When did you get engaged?

[MsSx]

Been with my boyfriend 5 years in a few months. We have a 1yo

I did specifically say when I fell pregnant please don’t propose just because I am or just after I have the baby.

as I say DS is 1 now and I just I don’t know I don’t see any signs he will I just feel it’ll never jappen

i want to marry him and have his last name

just want to hear your stories and be filled with some hope. Lol

@windyarse we have a
had a conversation. We do want to get married he even says he’d like to have the wedding abroad. So yes but the fact we’ve talked about it, we have a child and a mortgage together makes me wonder when he will propose that’s all

that is one aspect of it I’d like to share a surname with him and our son :) but there are plenty of reasons I want to get married to the man I love.

You can share a surname without marriage was what I meant.

However, since you have talked about it why can't you (as in both of you) just get on and start the planning? Why do you need him to ask you something you have agreed to do?

Been with my partner about 13 years I think he proposed maybe about 6/7 years in since have moved in together and have two little ones. Not sure if this matters but we got together in high school so we're quite young. Still not married yet though lol... it's so expensive someday soon
Hopefully haha.

I agree with others though just have a chat with him

First husband. Started going out April 1983 proposed Jan '87 married June 87. He died march 2012 (missed silver wedding 😩)
Current husband. Met aug 2018 engagement may 2021 married may 2022.

the fact we’ve talked about it, we have a child and a mortgage together makes me wonder when he will propose that’s all

Why aren’t you just sitting him down and telling him that you’re ready to start planning your wedding, so you want to talk about budgets, saving plans and timescales. You’ve already tied yourselves together in far more long lasting ways than marriage. What does he need to be ready for unless he doesn’t want to get married? This is your future too. The decisions are not all his to make.

Or is it the big, romantic surprise proposal that you want?

Exh and I got engaged 6 months after being together, starting living together a few months later, married on our 3rd anniversary. He started ahagging about with a colleague 7 years later.
Divorced almost 7 years ago.

Current partner, been together 7 1/2 years, lived together for 4, adopted 2 children together December 2021, got engaged Christmas 2021. Getting married in September

Dating two years, moved in for 3 years, then got engaged (bought our first joint property a year later, I already had one) almost two years after engagement got married, DS a year later.
One of the reasons I got married before DC was that I thought it would never be a priority after DC

We were 25 when we started dating, I think it's different if you're older when the relationship starts

We moved in together four months after we started dating, he proposed two months after that, we got married the following year. That was 18 years ago.

We got married when we'd been together 6 yrs probably would have been earlier if I was older, as it was we got married when I was 22.

Never got engaged we just had conversations about wanting to get married and one day decided to book it.

But maybe he wanted to as you were going to be the mother of his child and he felt such overwhelming love he want to propose. Then you said no, don’t do it now, which for me would have put a downer on it. You seem to want to be in control of the proposal and are dictating when he can, so just ask him and you can be in control and do it your way when the time is right for you.

Got engaged on our third anniversary and married 10 months later.

We got together in 2007

Got engaged in 2013

Got married in 2015

Had DS in 2017

Had DS2 in 2022.

And what did your boyfriend say when you discussed this with him?

Why not propose to him? All this men have to do it stuff is nonsense. 😋

If you've already discussed it surely you're engaged already? Why is a big surprise proposal needed, I just don't get it

Moved in together after 10 months. Engaged after 2.5 years. Married a year later. Mortgage and baby the year after.

It wasn’t a surprise, though. We talked about what we wanted early on, and discussed our priorities and timelines. He did the whole proposal + ring thing, and it was sweet, but I knew it was coming and I knew roughly when. The idea of waiting around for a man to decide he wants to marry you, like you have no agency, has really never appealed to me.

Your situation crops up on here fairly often, OP. And I never really get it. This is a pretty fundamental thing. Why are you ‘hoping’? Is your relationship not one where you can have a conversation about what’s happening? He’ll do it ‘when he’s ready’ is incredibly dismissive. What about your readiness?

And, to be honest, why do you want to marry someone who isn’t excited about marrying you?

Aw sounds like it will come it's just frustrating when u want it now. U can always drop some hints lol. I used to show him the type of ring I would like 😆

I've been together with dh since I was 17, he was 19. We were the first of friends to get together and settle down. We bought a house 5 years later. At that point folk would occasionally mention getting engaged. I was 22 I was like no I don't think so. I would have said yes but I didn't feel I was ready for that yet.

By the time I was 25, a few other friends had got engaged and I thought he might propose soon. I really wanted him to.

Every birthday, Christmas, holiday etc I thought maybe he will propose. Nope! We then started going to friends weddings and to be honest I was starting to get a bit embarrassed as folk were always saying oh it'll be ur turn next 🙄

I told him I wouldn't have kids unless we were married. I prob would have but didn't tell him that 😂 Anyway he proposed when we went away for a special holiday for his 30th. I was not expecting it, I was absolutely stunned. So stunned I kept saying are u joking. Then he opened the box and I saw the ring so he def wasn't joking lol.

So we were together for 10yrs before I got a proposal. 10yrs later, we will have been married 8 yrs this year and have 2 kids.

I also don’t get giving kids the man’s name when it isn’t your name, in the hopes that he will eventually do you the honour of wedding you. But, that’s obviously up to the individual.

27th February, 1971
I was 18 he was 20.
Got married in 1975.
Still here, together, with kids and grand kids.
Both now retired and having a lovely life.
Best wishes to you and yours.

We got together when we were 17. Engaged at 23, married at 25. Kids at 28 and 30 xx

Engaged within 14 months or getting yogether, bought our house at 16 months (lived with our own parents up until then), put off getting married as we had DC1 at just over 2 years, DC2 at 3 years & finally got married when we'd been together 6 years.

Are you able to talk to him about what you want and make sure you both want the same thing, including timewise? Don't just wait for him to propose, have an actual conversation about it.

Good luck

We were together 3 years and we decided to get married. It was a joint decision, no proposal. We got married but I didn't take his name, why would I, I already have a name. Its the 21st century, if you want to get married tell him so, and have an approximate date in mind. He either wants to marry you or he doesn't, if he doesn't you might want to rethink the relationship.

Moved in together after 2 years.
DC1 after 5 years, followed 3 years later by DC 2.
Engaged after 11 years, married 9 months after engagement. 20 years married this year. Together 31 years in total. I was ready to get married after 5 years, but he wasn't. It wasn't a big deal for me. We were living in my house, I had a good job so wasn't relying on him for anything.