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Original poster

How often does your DP go out with mates ?

48 replies

crikeybiller · 05/02/2023 18:47

Exactly that.
I was in a 20 year horrible marriage with a misery who never went anywhere. He also hated me going out so I didn't, subsequently I barely have any friends.
Am now divorced and been in a relationship with DP for 3 years. We met in 2019 just before the pandemic so only saw each other for the first 2 years or so. We didn't go out with friends as couldn't really.
We're incredibly happy and I trust him. We go out as a couple, although not loads, and have holidays together.
In the last 12 months he's started going back out with mates. Maybe a Friday night every couple of months.
He goes back to his home town for the night out, generally texts me he's home safe and communicates a little throughout the night.
I have no reason to be suspicious or mis trust him. I just don't know how much going out is a lot because of my ridiculously unhealthy and controlling marriage....

OP posts:
Aprilx · 05/02/2023 18:52

That sounds absolutely fine and normal to me.

Aprilx · 05/02/2023 18:53

Aprilx · 05/02/2023 18:52

That sounds absolutely fine and normal to me.

Well if anything it is less than average.

TheChosenTwo · 05/02/2023 18:55

Dh goes out one night a week with his friends, either to play football or to the pub. I also go out with my friends one night a week. Sometimes we go out more than one night each, some weeks we go out less although that’s rare.

Original poster
crikeybiller · 05/02/2023 18:58

The night out is usually the pub all night then sometimes, although not often, on to a club.
They are in their 50s for context ...

OP posts:
meetmeatmidnights · 05/02/2023 18:59

One night every few months? That's definitely below average.

My DH goes out to play football / golf weekly, probably pub night once a month and maybe a stag do / concert weekend away twice a year.

Deathbyfluffy · 05/02/2023 18:59

crikeybiller · 05/02/2023 18:58

The night out is usually the pub all night then sometimes, although not often, on to a club.
They are in their 50s for context ...

There’s nothing wrong with that - I’d only worry if it was every week.
I do similar every 2/3 weeks and it’s a non-issue.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/02/2023 19:00

Weekly- doesn’t bother me at all- I have two evenings out this week coming up. which is rare but equally I could go out weekly. I’m shattered come 9pm so if my husband wants to go see his friends why would I object

Changingplace · 05/02/2023 19:00

Sounds very normal to me OP, I probably see friends a couple of times a month and so does DH so he’s seeing his friends less than we do but it sounds pretty average really.

StreamingCervix · 05/02/2023 19:01

I think that sounds less than average. You’ll get extremes of introverted hermits at one end and people who are in the pub daily though, but your partner is behaving very ordinarily in socialising.

would you like to have friendships?

Hoolihan · 05/02/2023 19:04

We both go out weekly/fortnightly with our friends, and probably have a 'big night out' every couple of months.

Zanatdy · 05/02/2023 19:04

I’d say going out weekly with friends is fine. I’m in a new relationship but have been single 10yrs so have a lot of friends I go out for meals / theatre trips with. I don’t intend to stop doing that. If my bf wants to go out with his friends I have zero issue with that. I think it’s hugely important to have good friends in your life, and if you want good friends you have to invest time in keeping those friendships going.

mumto2teenagers · 05/02/2023 19:06

DH goes out about twice a month with friends, I'm the same. Although neither of us have been out since Xmas because we have had a weekend away and celebrated DD1's graduation and DD2's 21st Birthday so haven't had the money to go out with friends.

lilybloom2 · 05/02/2023 19:07

Usually at least once a week with pals at the pub quiz and sometimes a Sunday afternoon.
As long as he prioritises a couple of nights with me I've no issues

Original poster
crikeybiller · 05/02/2023 19:07

Yes I would really like to have friendships 😔
He has a great little friendship group from school, most of them married, they meet up every couple of months for this night out.
I would love that and of course I know that I need to build my own life but how do you make mates in your late 40s ?...

I think I'm worried I'm starting to rely on him too much. We don't live together but see each other 4 out of 7 nights a week and most weekends. It's a lovely balance after my horrible marriage but I need to get some friends to build my own support network I guess. Then I wouldn't be obsessing over his apparently normal social life.

OP posts:
Original poster
crikeybiller · 05/02/2023 19:19

He's just text me to say he's going out at the end of Feb for a beer with his friend. He went out at the end of Jan for one too.
My heart literally sank and I feel really cross.
I shouldn't, and I won't say anything but I hate feeling like this.
Maybe the two of us also need to make more plans as we've fallen into the staying at home watching tv, while I cook pattern 🤔

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 05/02/2023 19:28

Before DC it was weekly, now it’s once a month or so.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 05/02/2023 20:36

We go out with our friends once every few months generally. Sometimes more sometimes less, depends what’s going on.

Original poster
crikeybiller · 05/02/2023 21:04

I think it's that we don't go out much as a couple that's bothering me. He'll go out with his mates for drinks but not me....
Hmmmmm

OP posts:
LaMariposa · 05/02/2023 21:11

My DH is out one (weekday) evening a week with band friends, one night a month out to a event or gig, and maybe once or twice a year a trip further afield to catch up with friends for a long weekend.

mondaytosunday · 05/02/2023 21:18

Went out with old school buddies twice a year. Bridge night rotated between the four of them every month (so once every four months he would host, and I joined them for dinner (cooking it too) then leave them to it. He also went out in the evening for work about once every other week.

MaverickGooseGoose · 05/02/2023 21:20

Football once a week, goes to football every other week. Normal I think. I go out a couple of times a week too.

JorisBonson · 05/02/2023 21:21

Weekly, shifts depending.

Your partner does not go out often at all.

runlift · 05/02/2023 21:25

I think you need to be careful not to be a martyr. You can make friends aged 40 plus. You can have fun in by yourself or you could go and do something or see family. You can also suggest or book a night out for the two of you. You can order takeout or ask him to make dinner etc. you could suggest that the wives/girlfriends be invited one time. Or you could even invite all the girlfriends/wives out on a separate simultaneous night out to get to know them. You should take agency of your own time and happiness. Could you take up a hobby, join a club, volunteer etc. to meet people?

Abouttimemum · 05/02/2023 21:29

He goes out drinking with friends once every couple of months, goes to the pub with my dad / his friends on a Sunday afternoon if we are in our home town for lunch, again once every couple of months. He’s not really bothered. I go out more than him and we also go to things with couple friends together.

DelurkingAJ · 05/02/2023 21:33

I’d be delighted if DH did that (or more) as it’s be really good for him. Unfortunately we’ve both fallen out of the habit because of having small DC and then COVID. We are both supporting each other to get back to doing so (DH has completely rearranged work, calling in a number of favours, so that I can go to an old friend’s party a couple of hours away in a few weeks time as our overnight babysitter is unavailable).