Page 2 | Nothing I do is enough

WaterMelonSugar9 · 2023-02-02T18:41:41+00:00

Been with my husband of 3 year is just so hard to please. lovely bloke, took me on and my daughter and now we have a son of our own. However, he’s so negative and hard to please. Everything I do, buy, choose, cook, he dislikes or has something to say. Example: making a chicken dish tonight, 2 chicken thigh each, straight away 2 isn’t enough, he wants a smaller part of the chicken, he needs to know exactly what’s in the sauce, the sweet potato fries look soggy in the fryer…. Example 2: brought snacks for him, doesn’t like the filling of one cake, the cookies aren’t the correct brand, the why buy chocolate when he doesn’t like it (me and my daughter do). It’s constant. Moans about car parking, moans about the way the fridge is filled, the way the bath is run, too hot or too cold. It’s painful! Any advise!

pictoosh · 02/02/2023 19:45

He won't change and it won't get better. The problem is his personality you see.

Shoxfordian · 02/02/2023 19:48

Stop wasting your life with him

DestinysGrandchild · 02/02/2023 19:51

Which bits lovely?

Watchkeys · 02/02/2023 20:14

Go where you're loved.

Best bit of advice ever. Just spend time with people who make you feel loved and appreciated, and avoid people who make you feel otherwise.

Shahira78 · 02/02/2023 20:16

Thinkbiglittleone · 02/02/2023 19:16

lovely bloke
No he is not.
If he doesn't like what you cook, he cooks his own.
But to do this to another person is not lovely, it's cruel and controlling it slowly chips away at their confidence so they don't believe they can do anything, then they need the vile partner that made them that way.

he took me on and my daughter and now we have a son of our own

Took you on !!!! Took you on !!!!
Please seek some counselling to gain some self value. It is not good that you have moved your child (daughter) into a situation where the narrative is, you were both 'taken on"by a "lovely" man who constantly drags you down. This is not what your daughter should strive for or believe is healthy.

God, absolutely this. If you're going to take any advice on this thread, please let it be this!

MyGrandmaLizzie · 02/02/2023 22:38

Sounds like one of my adult DC who is ND. Finds fault with everything I do or say. If I get annoyed I'm told it's just how I 'interpret' it. Occurs often when DC is stressed or under pressure
I've started just walking away or ignoring it.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 02/02/2023 23:33

Is he like this with everyone and about everything? If so it's a habit and a pattern of thinking and he may be able to change it if he works really hard at it. Have you told him how it makes you feel? Eg you've said 10 negative things about one meal I've made you and it makes me feel frustrated and picked on and upset. So I'd like you to stop, I know it might be difficult as its clearly a habit so I'm going to tell you each ans every time. If he tells you you're 'over sensitive' then he doesn't actually give a shit about how you feel and there is not much you can do, other tjan maybe start picking holes in everything he does to see how he likes it

On the other hand if it's all directed at you...then I'm sorry I think he is subconsciously trying to wear you down and erode your self esteem and confidence. Constant criticism is actually listed on womens charity websites as a form of abuse. And there is nothing you can do with abuse other than leave, you cant reason with it or modify your behaviour to change things.

unsync · 02/02/2023 23:48

You deserve better.

DeeCeeCherry · 03/02/2023 00:25

Your H is a pain in the ass and always will be. Are you not bored of him? & You say "took me on"🙄 as if you should be grateful to him. You are wasting your 1 life on an unworthy man that any woman with self-esteem would have told to fuck off out of it long ago.

Does your DD hear him speak to you like that? Disgraceful, if so. Very poor relationship example. Anyway you've had good advice on thread, whether you take it and stop sounding over-grateful to this unpleasant fool is another story. He must've seen you coming. You could have a different life for yourself. If you don't want to leave then refuse to take on his negging nonsense. Let him get on with it.

AcrossthePond55 · 03/02/2023 00:31

Leave, call it a day.

Because it's going to get worse and worse until eventually you wear yourself to a frazzle trying to please someone who simply will not be pleased, your self esteem is gone, and you are a shadow of yourself.

Some do this to gain control over another person. Some just like to see someone miserable because it makes them feel better about themselves. It doesn't matter why they do it, the end result is the same.

MakingTheVeganYorkshirePud · 03/02/2023 01:13

elloelloellooooo · Yesterday 19:01

Firstly u say

Any advice

NOT

Advise?

But seriously he's an idiot. Dump

@elloelloellooooo

If you are going to correct someone on their grammar or spelling, the best thing YOU can do is make sure YOU are flawless yourself.

It's 'you', not 'u'.

QueefQueen80s · 03/02/2023 07:49

Not a lovely bloke is he? This would drain me after one day! No-one needs negativity in their lives.

perfectcolourfound · 03/02/2023 07:53

He doesn't sound lovely at all.

He 'took you on' - you say that as though that makes him a prince, something you have to be grateful for.

But actually - you took him on. You took on a man who whinges and moans and wants everything doing for him, and his way only. You're the one making sacrifices, not him.

Cornishclio · 03/02/2023 07:54

Oh dear please forget about pleasing this moaning Minnie. My DH is a bit of a fusspot and he learnt very early in our relationship (married now over 40 years) that if he moaned about anything he had to sort it out himself. So if your DH doesn't like what you cook he can sort his own food out and as for bath water presumably this is for the children? As long as they are ok with temp he doesn't get a say. Stand up to him and get rid of that attitude of him taking you on. He hasn't done you a favour if this is a loving relationship.

SkiingIsHeaven · 03/02/2023 07:57

Ask him to show you how to do it properly by doing all the jobs himself and you will watch. You might need a month to watch all of the jobs. He sounds like a negative bellend.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 03/02/2023 08:06

Three words for him OP. Do it yourself

Mobydickssister · 03/02/2023 08:09

@Thinkbiglittleone "But to do this to another person is not lovely, it's cruel and controlling it slowly chips away at their confidence so they don't believe they can do anything, then they need the vile partner that made them that way."

^ This x 100.
It's a psychological ploy OP.

These people are called 'chippers' because that's what they do, just keep chipping away at you until you feel worthless.

My only advice is to 'get rid' - they don't change.

I was married to one of these and the best thing I did was divorce him.

Beamur · 03/02/2023 08:14

You have married Victor Meldrew.
There's a possibility he's just being a bit of a twat. Maybe used to doing things 'his way'..This is a fixable issue if he really is lovely. If you point out to him that he is criticising you how does he react? What if you calmly said, fine, do it yourself then if you want it doing a certain way?
The other possibility is that he lacks respect for you - this is more serious and not something to fix.
Overall though, I would stop chasing approval.

Apairofsparklingeyes · 03/02/2023 12:55

Next time he criticises you say ‘Do it yourself. I’m never cooking or shopping for you again’ and just shop/cook for you and DD.

80s · 03/02/2023 13:08

Sounds like you "took on" a man that no other woman would put up with for five minutes, and you are even kind enough to say something nice about him despite his constant whinging. But even the kindest and most generous woman has her limits, right?

MichaelKeaton · 03/02/2023 14:41

He’s not a lovely bloke is he? He’s neggy and ungrateful and he will destroy you and your daughter.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/02/2023 14:44

Why would you try to please him?

Is that your role?

What does he do to please you?

Bookworm20 · 03/02/2023 14:56

Assuming he is an absolute sex god in bed? Otherwise what is the actual point of him?

But you could start there. perhaps a bit of
'why did you do it like that'
'It was a bit soft in the middle there DH'
'Its a bit too warm, can you sort that out'
'Not sure I want to eat that, whats in it'

Might hammer the point home about how constant critism makes someone feel.

billy1966 · 03/02/2023 15:09

Thinkbiglittleone · 02/02/2023 19:16

lovely bloke
No he is not.
If he doesn't like what you cook, he cooks his own.
But to do this to another person is not lovely, it's cruel and controlling it slowly chips away at their confidence so they don't believe they can do anything, then they need the vile partner that made them that way.

he took me on and my daughter and now we have a son of our own

Took you on !!!! Took you on !!!!
Please seek some counselling to gain some self value. It is not good that you have moved your child (daughter) into a situation where the narrative is, you were both 'taken on"by a "lovely" man who constantly drags you down. This is not what your daughter should strive for or believe is healthy.

This.

He's awful and this is the path of abusive relationships.

He grinds you down until you feel dead inside.

Your poor daughter.

She would be 10 times better off fatherless than this waster.

Get some help asap to either tell him shape up or get the hell out.

ANY man is not better than no man.

Ofcourseshecan · 03/02/2023 15:22

Thinkbiglittleone · 02/02/2023 19:16

lovely bloke
No he is not.
If he doesn't like what you cook, he cooks his own.
But to do this to another person is not lovely, it's cruel and controlling it slowly chips away at their confidence so they don't believe they can do anything, then they need the vile partner that made them that way.

he took me on and my daughter and now we have a son of our own

Took you on !!!! Took you on !!!!
Please seek some counselling to gain some self value. It is not good that you have moved your child (daughter) into a situation where the narrative is, you were both 'taken on"by a "lovely" man who constantly drags you down. This is not what your daughter should strive for or believe is healthy.

I agree.

If you want to try to save this relationship, I recommend the advice given by SaltyGod, yesterday 18:59.

But I would not give him more than one chance. His behaviour is horrible.