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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husbands a pure rotten cunt

39 replies

Bubblemonkey · 04/02/2023 11:00

More interested in his bastarding hobbies than his family. I’m || this close to smashing his fucking guitars up & cutting up his running clothes. I have had more than enough of his horseshit. All he keeps saying is he needs hobbies because life shouldn’t revolve around our baby 🤨

is 2 months in too early to get a divorce?

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 04/02/2023 11:01

No, wish I’d done it years ago. Independence is the way forward.

TangledWebOfDeception · 04/02/2023 11:02

No it isn't. It's dead and it won't change.

nc1013 · 04/02/2023 11:03

If you never felt this way before the baby they say not to make any rash decisions in the 1st year.

However if he's always been a selfish prick there's no point in hanging around

Scottishgirl85 · 04/02/2023 11:03

Do he give you time to pursue hobbies too?

TangledWebOfDeception · 04/02/2023 11:03

nc1013 · 04/02/2023 11:03

If you never felt this way before the baby they say not to make any rash decisions in the 1st year.

However if he's always been a selfish prick there's no point in hanging around

Good point.

RNBrie · 04/02/2023 11:04

It's so frustrating that men only show how fucking selfish and useless they can be after you have kids. I wish there was a "useless twat" test that could be administered before a baby comes along.

Start divorce proceedings and then you will find out if he's willing to change or not.

userxx · 04/02/2023 11:04

I'm loving the title.

Acheyknees · 04/02/2023 11:05

Tell him you're off for a spa day with friends as 'life shouldn't revolve around a baby' and you may stay there overnight.

Bubblemonkey · 04/02/2023 11:05

Scottishgirl85 · 04/02/2023 11:03

Do he give you time to pursue hobbies too?

I barely have time to scratch my own arse with the baby 😒

OP posts:
GCAcademic · 04/02/2023 11:06

So, is he giving you equal time to pursue the hobbies that you must also need?

Let me guess, he sees looking after the baby as your hobby?

Deathbyfluffy · 04/02/2023 11:07

KangarooKenny · 04/02/2023 11:01

No, wish I’d done it years ago. Independence is the way forward.

It is for some people, but others do prefer to have a meaningful relationship instead of being on their own.
Personally I couldn’t imagine anything worse - but then I have a happy marriage.

Thesaucysalad · 04/02/2023 11:07

Divorce divorce divorce

Mirroredlove · 04/02/2023 11:07

To be honest I’m going to side with the husband. Instead of leaving him the op would be better to take a leaf out of his book and ensure she continues to have a life and hobbies outside of being a mum, because trust me, if you don’t, it’s a nasty slope that’s detrimental to you, and you alone.

barbrahunter · 04/02/2023 11:07

Think with your head, not your emotions. I agree that it is doubtful that he will change. Will he leave without a fight? Can you afford to live alone with the baby?

bringincrazyback · 04/02/2023 11:08

Mirroredlove · 04/02/2023 11:07

To be honest I’m going to side with the husband. Instead of leaving him the op would be better to take a leaf out of his book and ensure she continues to have a life and hobbies outside of being a mum, because trust me, if you don’t, it’s a nasty slope that’s detrimental to you, and you alone.

I agree with this.

Livinghappy · 04/02/2023 11:08

All he keeps saying is he needs hobbies because HIS life shouldn’t revolve around our baby

I guess he means HIS life. A new baby is a bombshell in your lives. If you are on mat leave then the responsibility will tend to fall to you BUT he must also enable you to rest and have free time. If he goes running (which can be a stress reliever for some people) you need equal time.

Is he picking up house chores?

Sandra1984 · 04/02/2023 11:08

Handle him the baby, tell him you’re attending a yoga class and will be out for lunch with friends after be abuse you want to have hobbies and not spin your life around the baby. Come back in a few hours. Rinse and repeat.

GCAcademic · 04/02/2023 11:09

Bubblemonkey · 04/02/2023 11:05

I barely have time to scratch my own arse with the baby 😒

But, by his own logic, you also “need” hobbies and life can’t revolve around a baby. Tell him you need your hobbies and life can’t revolve around looking after your baby. He’ll have to look after the baby to facilitate you, in the same way you facilitate his “need”.

Sandra1984 · 04/02/2023 11:09

Bloody typos.

Todaynotalways · 04/02/2023 11:10

Bubblemonkey · 04/02/2023 11:05

I barely have time to scratch my own arse with the baby 😒

Don't even try to scratch your own arse with a baby, they're too squishy.

But yes, if he's a lazy cunt, doing it on your own won't be much different - and will probably be less annoying.

WandaWonder · 04/02/2023 11:10

My husband and I took it turns so we could each go out and so some thing we enjoyed, he is more hobby than me though

I don't understand the whole set up you have but if, and if it a big IF you have spend the last 2 months with not speaking of anything other than your baby I see his point

But if not then I don't get his point, others will say this is wrong but I do think people can have a baby as still do normal things and talk about normal things also

gamerchick · 04/02/2023 11:10

Before you go full on rage and go down a path you might regret. Tell him it's fine to do his hobbies but you want equal time to do stuff for yourself as well and what does he suggest.

If he's still going to be selfish, tell him you're thinking of ending it because he's a selfish fucker.

DRS1970 · 04/02/2023 11:10

Have you told him how the situation makes you feel? Perhaps he is oblivious to the distress his behaviour is causing.

Iwonder08 · 04/02/2023 11:13

What happens when you tell him it is your turn to go out and he is in charge of the baby? Have you tried?

Tyrannicalthreeyearold · 04/02/2023 11:14

gamerchick · 04/02/2023 11:10

Before you go full on rage and go down a path you might regret. Tell him it's fine to do his hobbies but you want equal time to do stuff for yourself as well and what does he suggest.

If he's still going to be selfish, tell him you're thinking of ending it because he's a selfish fucker.

Absolutely this.
My mum used to call women married to men with hobbies (for example if liked golfing) golfing widow. I hope he realises it's not all about him.