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Relationships

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Original poster

If a friend said "I really didn't want you to leave tonight" what would you think?

33 replies

Ncer23 · 04/02/2023 15:25

Hi,

In a nutshell, I'm bisexual and married to a woman. My friend is, as far as I know, heterosexual and engaged to a man. She has in the past said she'd be open to the idea of a relationship with a woman, but tbh I just thought maybe she was saying it in a 'I get you', relating kind of way.. if that makes sense.

Anyway, I came back from hers the other night after a couple of drinks (not drunk at all!) and I got a message to say thanks for a great evening etc, but then she said she really didn't want me to go. It's really thrown me, as it's really not like her to say something like that. It got me thinking that she can actually occasionally be a little intense...borderline flirty, but it's never got to the point of me worrying about it. I thought maybe it's just her, rather than anything to do with me iyswim.

I guess someone could say that in a 'I had a great time and wished it could have been longer' sort of way, but I don't know. It just felt different to that.

I'm happily married and certainly don't feel that way, but the more I think about it, the more I'm wondering if there have actually been other signs that she likes me in a different way.

Any advice? I don't want to start feeling awkward around her. I enjoy our time together, but don't want to give her any wrong signals.

Thanks.

OP posts:

Opentooffers · 04/02/2023 15:30

I wouldn't pay it much attention. She might have whistful musings at times, but if you are as happy as you say, then how she feels at times should be irrelevant.

Original poster

Ncer23 · 04/02/2023 15:34

I know what you mean @Opentooffers. It doesn't matter in that sense, but it does make me feel uncomfortable if that is the case.

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Original poster

Ncer23 · 04/02/2023 16:40

I honestly just feel a bit weird about seeing her now.

OP posts:

IncompleteSenten · 04/02/2023 16:44

If a friend said that to me I'd assume they'd had a really great evening, lots of fun and were sorry it had flown by so fast and would have liked me to stay for longer.

How long were you there and what time did you leave?

blacktiger · 04/02/2023 16:48

My first thought from the subject was that something was maybe wrong and they didn't want to be alone or wanted to open up about something?

Original poster

Ncer23 · 04/02/2023 16:58

@IncompleteSenten a few hours. It just seemed a bit more than that. I guess it's hard to explain. I think that comment along with other things, just made it feel different. I've only said things like that to partners.

If we'd had a really fun night, laughing, drinking loads, dancing etc then yeah, I guess saying that could make sense, but it was a very chilled out evening, so seemed like an odd thing to say.

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ArcticSkewer · 04/02/2023 16:59

You know some straight women like to flirt a bit with bi women/lesbians just for a bit of frisson in their lives. Tiresome.

Original poster

Ncer23 · 04/02/2023 17:00

@blacktiger yes that would make more sense, but she really does tell me everything. She would say why she didn't want to be on her own, I'm sure.

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123rd · 04/02/2023 17:04

I'd be a bit peed off to be honest. If she was hinting at wanting something more than friend ship then that has put a slant on your relationship.
It's not fair for her to imply-if that is what she is doing. I'd be peed off at a platonic male friend doing this too.

WeCome1 · 04/02/2023 17:08

My first reaction would be to wonder if they were ok, and I’d just ask that.

YouAreNotBatman · 04/02/2023 17:20

I read the title and thought that this was going to be about being worried for suicidal friend, did not expect it to be wlw drama! 😂

Original poster

Ncer23 · 04/02/2023 17:22

@123rd I have mixed feelings. If she does feel something else and had a moment of madness, then I wouldn't be that pissed off, but if she's just dropping these subtle hints to eventually build to something, then yeah, I'd definitely be annoyed and upset actually, because I know our friendship probably wouldn't recover.

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Original poster

Ncer23 · 04/02/2023 17:23

@YouAreNotBatman what is wlw drama??..

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Original poster

Ncer23 · 04/02/2023 17:25

@ArcticSkewer yes, I do know what you mean and I've had that before. We're proper friends though, so I'd be gutted if she was one of those.

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Original poster

Ncer23 · 04/02/2023 17:26

@YouAreNotBatman actually is it woman loves woman drama? 😐

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SirChenjins · 04/02/2023 17:27

It could be that she’s feeling lonely or unhappy and was just enjoying the company. I’d just message back and say something like ‘why didn’t you want me to go, is everything ok?’ and see what she comes back with.

wildseas · 04/02/2023 17:30

I think that’s a pretty unusual thing for a straight woman to text a friend who she knows is bi - it definitely has relationship connotations- especially after a cozy at home evening.

I suspect that she might be coming to the realisation that she’s not straight. It’s possible that she fancies you but also possibly that she’s hoping that you’ll ask her about her sexuality if she drops a few hints so that she doesn’t have to bring it up.

is that a possibility?

Shelaydownunderthetable · 04/02/2023 17:32

I’d assume something was wrong and ask her if she was OK.

Ilovelurchers · 04/02/2023 17:35

I too am bisexual, but I would in some circumstances text that to a female (or male, come to that) friend without meaning it in a sexual/romantic way, and equally if a female friend (again, or a male friend) said it to me, I wouldn't necessarily leap to assuming they liked me in THAT way.....

Having said that, there is context to everything - I am guessing there are other things leading you to suspect your friend might fancy you/be flirting?

On the whole, I wouldn't worry too much, as long as she only keeps it at this very mild level It's possible to develop a little passing crush on friends - many of us have been there - f she has, it's not the end of the world. Unless and until she makes a big deal of it and it starts becoming proper awkward, I would let it go.....

shreddednips · 04/02/2023 17:36

How close are you and what is she normally like? It's really hard to say without knowing her and the friendship dynamic. I would definitely say something along those lines to my closest female friend and her to me- I'm always sad to say goodbye as we live quite a way apart and I just love her so much. I'm also bisexual but it's a completely platonic, sisterly friendship. I can think of a couple of other close friends who might say something similar and I wouldn't think anything of it.

On the other hand, I can't imagine saying something like that to some of my other friends- good friends, but not the very closest, known them forever-type friends.

HiddenGiraffes · 04/02/2023 17:38

I think your intuition is probably right, you're picking up on the subtleties of your interactions. I'd be pretty pissed off if a friend hit on me after we hung out one on one, knowing I'm happily married.

InFiveMins · 04/02/2023 17:44

Are you absolutely sure she meant it in a wistful, flirty way? You know her best, but could it not be that she didn't want you to go simply because she was having such a good time with you and there's nothing more to it than that?

CherrySocks · 04/02/2023 18:28

She's attracted to you

Blessedwithsunshine · 04/02/2023 18:31

You are reading way to much into an innocent remark op! Do you find her attractive? I think done self reflection and honesty is required here.

I have said the same thing to so many of my friends after a brilliant night! It is a compliment, she had such a fun time she wished it was longer. Simple as that. Noting more to it. I have many a time wished a night wouldn’t end, I am as straight as they come. Love my friends and spending time together and often say so.

Original poster

Ncer23 · 04/02/2023 18:48

@Blessedwithsunshine I have said similar too, but not like this. This wasn't a brilliant night. It was nice, sure. We had a long chat, a couple of glasses of wine, but it was just a normal night. It wasn't said in a 'didn't want the night to end' sort of way. Of course I could be wrong, but I really don't think so and as I say there are other little things when I think about it.

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