drift as then she might think, with fair cause, that you moved on because she was no longer of service to you and you were moving in more intellectual social circles, which wouldn't be true, from what you describe.

But... sometime, when our lives get better we do have to move away from friends who want to stay put.

@journeyofinsanity

That's nice of you! Economics degrees might be sought after - I said that I couldn't think of a job that required them, that wouldn't have another accessible route, e.g training / qualification on the job funded by the employer.

My point wasn't that the OP should pick an easy or useless degree - it was that the friend might be coming from a genuine place of concern about how hard university would be, and might not necessarily be coming from a place of being bitter as several PP have suggested.

I'm not clueless about education at all, I'm degree educated to masters level, chartered in my profession and undertake additional training most years. However there's people doing the same job as me that started as an apprentice, don't have a degree and had their education funded by their employer to get to the exact same place that I'm in. The point is a degree is great and can be essential in some jobs, but for the majority of roles they're a nice to have rather than an essential.

I wasn't trying to be a cow at all - just suggesting what the friend might have been thinking from another perspective.

She's one of those people who wants friends she can feel better than. In her head so far she's been able to say 'but hey, I'm doing better than her' - but now she can see that won't last so she's trying to hold you back.

Not a true friend.

You're being disingenuous to say that you can't understand why she reacted like she did. She's envious and feels left behind. I doubt that she 'went on a rant' about it too. You sound a bit up your own arsenal tbh.

Congratulations on your university offer.Grab the opportunity with both hands.

You friend sounds jealous;I'm guessing she didn't have the opportunity to go to university?

''@hailer · Today 01:51
You aren't her friend as you didn't tell her before you applied. So don't moan now because you didn't have a friend to lose''

What a nasty little comment...Very likely the OP was concerned she might not get in and wanted to wait until she had a confirmed place to announce it to everyone.

Anyway OP, some people are just insecure. When someone close to them is doing well they react defensively because they are a little bit jealous deep down and they compare your success with what is going on in their own life.

I would distance myself from her if she can't just be genuinely happy for you and can't cope with instances where you might ''outshine'' her. That's not the type of people you want to be around.

You sound a bit up your own arsenal

😂..... no she doesn't.

She just has her head screwed on right and knows where she is heading

I wouldn't end the friendship as such but I would view her differently. For whatever reason jealousy, small mindedness insecurity etc she is unable to see that this is a huge accomplishment for you. As you grow and develop she will remain at a fixed point and you will likely drift apart a bit I suspect.

I don't think it's jealousy, rather fear over losing a good friend. Uni separates people, even people with the best intentions.

I had a 'friend' like this when I went back into education as an adult. She took every opportunity to make me feel bad about bettering myself (I was lazy because I was a student, that I was wasting my time). She's not a friend anymore, I got a first, I'm currently finishing of a professional registration. Uni changed my life. She's still working her dead end job.

Get your degree and don't look back! And well done for getting accepted!

I'd have a chat with her about it and say you felt a bit hurt. You might then get a better understanding of why she said that. You might have got the wrong end of the stick. I don't think you should end a friendship because of one reaction you didn't like - talk to her.

She was shocked (and or jealous). I would t end it.

But I would see it forwhat it is.

She’s worried about losing you

she's jealous. I would state politely that you feel hurt that she's not been supportive of your achievement, as a close friend you're worried there's something behind her reaction.

Congratulations OP, well done!

It does seem a bit odd that you are ‘super close’ but hadn’t been in touch for a few weeks. And she clearly views you as a friend as she is messaging normally.

Her reaction wasn’t great, but you hadn’t shared with her that it was part of your plan or thinking. She probably sees you as moving away from the friendship, and towards your new Uni life and may herself feel hurt. There was she, helping you and supporting you with things but you not sharing your thinking or plans.

Maybe explain why you didn’t discuss your plans with her, and tell her you felt a bit upset that her response was not more encouraging. But if she is actually a friend listen to her pov too, if she talks about feeling left behind in your life. She might even feel used, given the support she has given in one (first) year of friendship. Have you supported her with things?

Does she fear that she will be relief in for childcare?

Thanks all for your perspectives. It does sting a bit to feel like she is jealous, because I have always supported any positive thing that has happened to her.
For those saying we can’t be that close if I didn’t tell her I applied, I disagree. I was in two minds whether I was going to apply or not and submitted my application at the very last minute, and got an offer back within a couple of days. So it all happened very fast and I was waiting till I saw her next to tell her my news.
Also, she didn’t go to uni (obviously!) but she does have a good job, far better paying than mine. And she’s recently been promoted which she told me about just before I told her about uni. I was super happy and proud of her, so it’s not like she has a shit life and is jealous mine ‘could get better.’

Don't make the mistake of attributing simple base feelings to get reaction.
Your news might have inadvertently touched upon some deep seated insecurities for her and these things are never personal to you who accidentally unearths such things.
It is likely to be more subtle and complex than she's a jealous person who can't find the generosity of spirit to be pleased for you.
Since we already know she is kind and supportive by nature, far more likely to be something very personal to her. Maybe her uni aspirations never emerged because her family raised her to be very suspicious of the supposed benefits. Maybe she would have loved to go but couldn't for some reason... Whatever it is, don't be wounded by this, be curious, it's out of character, and she likely didn't intend to be unkind.
Keep an open mind and just talk to her.

Her reaction... That should say

So very true. Well put.

OP I believe that you can be very proud of yourself. Being a single mom is tough enough and of course the main goal is, as you said rightly, to provide a better life for your child and yourself. I assume that you already went through a lot of upheavals in life. Look forward to this opportunity! It´s painful to lose friends on the road but as it´s been stated before, eventually you will make new friends. Main thing ist that you stand your grounds and move forward in dignity.

Best of luck!

I don’t think it’s a case of her feeling ‘left behind’ we both live in the same city, and I will be going to uni in this city so it’s not like I’m moving.
But, I do appreciate the comments about taking a holistic view of the friendship because she has been such a great friend to me over the past year. I feel very lucky to have met her because she has supported me through the trials and tribulations of heartbreak and being a new mum, which I am eternally grateful for.
I agree that it’s definitely a ‘her’ problem and not a ‘me’ problem. I think I will approach the subject again to gently let her know how I feel, hoping that she doesn’t get defensive because I would feel sad to lose her.

This. I’ve seen it over and over again (I’m old)

That said, given your history with her can you talk it through with her, then you’ll have clarity about the friendship going forwards?

economics is a great degree, though very challenging. What are your plans job-wise afterwards? Congratulations!

Congratulations. Some friendships are long and some are short.