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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Massaging other woman

50 replies

Gina2919 · 01/02/2023 12:04

So how do I start...at the beginning

12 months ago I recieved a fb message from a girl who screenshot a message my bf sent her...when I sent him the message I asked what the hell is this...he said don't know anything then said I'm going bed, but was on fb till 3 in the morning...anyways the girl then sent me more messages the following day saying it looks like it was 2nd account and it shut down the night before, exactly the time I pull him on the message I received from the girl...we went back and forth for months because I knew he was lying to me...he eventually said I could have access to his fb, no messages was coming from girls however on looking at his history I could see over the 15 months we had been together he had friend requested a lot of females...he also had a lot of females blocked which u felt was strange....after another number of rows and him still denying anything I decided to end it at which point he admitted that he messaged girls at night when he was bored and it wasn't anything sexual so he didn't class it as cheating and wasn't doing anything wrong...he said he would stop as he can see it was ruining our relationship and can now see it wasn't right if it was hurting me....fast forard 12 months. We was out on Saturday night and as I came back from the toilet he was messaging someone then deleted the message straightaway, I pulled him on it and he said he didn't know what I was talking about i'd been drinking and went to the toilet...well I left the meal and left him to make his own way home. He then explained the next day it was a message to his kids mum saying he can't talk as I'm on my way back from the toilet...didn't believe his story as he had all night to think of a reason...then the next night he gets a fb message and I say who is that...he says some tart I look at the message and say she is replying to a message you have sent her, when did you message her? He was very vague and couldn't remember then said he replied to a story and it sends a message...to which I say why are you sending messages to girls again...he goes off on one saying I'm obsessed and need to get over it all and trust him...I said I find it insulting that my bf would rather spend his evening sat downstairs in his lounge messaging other woman instead of spending time with me...so my question is do you think it's OK for your partner to message other woman regardless of the context of the messages?
This really is making me ill I've had 12 months of this crap now. I don't think he would get to the point of actually physically cheating, but to me it's still cheating...please help because 12 months and it's still no better and he doesn't get it

OP posts:
gallina · 01/02/2023 12:10

I would have been out 12 months ago. Stop torturing yourself- he's a sleazy little rat and will never change

Aussiegirl123456 · 01/02/2023 12:10

Why are you even with this loser?

custardbear · 01/02/2023 12:22

Don't just walk ... run away, take your pride and self worth and run for the hills

Ps the title says massaging ... the irony! He's a loser, bin him before he gives you something he's caught off one of these girls he's not shagging

Gina2919 · 01/02/2023 12:50

Oh no typing error...how do I change it

OP posts:
Badger1970 · 01/02/2023 12:52

You really need to work on your self esteem. What on earth makes you think that you deserve this pond scum in your life, seriously?

pog100 · 01/02/2023 12:54

Don't worry about the title the answers will be the same. There's no earthly reason to stay with this man and there wasn't 12 months ago. For the love of God, get out while you can!

Maze76 · 01/02/2023 12:55

Best advice is to end the relationship. He clearly doesn’t value you and takes it for granted he can behave this way because you let him.
grab some pride and leave

closingscore · 01/02/2023 12:56

Where was he massaging her? Shoulders, feet or somewhere more intimate?

GreyCarpet · 01/02/2023 12:58

So dump him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Pseudonamed · 01/02/2023 12:58

No it is not. Get rid of the scumbag.

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 01/02/2023 12:58

Yeah, it's not just messages love. Been there got the t shirt. Leave.

Lennox78 · 01/02/2023 12:59

Referring to an any woman as “some tart” is revolting. Pretty much tells you everything you need to know about this man..

FairlySane · 01/02/2023 13:04

Lennox78 · 01/02/2023 12:59

Referring to an any woman as “some tart” is revolting. Pretty much tells you everything you need to know about this man..

Exactly this - well said Lennox78 👍

XmasElf10 · 01/02/2023 13:07

He’s a cheating scumbag, not worth your time! Leave him.

discobrain · 01/02/2023 13:08

Massaging or messaging?

MuchTooTired · 01/02/2023 13:09

Chuck him back in the sea and move on, he’s not worth this aggro!

plumduck · 01/02/2023 13:09

Just leave him

Ruby0707 · 01/02/2023 13:09

This is not ok and he is gaslighting too.

This will destroy your self esteem in the long run, believe me. Get out now and find someone who deserves you.

samqueens · 01/02/2023 13:23

Leave.

(Side note. He called someone who messaged him, at his behest “some tart”. That is a man who does not, cannot and will not ever have any respect for women.)

Gina2919 · 01/02/2023 13:41

Messaging woman on fb

OP posts:
PinotPony · 01/02/2023 13:45

He's an arsehole. You can't trust him. Find someone better.

Ofcourseshecan · 01/02/2023 14:07

As everyone else says: you can't fix this. He won't change, no matter how much he promises you. Save yourself by leaving him.

Nelly10 · 01/02/2023 14:08

Take it from me, get rid and get rid now. Before you get married have kids, he’s a cheat and a loser and won’t change.

kick him to the kerb and get your own life back. No one is worth mental torture like that wish I would have listened to this advice myself a long time ago.

Ryder68 · 01/02/2023 14:08

Get rid. Not worth becoming ill over this disrespectful sleazebag.

Ofcourseshecan · 01/02/2023 14:09

And I agree about 'some tart'. I wonder what he calls you, behind your back? You deserve someone better than this, OP.

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