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Original poster

What does DH do on a Friday?

28 replies

AlexisLex · 03/02/2023 23:51

Both early forties.Married for 7 years, together for 10.

The only day my DH has to attend his workplace is a Friday. Over the last 6 months, I've noticed a pattern to his behaviour. In short, he's always VERY "attentive" from Friday night through Sunday but then just tails off. He'll only be like this if he's gone into work on the Friday.

Without that, it'll just stay steady- maybe once a week.

I definitely like the attention but, now I've noticed, I just have this niggling feeling that I'm reaping the benefit of an appetite he's building up elsewhere.

There's nothing else particularly unusual about what he does. I wouldn't even say he makes much of an effort to dress any smarter just because he's visiting an office. He trims his beard and hair once a week on Sunday, so he's actually almost at his scruffiest on Fridays.

He's always been the same after he's been away too. Either with work or friends. Then though, he'll blame it on the effect alcohol has on him. He's obviously not getting drunk on Fridays though.

He's a pretty good husband at face value. Great with the kids, shares housework and houseadmin, puts us first etc etc.

Am I overthinking it? (I'm thinking the fact he's not over-concerned with how he's looking might mean he's paying for something rather than having an affair.)

OP posts:
KMW79 · 04/02/2023 00:06

Overthinking! But I know I would too because I’m an overthinker. That said, it would never occur to me my DP was paying for sex so is there other signs??

Original poster
AlexisLex · 04/02/2023 00:16

KMW79 · 04/02/2023 00:06

Overthinking! But I know I would too because I’m an overthinker. That said, it would never occur to me my DP was paying for sex so is there other signs??

It's only that I think he'd be making more of an effort if he was actually seeing someone.

I'm not saying he goes out looking rough - he's just not doing the whole cliche of suddenly caring loads about his appearance.

I don't know what he spends or if he takes cash out but I'm thinking that knowing that would help. I've got no real reason to distrust him though.

Also possible it's something that hasn't started? Like flirting at work and getting riled up. I don't even know how I'd feel about that, but I'd definitely rather it to the above.

OP posts:
BrightSaturn · 04/02/2023 00:19

I think you’re overthinking it. Maybe he has more energy from being out and socialising rather than working from home which can be boring and monotonous.
from this I wouldn’t assume my DH was paying for sex. I’d think it was the weekend so he’s more up for it, rather than a week night.

Chimna · 04/02/2023 00:21

Could it just be that he's in weekend mode?

KMW79 · 04/02/2023 00:23

AlexisLex · 04/02/2023 00:16

It's only that I think he'd be making more of an effort if he was actually seeing someone.

I'm not saying he goes out looking rough - he's just not doing the whole cliche of suddenly caring loads about his appearance.

I don't know what he spends or if he takes cash out but I'm thinking that knowing that would help. I've got no real reason to distrust him though.

Also possible it's something that hasn't started? Like flirting at work and getting riled up. I don't even know how I'd feel about that, but I'd definitely rather it to the above.

Show quote history

It’s shit you are feeling like this! I know it’s awful. It does seem like you have no grounds to apart from him being more ‘attentive’ but a gut feeling is hard to ignore. Could it just be he’s more relaxed over the weekend period?

Shamoo · 04/02/2023 00:23

It’s the weekend?
He is energised from being out and about with other people?
When’s he’s away from you he misses you more.
There are lots of reasons why this could happen which don’t involve anything dodgy, certainly not paying for sex. There must be more to it for this to be where your thoughts have gone?

Original poster
AlexisLex · 04/02/2023 00:25

Chimna · 04/02/2023 00:21

Could it just be that he's in weekend mode?

I hope so. It's just that he seems to need the day physically being at work to get in that mood (i.e. if he stays home, he doesn't get like it.

It's reassuring that people think I'm overthinking. Other poster comment about just the energising effect of being out among people is a nice positive way to think. 😊

OP posts:
Duckingella · 04/02/2023 00:34

@AlexisLex

Are you worried he's got a crush on a colleague and is quite jubilant after seeing them and perhaps is more attentive out of guilt?

Original poster
AlexisLex · 04/02/2023 00:40

Shamoo · 04/02/2023 00:23

It’s the weekend?
He is energised from being out and about with other people?
When’s he’s away from you he misses you more.
There are lots of reasons why this could happen which don’t involve anything dodgy, certainly not paying for sex. There must be more to it for this to be where your thoughts have gone?

I think the other reasons are partly on me and having been cheated on in the past.

It's just me trying to find an explanation that involves a new pattern of behaviour that wouldn't need him to start trying harder to impress people.

Definitely some more wholesome alternatives I hope are true, but I'm definitely not wired up as an optimist.

Maybe he just doesn't get his "two a day" when he visits the office. 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
AlexisLex · 04/02/2023 00:44

Duckingella · 04/02/2023 00:34

@AlexisLex

Are you worried he's got a crush on a colleague and is quite jubilant after seeing them and perhaps is more attentive out of guilt?

Yes, definitely the second worst option. I don't know much about his colleagues.

OP posts:
MishaBukvic · 04/02/2023 07:42

I think you may be over thinking.
It's hard to explain but i think I'm similar or at least have a similar pattern to your DH.
Weekdays not alot happens , its always work the next day and there's the rush of getting everything ready for the next day.

On a Friday, my work is very relaxed (the big bad boss is never in on a Friday ) . It's an enjoyable day , and the thrill of the weekend. Just last night , I was excited, called in the shop for a bottle of wine and offered myself on a plate to DH lol . Because its the weekend and that's what we live for. : - D

FenghuangHoyan · 04/02/2023 07:49

AlexisLex · 04/02/2023 00:44

Yes, definitely the second worst option. I don't know much about his colleagues.

Show quote history

If it was this, he'd be getting himself looking tidy on Thursday. He's not, so it's not.

He's probably knackered and thinking about work during the week. On Friday's he's got a sleep in and can stay up late and not think about the next day. I think the pattern is pretty typical.

So, yes, you're overthinking I think.

FinallyHere · 04/02/2023 07:53

Shamoo · 04/02/2023 00:23

It’s the weekend?
He is energised from being out and about with other people?
When’s he’s away from you he misses you more.
There are lots of reasons why this could happen which don’t involve anything dodgy, certainly not paying for sex. There must be more to it for this to be where your thoughts have gone?

This ^ would be my first thought.

My next would be to encourage you to enjoy the good things in your life. It sounds as if your DH is one of them. Why would you spoil it for yourself, looking for trouble in this way.

Try let it go. Smile at him and be pleased to see him when he gets back. Do you genuinely miss him when he is not around. Tell him that.

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 04/02/2023 07:53

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread.

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 04/02/2023 07:55

Sorry! No idea how I managed to post on completely wrong thread - I’ll report it

Lcb123 · 04/02/2023 08:00

I do think you’re over thinking. Surely is a combination of it being Friday/the weekend and having had a day away from each other? I mean, even if he does come across (innocently) an attractive colleague on a Friday; if he is making you happy I wouldn’t be too worried.

mattyd · 04/02/2023 08:03

It's the getting out and about that does it. Makes you feel more alive and energised. I've never said this before, but I don't think it's dodgy at all, he's just seeing you with fresh eyes.

3LittleFishes · 04/02/2023 08:30

I hated working from home. I could easily see how I would have gotten into the same pattern as your husband, especially if my day in the office was a Friday!
I would be buzzing from the social aspect of seeing my colleagues and at the same time be looking forward to the weekend. Hopefully your husband is the same.

YRGAM · 04/02/2023 08:45

You're definitely overthinking it. To be honest, it sounds like him having a break from you is a wee positive thing in the relationship - he comes home with different experiences, new things from his day to talk about, and you two not having been in each others pockets all day. He could even have missed you!

YRGAM · 04/02/2023 08:47

A wee positive? That was somehow supposed to be 'actually a positive'

Notsuchaniceguy · 04/02/2023 08:51

If he was making an effort on appearance and was less interested in you after a Friday in the office you might have a stronger case to be worried. I'd go with the positive effect of being amongst colleagues and having a nice day/break from routine as lifting his mood. Perhaps they make him feel he's doing good work, perhaps he has a mate there he gets to have lunch with and a laugh? All possible and non suspicious reasons for his behaviour. Also a day in work on a Friday creates a boundary from work/home life that switching off the laptop on the dinner table doesn't. That probably helps focus him into home mode too.

GiltEdges · 04/02/2023 08:57

Maybe he just misses you? Absence makes the heart grow fonder etc.

Based on everything you’ve said, it says more about you than him that your first thought is either affair/he’s paying for it elsewhere, when he’s giving no signs of either.

purpledalmation · 04/02/2023 09:16

Maybe he finds the Friday stressful, and wants to unwind with you via sex, afterwards?

ouch321 · 04/02/2023 09:20

Gut instinct can be smarter than our brains so to speak.

You're uneasy. There may be a valid reason why. Keep an eye out.

AllOfThemWitches · 04/02/2023 09:26

If I was so turned on just from being around someone at work, I'd go home and sort myself out, not have sex with someone who isn't the person in question lol.