I am thinking of leaving my husband. We have been married for eight years and have three children aged five and under.
My husband has been depressed on and off since the birth of our first child. The whole family is suffering as a result. He shouts and swears at the children multiple times a day, often for really minor things like not putting their shoes on fast enough. The children talk about how daddy is 'angry'. They are quite shy and anxious and I worry that part of that is due to them being told off so often. My husband refuses to acknowledge there is an issue and says, simply, 'It's the kids! They drive me mad!' (rather than something along the lines of 'They were being frustrating and I reacted in a way I'm not proud of, and I know I need to work on that'). As a result, there is quite often a horrible atmosphere and things like holidays and special occasions pass under a dark cloud because we are just waiting for him to be triggered and ruin it with his aggression.
Aside from his moodiness, he drinks quite heavily, goes on all-day sessions to the football most weekends, gambles secretly on multiple websites, and has recently started vaping. He goes AWOL on nights out once a month or so and ends up losing his phone, his bank cards, his passport, etc, etc then stumbles home in the early hours, blind drunk.
In short, his behaviour is like that of a moody, rebellious teenager. I think he is unhappy living the life of a family man, and all the responsibilities that come with that, and the potentially destructive behaviours he is engaging in are an attempt to make himself feel better.
He is on antidepressants already, but is not interested in talking to a doc about changing the dosage or type. He has repeatedly refused to try counselling. I have tried really hard to help him over the years but I won't write about how here as that's not the point of this thread. Suffice to say, I think I have reached the point where I don't think I CAN help him.
ANYWAY, if you've made it this far, my question is: Given the fact he is verbally aggressive towards the children, what are the chances of him being granted 50/50 custody? I think he has the potential to be a great dad if he had a longer break from them and more free time, but I think he'd go for 50/50 (or more) because he felt he should and almost to 'win'. Could I realistically argue that max 1-2 nights a week would be in the best interests of all parties? The thought of leaving them unsupervised with his rages for half the week terrifies me.
Also, although I could possibly JUST afford the mortgage and bills solo, there is no way the mortgage company would transfer the amount we owe just to me. The outstanding mortgage is around 7 or 8 times my salary as it is, and then I expect I would need to pay my husband £100k+ for his share of the equity. How on earth do people afford divorce??? We both work and earn roughly the same.
For what it's worth, I don't hate my husband. I feel desperately sad and sorry for him. I don't want to take him to the cleaners and leave him financially ruined. I also don't want to drag his name through mud. However, I do want my children to have as happy a childhood as possible.
I'm at the very early stages here so please be kind if I'm being completely ignorant. I would just really welcome some advice and tips from those who have been through a similar situation.