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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Nothing I do is enough

60 replies

WaterMelonSugar9 · 02/02/2023 18:41

Been with my husband of 3 year is just so hard to please.
lovely bloke, took me on and my daughter and now we have a son of our own.
However, he’s so negative and hard to please.
Everything I do, buy, choose, cook, he dislikes or has something to say.
Example: making a chicken dish tonight, 2 chicken thigh each, straight away 2 isn’t enough, he wants a smaller part of the chicken, he needs to know exactly what’s in the sauce, the sweet potato fries look soggy in the fryer….
Example 2: brought snacks for him, doesn’t like the filling of one cake, the cookies aren’t the correct brand, the why buy chocolate when he doesn’t like it (me and my daughter do).
It’s constant. Moans about car parking, moans about the way the fridge is filled, the way the bath is run, too hot or too cold.
It’s painful!
Any advise!

OP posts:
Rolypolyup · 02/02/2023 18:43

It's not you it's him.

Rolypolyup · 02/02/2023 18:44

That's not really advice but it's the truth. Nothing you do will be good enough. But you are enough.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 02/02/2023 18:44

Yabu to be grateful he is with you and your dc.

He is a twat.

babytum · 02/02/2023 18:44

Tell him to Fuck Off and do it himself?

Amiable · 02/02/2023 18:44

It will not get better.

Sorry

TwilightSkies · 02/02/2023 18:45

Only advice is to tell him to fuck off!!

momtoboys · 02/02/2023 18:46

UGH. How tiresome. I used to work with a woman like that and even that made me mental.

Johnisafckface · 02/02/2023 18:47

Dated one like this. Never got better, if anything it got worse.

Enko · 02/02/2023 18:47

Does he know he does it? Have you asked him why? Some people can get into a rut and not realise how negative they are.

Wishimaywishimight · 02/02/2023 18:48

In what way is he "lovely"?

Stressybetty · 02/02/2023 18:49

Yeah it's not going to get better. And you saying he took you and your DD on sounds like either you feel you owe him for that or he's making you feel you should owe him. Have you spoken to him about his complaining?

AmandaHoldensLips · 02/02/2023 18:51

You describe him as "a lovely bloke".
He's not.

rayssunshineeverywhere · 02/02/2023 18:52

You do everything for him, including running his baths?

iklboo · 02/02/2023 18:53

Stop doing anything for him. He makes Victor Meldrew look like Mr Tumble. Whinging nothing you do is right or good enough? Well the only was to make sure he gets what he wants is to fucking do it himself.

Shahira78 · 02/02/2023 18:57

'he’s so negative and hard to please'

'lovely bloke'

bit of a contrast? Is he really that lovely?

SaltyGod · 02/02/2023 18:59

He sounds dreadful, but if you want to try to make it work I can make a suggestion as I have an occasionally moany DH.

Make a secret list of all the criticisms and any compliments over a period of time (say 24-48hrs). A question about the contents of the sauce wouldn't count, you might see it as a criticism but he'd argue it's a question. The key is to pick the undeniable criticisms only.

After your time period, present the lists to him.

Explain how it makes you feel. Ask him why he does it.

His response will tell you if it's worth trying to save your relationship.

Mine reformed but occasionally lapses. I then remind him that I'm not his servant and he isn't the boss and that he can do it himself next time.

elloelloellooooo · 02/02/2023 19:01

Firstly u say

Any advice

NOT

Advise?

But seriously he's an idiot. Dump

PurpleReindeer2 · 02/02/2023 19:04

Sounds really grim. Sucks the fun out of life. You deserve so much better. Tell him to cease moaning all the time or you're done. It's no way to live.

Oysterbabe · 02/02/2023 19:05

SaltyGod · 02/02/2023 18:59

He sounds dreadful, but if you want to try to make it work I can make a suggestion as I have an occasionally moany DH.

Make a secret list of all the criticisms and any compliments over a period of time (say 24-48hrs). A question about the contents of the sauce wouldn't count, you might see it as a criticism but he'd argue it's a question. The key is to pick the undeniable criticisms only.

After your time period, present the lists to him.

Explain how it makes you feel. Ask him why he does it.

His response will tell you if it's worth trying to save your relationship.

Mine reformed but occasionally lapses. I then remind him that I'm not his servant and he isn't the boss and that he can do it himself next time.

This is a good idea.
I bet he'll be shocked when you show him just how much he does it.
I definitely wouldn't be running his bath 😕

Oysterbabe · 02/02/2023 19:06

elloelloellooooo · 02/02/2023 19:01

Firstly u say

Any advice

NOT

Advise?

But seriously he's an idiot. Dump

Oh the grammar police are here, how helpful.

Thinkbiglittleone · 02/02/2023 19:16

lovely bloke
No he is not.
If he doesn't like what you cook, he cooks his own.
But to do this to another person is not lovely, it's cruel and controlling it slowly chips away at their confidence so they don't believe they can do anything, then they need the vile partner that made them that way.

he took me on and my daughter and now we have a son of our own

Took you on !!!! Took you on !!!!
Please seek some counselling to gain some self value. It is not good that you have moved your child (daughter) into a situation where the narrative is, you were both 'taken on"by a "lovely" man who constantly drags you down. This is not what your daughter should strive for or believe is healthy.

Thinkbiglittleone · 02/02/2023 19:17

Oh and it also isn't healthy you're DS will think this is how you treat your partner. It's not healthy,

category12 · 02/02/2023 19:18

What's lovely about him? 🤔

Sounds like a critical prick. I hope he's not as nitpicking and undermining with your children, it will destroy their self-esteem.

It also sounds like you wait on him hand and foot. Why are you doing that?

Bananalanacake · 02/02/2023 19:39

Laugh in his face and do it your way anyway.

firstmummy2019 · 02/02/2023 19:41

Next time look him straight in the eye with a smile on his fave and say "Gratitude is the key to happiness".