If a friend said "I really didn't want you to leave tonight" what would you think?

[Ncer23]

Hi,

In a nutshell, I'm bisexual and married to a woman. My friend is, as far as I know, heterosexual and engaged to a man. She has in the past said she'd be open to the idea of a relationship with a woman, but tbh I just thought maybe she was saying it in a 'I get you', relating kind of way.. if that makes sense.

Anyway, I came back from hers the other night after a couple of drinks (not drunk at all!) and I got a message to say thanks for a great evening etc, but then she said she really didn't want me to go. It's really thrown me, as it's really not like her to say something like that. It got me thinking that she can actually occasionally be a little intense...borderline flirty, but it's never got to the point of me worrying about it. I thought maybe it's just her, rather than anything to do with me iyswim.

I guess someone could say that in a 'I had a great time and wished it could have been longer' sort of way, but I don't know. It just felt different to that.

I'm happily married and certainly don't feel that way, but the more I think about it, the more I'm wondering if there have actually been other signs that she likes me in a different way.

Any advice? I don't want to start feeling awkward around her. I enjoy our time together, but don't want to give her any wrong signals.

Thanks.

I think you being bi actually does change things. I have female friends I absolutely would say this to, but they are straight and know for a fact that I am not coming onto them. One friend in particular I would text something like "I wish you could have stayed all night I LOVE YOU SO MUCH" and she knows I mean it, but not in a romantic way. I would never ever ever text that to a male straight friend, even one who I would otherwise count on to know that I wasn't hinting. I am pretty sure that I wouldn't send it to a gay or bi woman, but I guess it also depends on how she generally texts and if this is the norm for her. These types of messages work because you're relying on the other person wondering, and presumably if you know they don't go in for your sex then you know that they won't wonder if that's what you mean.

So anyway: weird message unless usual for her, which presumably not or you wouldn't be posting here. Ask if everything is ok.

When I read the headline I thought suicidal or needing a deep talk but reading the article I was way off

I wonder how her relationship with her fiance is going? Perhaps things are less than rosy and it's a reaction to that.
Basically if her relationship was going well, she wouldn't be looking elsewhere whether male or female. You might not be the ideal person to probe deeper on that though. If she's flirting, then any sympathy shown by you if she opens up to problems, could be misconstrued by her.
Could a mutual friend or relation find out instead? Perhaps cold feet if her wedding is approaching?

I’m inclined to believe that there is other context that means it feels like she was hinting at romance because she was. None of us know you or her to reasonably say whether you’re reading too much into it etc.

The question is what to do really 😬

Do you think it’s possible to just sit down over a cuppa on an afternoon and just say it to her? “I don’t want to make things awkward but when you texted ‘…’ it felt like you were perhaps hinting about feelings, or am I wrong?”

You either have a direct chat and clear it up either way or it’s going to make you start being evasive with her anyway 💐

I’d be inclined to gloss over it, but making it very clear that you see her as a friend only. Something like ‘I know what you mean, it was a lovely chilled evening and went too fast, but I needed my bed and I know it sounds soppy but I can’t sleep without partner’. It makes it clear you aren’t thinking about anyone but your partner in a romantic sense. If you ask her for clarification, she might give it to you and there’s no coming back from that. Whereas that gives her the opportunity to backtrack and save your friendship, if that’s what you want.

Sorry OP, your wife, not your partner. I didn’t read it properly.

If you want to stay friends, better not to probe about her feelings only for you to have to tell her you are not interested. That would make it more awkward to be friends. Just make it obvious where you are at, ie happy with your wife and only think of her romantically.

@Opentooffers I don't think I will. Hoping it was just a moment of madness, where maybe she was feeling bold, but hopefully that will just fizzle out and things won't get more awkward.