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Original poster

Sibling proposal etiquette

47 replies

Bluelightbaby · 30/01/2023 08:32

Ok so two brothers (let’s call them A & B) want to propose to their respective partners. Both couples have been together a similar amount of time.

whole family going on holiday next week

brother A says to brother B he’s going to propose whilst on said holiday

does that mean brother B should not propose on this holiday also, as it’ll take the shine off of couple A ?

Plus when would be a good time elapse for brother B to then propose afterwards - weeks/months/a year ??

Im couple B in this scenario, desperate to get engaged to my DP, but feel we should give couple A time to shine with their news

Thanks for reading x

OP posts:
Elsanore · 30/01/2023 08:33

Everyone just do what they want, and be happy for everyone else too.

salemsongbird · 30/01/2023 08:39

I would say definitely not on the same holiday, and give it a month or so afterwards. I would also make an effort to be really congratulatory to them, get them a card or organise a little get together so that they can feel celebrated!

DisforDarkChocolate · 30/01/2023 08:39

Unless you want to spend the next 5 years trying not to offend them just get engaged when you want to get engaged. What's next, holding off on the actual wedding, having a baby, baby names? Just get a ring on your finger if that's what you want and make sure any weddings aren't so close people won't be able to afford to come to both.

salemsongbird · 30/01/2023 08:39

It could of course all be fine and they might not be bothered, but that advice was based on them being as bothered as I could imagine 😂

redspottedmug · 30/01/2023 08:42

Desperate to get engaged? Surely you are therefore already committed?

Just get a ring and turn up 'engaged'. Job done.

Then you can start fretting about the etiquette of which couple gets married first.

Congratulations by the way Smile

Janefx40 · 30/01/2023 08:44

As everyone knows about if can't the brothers talk to each other and agree to do it on the same night?

It seems a bit of a shame to have to wait to get engaged because of someone else. I'm not very romantic but I think if people want to get engaged/ married then they should without overthinking it too much.

I think it is respectful to let the other brother know tho so that you are both prepared x

Sarahcoggles · 30/01/2023 08:56

If you and your partner want to get married one day, and you've discussed it and agreed on it, doesn't that mean you're already engaged?

ComtesseDeSpair · 30/01/2023 09:00

Can’t you all just find a different time and location and lose the problem entirely? If both of my siblings decided to propose on our family holiday I’d think it was some kind of weird competitive behaviour! Also, quite honestly I’d want to relax and enjoy my holiday and not have it be all about other people’s engagements.

WhatNoRaisins · 30/01/2023 09:02

I agree you already engaged. It's just a case of when you want to let the rest of the family know about it.

sevenbyseven · 30/01/2023 09:08

I agree with others that really you're already engaged as you've agreed to get married. However I assume you mean the whole down on one knee proposal with a ring thing. Were you actually planning to do it on the family holiday? If not then definitely wait until another time. If you were then maybe your dp could coordinate with his brother and do it on the same day?

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 30/01/2023 09:08

How can there be a proposal if its already been discussed and agreed, its happened. Agree to throw a joint engagement party with the other couple when you get back.

StClare101 · 30/01/2023 09:15

I’m so confused. You and your partner have agreed to get married. What on earth are you talking about with a proposal?

Mariposista · 30/01/2023 09:36

B should get in there just before, and propose the night before leaving, then break the news at the first night's dinner HAHAHAHAHA

InvincibleInvisibility · 30/01/2023 09:48

If B proposes in the 4-6 weeks after the holiday it'll just look like being competitive/copying.

As you've already discussed it Id say you're already engaged. Just buy a ring and be done with it. Whats the point in having a big proposal scene when he has already proposed? (Or you did.)

Notsuchaniceguy · 30/01/2023 10:05

I think there's an episode of Frasier that covers this one.

Seriously OP it seems one of the nicer dilemmas to appear here so good luck with it all. Joint wedding?

mindutopia · 30/01/2023 10:08

People are mad. Of course you can discuss getting married and decide that you will and then one of you propose to the other. It isn't the 1950s and it's not all a surprise ring and proposal and asking a woman's father's permission first. Most couples now discuss that they want to get married and then one of them may or may not 'propose', but it's perfectly normal.

As for timing, I think it's weird for anyone to make a big deal of proposing on a family holiday when you know there is another couple on the same holiday who might feel a bit put out, unless you know that they definitely aren't planning to get engaged and married soon. As for what the other couple does (that's you), if you've discussed it and decided you're getting engaged and you were expecting (both of you) to do it on this holiday, I would give it a few weeks to months. Not to give couple A time to shine, but to make it your own and so your partner doesn't feel like it's a proposal that just came out of the pressure of someone else doing it first.

Northernparent68 · 30/01/2023 10:10

I really would leave it at least a month, brother A or his girlfriend may be upset if you share their thunder.

MissTrip82 · 30/01/2023 10:27

People are really being absurd. Pretending to be confused by the idea that proposals don’t come completely out of the blue these days. OF COURSE couples have already discussed marriage.

People have proposals when they’ve already agreed about their life together the same way the majority of brides wearing white aren’t virgins anymore. there’s nothing puzzling about it and it’s ludicrous to pretend otherwise.

I’d do it on your own schedule (for me that wouldn’t be a family holiday! But whatever works for you) because otherwise it might get delayed for ages bc don’t want to take attention away from engagement/engagement party/wedding etc. there’ll always be something.

Shoxfordian · 30/01/2023 10:31

There’s not only so much happiness to go round; what’s wrong with them both proposing whenever they want to?

saraclara · 30/01/2023 10:36

If couple A hadn't said that they're getting engaged on the holiday, would you have?

And yep, I'm with most. If you and your partner have shady agreed that your gluing to get married, you're engaged. I really don't understand the need for a big brouhaha about it, with a specific timing and audience. The important and emotional bit is when you make that commitment to each other, privately.

typopro · 30/01/2023 10:36

Is getting engaged, planning on getting married and getting a proposal three completely different entities these days?

Is the proposal now all about the Insta? And/or the ring maybe?

I would have we thought if you've already discussed getting married then you are effectively betrothed...

In answer to your OP, don't steal the brother's thunder. Get engaged quietly or otherwise, on the holiday or otherwise, then "announce" it another time

saraclara · 30/01/2023 10:36

Shady? Already!

daisymade · 30/01/2023 10:37

I don’t think appropriate for either of you to get engaged on a family holiday and alter the dynamic of what the rest of the family are expecting from what I imagine is a week chilling and enjoying each others company which is then changed into some big celebration over one couple, I wouldn’t like that.

Can’t the brothers just discuss that they both want to get engaged and one shouldn’t trump the other just because they suggested it first? Just do what you each like but bear in mind that this is everyone’s holiday.

NerrSnerr · 30/01/2023 11:07

You're clearly already engaged.

I don't think anyone should propose on a family holiday. What if the other girlfriend isn't sure- she'll be under pressure to say yes.

All should do it when just the two of them together.

Dreamstate · 30/01/2023 11:13

I think its a bit weird to do it on a family holiday, I'd personally want my proposal to be during a time its just me and my partner away together.

Anyway I just think you do your proposal when the timing suits you both.