Can anyone understand what it is she wants or what she is up to?

[SteveOO]

I have been separated from my ex for almost a year now after being together for 13 years. She was contacting me not often over the time we have been apart and recently she admitted she was in a new relationship which hit me hard to be honest.

I told her i did not wish for her to contact me any more and gave her my reasons.

Within a week she had contacted me on Facebook which I never replied to below is the last message she sent on Facebook

"I am going to "block" you on here, so I will no longer have this temptation to check your profile, to know how you are etc..I loved you so much, and you know the story, why I became this horrible woman, I never handled what happened at the beginning of our story, so I was struggling with this crap. There is no excuse anymore, even if I could understand you had changed. But Hey ho, now this is the way it is, and I really do wish the Best, and for you to meet someone nice, and do not forget, you are a really beautiful soul xxxxx"

She did block me but unblocked me within an hour. The next evening she messaged me again on Facebook with some stupid link to a video, I had to ask her why send me this. This then developed into a conversation which then lead to:

"Eve
can I ask you a question ??.... as a man ...

Steve
sure but why do i get the feeling i am not going to like it?

Eve
lol, you are supposed to know me very well, after 13 years, don't you ??

Steve
you would think so

Eve
ok, so, the question would be : what is wrong with Eve ?? even if she is a good girl, what would you change with her, for her to be a perfect woman ?? So if that question is a problem for you, feel free not to answer of course...I just wonder what is a problem with me ?..

Steve
I am going to answer

Eve
well...nobody's perfect, we all know this...but, as a man, what would you answer ?

Steve
Give me a minute or 2

There is no such thing as a perfect woman, No one i hope including me is looking for that woman. All I would say is believe in the man when he says he loves you, sure to god I just wanted you to believe that with me because I was happy with what I had, just be you and happy

I can not believe i am giving you relationship advice?

There was nothing wrong with Eve, just you did not believe enough

in me that is

Eve
who knows ?.. and in the end, I was not really waiting for an advice, I was only asking for that man that knows me so well, what went wrong, and what can I do better, but I understand your last answer...sure, I did not not believe in you, but the problem is not only YOU, it is me, that does not believe in myself..there is a massive job for me to be done, trusting myself, and I can be loved for who I am..I am working on it, this is a very big stuff for me, I did not believe in your love, only because I was/am not believe I can be loved for who I am.

Steve
Your totally wrong i never but loved you for who you are, that is exactly why i was with you for who you are faults and all.

your not the only person working on stuff

Eve
Thank you so much for telling me this, but there is a massive job for me to be done, and I am so sorry that I never got this..my bad, and trust me, I am now working on it, on myself for me to go further

I have understood Steve, that your going through a big job on yourself and I am glad for you to do this job, it was really time for you

Steve
Sometimes all we need is to be hugged, unfortunately my arms are not long enough to reach you.

Eve
😔 don't say this... I am so sorry...

Steve
for what?

Eve

fuck ! for telling me it is far too late, and when we were under the same roof, we could not share it, not communicating this way..but it was difficult, you were not ready for sure, maybe now you would be

Steve
yes i would

Eve
ok...I would love it to be honest...so, maybe we need more time......I do not want to expect something ..unexpectable (is it english ??), but I for a fact, I hope it could be possible....So Bunny, we have to try to act like adults...no one should be hurt in this story.


Without going into what was said after in that conversation the next day she had backtracked and did not want to try something giving excuse after excuse. Of course i never tackled the monkey in the room the new boyfriend, to i was confused was an understatement. Anyway I told her what I said before please do not contact me again EVER. I realized my mistake by answering her on Facebook and then blocked her on Facebook.

2 weeks later I received an email from her, which i have not replied to or do I intend to do so. But I really am at a loss to understand what this email is supposed to tell me and what was it's purpose, to me it seems pointless and i can only think she is trying to punish me or playing some sort of stupid game?. But to what end and will she ever stop contacting me?

^"^
Razorlight - I Can't Stop This Feeling I've Got
Best of Razorlight: goo.gl/zoKwvd Subscribe here: goo.gl/7fXUoW Music video by Razorlight performing I Can't Stop This Feeling I've Got. (C) 2006 Mercury Records Limited
www.youtube.com
I always try to remember the best, in any way, and this song, for example, that I used to like at the beginning of our relationship was one of the best.
Then came this time, when I realized you were cheating on me, and you were sharing those songs with someone else, in your room, so for years I couldn't bear to hear those songs. .which sounds stupid to me now..but hey ho :-)
Now I only remember when I was happy, and that's who I really am today, this positive person I was back then.
I hope and I want you to be happy. Frankly. Be positive and carry on"

[Grandmasword]

what is your gut feeling telling you?
I would say she is wanting to explore the possibility of being an item again?
Her messages indicate she is wanting to know what is the matter with her as she possibly felt less than? if your relationship was turbulent, or borderline abusive then these questions are typical once for those who felt less than, not good enough, a hassle or a burden. Does that sound right to you?

Although she may be in a new relationship she is after some insight, but she is not a project that you need to complete in the next 3 weeks, its not your work and not your issue anymore. Unless you want to see if you two can mend things between you, if the relationship was generally good prior to you parting ways, but if it was abusive, then she is on a path for answers which I dont think she should be seeking from you.

She tells you she loves you, and you clearly feel the same, that is what 13 years do. But it sounds like she is wanting some sort of connection with you by asking you questions, and forwarding information over to you about things, the past, and they why's it was not working.

[mrscumberbatch11]

She sounds very young. She's behaving like a 16 year old.

She's attention seeking and I very much get the impression she wants you to cause her.

Have you seen the new bf? He may not even be real.

[SteveOO]

@Grandmasword, most of what you are saying seems to make much sense, although I am still far from understanding what is going on I am really confused. I have not in the time we have been apart dated anyone only because I feel not ready to do that as I need to understand myself and learn from what happened. But as she has now confused me I feel i am now going backwards instead of forwards!!

[SteveOO]

@mrscumberbatch11 You would thing so, she is 56! No i have not seen her BF, she lives in France and i now live back in the UK good thing really. But still she finds a way of getting under my skin.

[mrscumberbatch11]

She sounds hard work.

The way she keeps using "but hey ho :)" as a way of putting blame on you but making out she's fine with it.

I don't know what she wants. But I know I absolutely would not have the energy to play her game.

Just block her and move on.

[SteveOO]

@mrscumberbatch11

She sounds hard work.

The way she keeps using "but hey ho :)" as a way of putting blame on you but making out she's fine with it.

I don't know what she wants. But I know I absolutely would not have the energy to play her game.

Just block her and move on.

Yep she was and is hard work, yes the Hey ho is a common theme i have noticed with her, always trying to get the last word in. Yes I have blocked her, but it will not surprise me if she finds other ways to contact me, but I am trying to move forward just need her to disappear.

[BeachBlondey]

Is it night time when she sends these messages? I think she's drunk, hence the withdrawal the next day when she's sober.

[SteveOO]

@BeachBlondey

Is it night time when she sends these messages? I think she's drunk, hence the withdrawal the next day when she's sober.

Well sometimes it is in the evening yes. but the last email she sent would have been about 20:00 a bit early maybe to be drunk?

[CousinKrispy]

She sounds unstable or, yes, drunk. She's being very cruel to break off the relationship but then keep you dangling.

There's a book you can get on Amazon called "Stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist" which you might find really good food for thought.

[stripedsox]

Would have never guessed her age, would have put her down being early 20's tbh.
I wouldn't engage anymore with her, she's an ex and best left in the past unless you want to get back together with her. Don't give her hope by engaging in the question answering, just move on with your life, it's not your business whether she has a real boyfriend or not. If she does, why is she playing mind games with you?

[SteveOO]

@CousinKrispy

She sounds unstable or, yes, drunk. She's being very cruel to break off the relationship but then keep you dangling.

There's a book you can get on Amazon called "Stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist" which you might find really good food for thought.

It was me that broke off the relationship, because she became intolerable with her behavior always looking for ways to argue, never happy and blaming me for everything!

[BigMandsTattooPortfolio]

Too much like hard work, OP. Sounds like one of those dementor types who suck the life out of everything.

[SteveOO]

@stripedsox

Would have never guessed her age, would have put her down being early 20's tbh.
I wouldn't engage anymore with her, she's an ex and best left in the past unless you want to get back together with her. Don't give her hope by engaging in the question answering, just move on with your life, it's not your business whether she has a real boyfriend or not. If she does, why is she playing mind games with you?

Exactly why would she be playing minds games, beats me?

[SteveOO]

@BigMandsTattooPortfolio

Too much like hard work, OP. Sounds like one of those dementor types who suck the life out of everything.

You are not wrong, she did suck the life out of me in the last years of our relationship sad to say.

[Dacadactyl]

You should block her in everything. She sounds bonkers. I read about a paragraph of your post and that was enough to tell she was batshit. She's immature and odd. Cut her off.

[ChristmasFluff]

You ended it with her because of her behaviour. This is all just more of the same. She wants to hook you back into the crazy.

Block her everywhere, unless you want your old relationship back again, with all the same behaviour. Blocking is the best for BOTH of you

[Disydoll12]

She is trying to keep you available to her incase things dont work out in her favour, I'd say. She sounds like a manipulative woman.

[CrapBucket]

Jeez I couldn't read all those messages, what a load of drivel. Just block and move in. Life is far too short for torturous nonsense.

[3peassuit]

Life’s too short to second guess her. Block her and enjoy the peace.

[Ragwort]

Why are you even engaging with her? Assuming you are the same sort of age surely you can recognise poor behaviour? So many people seem to put up with being treated badly and trying to 'analyse' everything.... you sound like one of my DH's friends, newly single having abandoned his wife and grown up DC and DGC .. now (because he is good looking and wealthy) he seems to be having sex with any woman who is foolish enough to be attracted by him and loving the 'intensity' of new relationships and analysing every aspect of 'does she really like me' etc etc. It is so utterly boring and cringeworthy.

[Seaoftroubles]

You won't really know her motives, but my guess is attention seeking and manipulation. She will be enjoying feeling she's caused you confusion. Block and move on.

[ChesterCheetah]

God she reads like a self-obsessed bore.

[BlueSlate]

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that thereafter stuff in her background that causes her to feel the way she does. If so, that is very sad but she has no right to treat you this way. Its unfair. If not, and it is just something that happened at the start of your relationship, well, it's still unfair.

I have to be careful because I have trauma in my past and I spent a good deal of time single and having therapy so that I didn't end up doing precisely what she is doing. I still struggle at times. And I deal with it by managing my thoughts myself and regulating my emotions. I sometimes need to be away from my boyfriend in order to do this. Him being there, trying to help and telling me he loves me makes it worse. I don't want him to feel responsible for 'fixing' me. I need to do that for myself.

Unfortunately, she hasn't got that same level of insight and rather than leaving well alone, she is processing and managing her emotions by engaging with you. Which is upsetting for you. And that is why she is playing mind games. It's not intentional to hurt you she just doesn't have any other way and doing this meets a need in her.

I agree with blocking her. Nothing you say is ever going to he enough to undo the damage that has been done to her and you have already run yourself ragged trying. It will never be enough because the need she has cannot be met by you or anyone else. Only her.

[Grimchmas]

If you blocked her everywhere she wouldn't be able to do this to you.

[Sparkleshine21]

Honestly you can do better. Block and forget it