Need to get ducks in a row...

[Stopdropnroll]

Tonight my husband has really shown me who he is. Nothing violent and I'm safe as are our children but it's the the straw that has broken the camels back.

We are financially very tied together with various things and also I currently only work part time self employed. I feel like before I do anything I need to sort my work situation out as I couldn't buy him out of the house at present.

I've never even considered this happening before so have no idea what I need to do. For now I'm not going to change anything at home, I just need to work out how best to leave quietly. Any advice welcome.

I would start by booking a consultation with a solicitor to help guide you through divorce, assets, children etc.

You need to do 2 things: get back into full time employment, and make sure he cant fuck you over in the divorce.

Check out Wikivorce and read some books, such as Divorce for Dummies. Many family law firms have a lot of useful information on their websites. Just make sure they are within your jurisdiction.

Start gathering copies of ALL financial paperwork. Bank and investment statements, salary slips, P60s, pensions, mortgage, house deeds. Everything. Keep it in a safe place. Draw up a summary of who owns what. Look at Form E for examples of tge information you'll need.

Start looking for a family solicitor. Ask friends you can trust for recommendations and suggestions.

Keep your powder dry. Erase your internet search history. Empty caches and check there's no tracing software on your laptop.

Keep calm and don't let him rattle you 💐

Yes, this is top of the list, I know a few professionally and personally so just need to think about who to go to...... As I say I think it'll take a while to get ducks in a row so I'm being careful. Also pretty sure he tracks me either by my phone or car do need to be careful.

do you have parents who are able to help you - emotional support, help with kids, maybe even a loan to help you buy him out?

If you have a telephone consultation with a number of prospective lawyers, your husband won't be able to engage them...

Thank you, he has most of it stashed away but at the moment it's stashed away here, so if that means
me going in the loft I'll go!

At least you have realised the truth about your husband and you got to the straw that broke the camels back moment. You need to get all your information together and clear your computer searches. I would talk to a trusted friend to see if they could recommend a solicitor and make sure that they won't chat about what you tell them.

I would also look to changing your job and building up some savings in cash and give this to a friend or family member to look after as you need it later. Would your parents be in a financial position to help you re the house and divorce? They may plan to give you an inheritance but some extra money now could be more beneficial.

You just need to gather up your information and make sure that your husband does not become aware of your plans. It may take some time to get things sorted out but it will be worth it.

How is he tracking your phone do you have location always switched on? If not I'd change the phone if you can afford it. Does he have an iPhone? Do you think he's put an air tag on your car?

Bloody hell! Good luck, stay safe

Oh god, hadn't even thought of it but yes I have (had) location turned on

Not sure if his work phone is iPhone or not, but I wouldn't put it past him to hide something very well in my car

I want to email mumsnet to move this to relationships buy don't want an email back, can someone else ask please? X

Reported for you OP xx

Hi OP,

We have moved this for you now.

We wish you all the best x