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Original poster

To expect contact while he's away and feeling like I'm bottom of his list

31 replies

Sundaycoffee · 04/02/2023 14:28

AIBU to expect contact from my bf while he is on a business trip? Don't live together and no kids but I'm starting to feel like I'm at the very bottom of his list of priorities. The busy excuse is coming up a lot.
He has been away for work Monday to Friday this week. I got a 2 word message on Monday night. I replied Tuesday: left on read. Sent him a little silly message on Wednesday: left on read. Nothing until I messaged again Friday asking what time his flight landed.
He returned last night and I asked how his trip went..... "busy". I said you must be tired and hope it went well and we can catch up face to face on Sunday (the day we said we would next see each other). He replied saying he thinks he just wants to chill on his own as he's had a busy week. I responded saying that was fine and I'll just give him a call tomorrow (today). Sent him a message this morning saying let me know when is a good time to catch up today and he's replied saying "can we do tomorrow as I've got chores to do and the sport is on"
I don't doubt he is busy but AIBU to expect a bit more than this? It's been a week and he hasn't asked how I am or actually any question at all.

OP posts:
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 04/02/2023 14:33

I wouldn't waste time analysing it. Looks like he's not relationship material. How did you meet? How long have you been together? How often do you see each other usually?

gogohmm · 04/02/2023 14:36

He's not worth chasing. With modern technology he can send a text or emoji so easily in any time zone. And the sport is obviously a higher priority for him. Ditch

DelphiniumBlue · 04/02/2023 14:37

Sorry, he's just not that keen. I wouldn't bother replying to his last message, and if his next message isn't confirming a date and time ( not "come round to mine cos I can't be arsed to go out") then you can consider it over, and move on.

WaddleAway · 04/02/2023 14:38

He’s not bothered about a relationship with you. I’d move on.

BeachBlondey · 04/02/2023 14:38

That's ridiculous. You aren't partners. He is massively withdrawing and you are chasing him. If my DH was away, he would contact me every day (as is the norm). Even when you're away on business you have personal down time, plenty of time to make a call or send a message.

He's dumping you without having to say it. If I were you, I wouldn't send him anything else. Make it an experiment to see how long he takes to contact you.

"can we do tomorrow as I've got chores to do and the sport is on"

I've never met any bloke who would choose hoovering over shagging his GF.

Please, please don't chase him any more.

2Old2BABPpresenter · 04/02/2023 14:40

Sounds like he can’t be bothered and that he’s over the relationship. If he’s like this now do not push it any further and look for someone who actually puts effort into your relationship. You deserve more. Even when my DP is on shift he finds the time to message me even if it’s just goodnight when I message him.

helloimnew123 · 04/02/2023 14:40

He's not that into you... if he wanted to see or speak to you, he would.
Sorry it's harsh, but it sounds very one sided

Lonelybanna · 04/02/2023 14:42

It sounds like you are at the bottom of his list. You are wasting your time with this guy, move on to someone who will prioritise you. You deserve better than a few breadcrumbs.

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/02/2023 14:46

I am a naturally terrible communicator when I’m away for work, but I know I have to for my relationship, so I do. In the early stages it shouldn’t be hard anyway, so I would either have a come to Jesus conv, or just move on.

Warspite · 04/02/2023 14:50

He’s not that into you!
Move on.
Don’t be clingy, leave him alone.

twoandcooplease · 04/02/2023 15:10

He returned LAST night and still communication is not back to normal? Yanbu and he's being very blunt compared to you borderline rude

twoandcooplease · 04/02/2023 15:12

Just stop chasing now op before you get hurt x
Sorry

MistyFrequencies · 04/02/2023 15:18

Hes not into you. Leave him.

Oopsiedaisyy · 04/02/2023 15:20

Ouch, it's over sorry

Provenza · 04/02/2023 15:59

No man truly interested in a woman is too busy/tired (especially on a day off work) to at least communicate regularly.
Stop chasing him. Let him go - forever- and have a nice weekend doing something nice for yourself instead.

PousseyNotMoira · 04/02/2023 16:26

Honestly, I travel for work and it can be full on. At the end of the work day, I generally just want to wind down in silence and I’d also want the weekend to myself to veg out afterwards. When my husband and I were still dating (before we lived together) it was super important that he understood that.

Some people get ‘peopled out’ and need time to recharge before any further social interaction. This doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not into you. However, if you’re not getting what you need from the relationship, then that’s not okay. You may be ill suited.

Pseudonamed · 04/02/2023 16:47

My OH has always worked away and has never not been in contact even before we lived together. He always texts about his day and certainly a goodnight message. No way this man is that into you. How long are you together?

XmasElf10 · 04/02/2023 17:02

He’s not that into you! I travel for work and am incredibly busy when I travel. Time zones also complicate matters. I have all day calls and evening events. I speak to my DD every day without fail even if it’s just 5 minutes and if I have a boyfriend I text once or twice a day minimum. There is no way I would claim I couldn’t keep at least minimum contact.

frozendaisy · 04/02/2023 17:20

I think this self-absorption is catching.

Honestly I have been a performing seal for weeks and only realised the last couple no one had asked "how was your day?" Until this Thursday. So I have stopped asking for a bit.

Being selectively mute and just observing without expectation for some time can be quite enlightening to be honest.

frozendaisy · 04/02/2023 17:20

Yeah you can send a quick text having a poo. He must have been to the toilet whilst away.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 04/02/2023 17:22

Bin him off op. Don't you feel daft even keep texting him?

LightSpeeds · 04/02/2023 17:37

Stop bothering with him because he's not bothered with you. I'm sorry. It sounds like a horrible situation but he's got very little to give and you're clearly very far in the distance on his list of priorities.

maddy68 · 04/02/2023 17:47

Honestly. I love my husband dearly. But when I go away with work it's a werid thing ..everything goes into a compartment in my brain. I barely contact him. My brain can only cope with either work or home while I'm away it's a coping tactic probably

ProfessionalWeirdo · 04/02/2023 18:02

Sorry, OP, but it does sound as though you're at the bottom of his list. I certainly wouldn't want to stay with a bloke who gave "the sport" priority over me.

excelledyourself · 04/02/2023 18:06

I'd say this sounds done, OP.

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