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Relationships

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Original poster

h texting someone MUCH younger on whatsapp

70 replies

Ausse · 29/01/2023 19:19

Hubby has been acting strange for the last few weeks. I have been suspicious and have finally managed to get into his phone to look…

he has a folder full of pictures of a young girl (late 20s/early 30s) that he has met at work.
they don’t work together but his work place use a service that hers offers if that makes sense. Don’t want to go into too much detail for obvious reasons…

he contacted her, and has sent her pics of him - some insinuating some not. It’s clear he’s trying to impress her with old pics of him when he was her age!!!!
he has logged where she lives, shown her where we live but it’s clear they haven’t met up.. SHE has asked to but he makes excuses…

he tells her he loves her, respects her and wants to get to know her…. ???? Conveniently forgetting his wife of a few years!!!

we have both been married before, and haven’t been married long - 4 years. I have kids from previous marriage.

what do I do now?
do I sit and wait and ‘catch him out?’
what does he want with her?
what possesses a man of 52 to want to pursue a much younger girl??????

help please x

OP posts:

TicketBoo23 · 29/01/2023 22:02

what possesses a man of 52 to want to pursue a much younger girl??????

Shallow men dont care about shared life experience, being a peer, things in common, same life stage, character etc etc. They care almost entirely about looks. Many people are at peak looks in the 20s and 30s. So they will go after/get women in that age group if they can get them.

That type of man doesn't get the ick or feel it's inappropriate to date/have a relationship with/have sex with people young enough to be their kid etc. Unlike many women who have those feelings.

He's evidently developed a bit of a crush and also she hasn't rejected him outright/told him to fuck off/reported him so he's pursuing her.

Btw did you say his workplace buys services from hers? In that case, she might have not wanted to tell him where to go sharply and might be indulging him a bit for expediency.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 29/01/2023 22:03

Ausse · 29/01/2023 20:05

I just can’t believe another marriage has failed :( I don’t know what I am doing wrong

Seriously don't contact her.

You've not failed, it's all on him. He's a sad immature inadequate.

TicketBoo23 · 29/01/2023 22:09

Should I message her?

I honestly wouldn't.

If it wasn't her, it would be some other younger (or maybe not even younger) woman he finds very attractive, if she's given him the time of day.

Tbh I think her saying she's happy with her partner is her trying to discourage and reject him gently/tactfully. She's not even initiated or escalated any of this, it seems to be him.

TicketBoo23 · 29/01/2023 22:12

I just can’t believe another marriage has failed :( I don’t know what I am doing wrong

You're not doing anything wrong.

You married him in good faith.

He's the one who's essentially cheating.

He shouldn't have gotten into a serious relationship with you let alone gotten married if you weren't what he wanted. If he decided that after you married, he should have been straight and ended it. He's a cheater.

How did his previous marriage end?
Do you think you got the true story?

TicketBoo23 · 29/01/2023 22:14

I tend to think there are more decent, nice well.adjusted women out there than men.

And I also tend to think a high proportion of divorced and separated men are circulating trash. The circulation can take years. Look at your circumstances... You've been married 4 yrs before his behaviour came to light.

Ginger1982 · 29/01/2023 22:19

Change her number in his phone to yours and let him hang himself.

TicketBoo23 · 29/01/2023 22:20

he has form for being sneaky (hence the flipping texts!!!!)

Sneaky in what way?

TicketBoo23 · 29/01/2023 22:21

Ginger1982 · 29/01/2023 22:19

Change her number in his phone to yours and let him hang himself.

The WhatsApp pic would change too, would it not (if they have WhatsApp pics).

MsDogLady · 29/01/2023 22:26

Ausse, this is an absolute betrayal. Your faithless H is telling OW that he loves her. Their flirtation has now escalated to an emotional affair.

He has a history of infidelity. You’ve previously commented that he and his Ex cheated on each other.

Surely no further investigation is necessary. He is chasing this woman and declaring his love. Now she is pushing to meet up privately.

This mockery of you and your marriage would be a dealbreaker for me. While you are weighing your options, he needs to experience the sharp-shock consequence of being sent elsewhere.

TicketBoo23 · 29/01/2023 22:26

Annabananna1 · 29/01/2023 20:13

He loves her? They must have been shagging.

It doesn't sound like they've even met outside with yet (?)

I've had an older man declare he loved me when all wed fine was have what i thought were good chats every day morning in his voluntary job for a while.

Some people get very carried away and crush-y, even in their 50s.

However it doesn't matter; it seems like he'd be cheating (physically) if he could and probably throwing op over for his love interest if he had the opportunity.

TicketBoo23 · 29/01/2023 22:28

*I've had an older man declare he loved me when all we'd done was have what i thought were good chats every Sat. morning in his voluntary job for a while

TicketBoo23 · 29/01/2023 22:29

*He has a history of infidelity. You’ve previously commented that he and his Ex cheated on each other.

Ah, I wonder was his first.

Original poster

Ausse · 29/01/2023 22:59

There was cheating involved in his previous marriage he is quite closed off about it. The gist was she cheated and he felt it was his payback for previous relationships when he cheated.
heused to be in a much different line of work with lots of time away and so I figured that was why his previous relationships failed

OP posts:

samqueens · 29/01/2023 23:13

I’m so sorry. Get legal advice about what that means in the event of divorce and invest in a bloody good lawyer.

But you and your children will be happier in a less perfect house that’s your own and in which you do not have to spend the rest of your life waiting for the other shoe to drop.

They are such F*ing bastards. And the worst thing is, they just don’t bloody care about the impact - if it’s “nothing” to them they expect it to be nothing to you too.

I’m so sorry.

Duckingella · 29/01/2023 23:31

What a disgusting creep he is;he's trying to cheat and is catfishing her.

This is a marriage ender.I'd start by seeing a solicitor to find out where here you stand.Get screenshots of the messages if you can.

pocketvenuss · 30/01/2023 00:00

@TicketBoo23 but the OP says the younger woman HAS asked to meet and he has come up with excuses. I think he's scared but fantasising and enjoying the ego boost.

Justmeandthedog1 · 30/01/2023 00:23

Ginger1982 · 29/01/2023 22:19

Change her number in his phone to yours and let him hang himself.

Genius.

OP, he’s making himself look seedy, sad and ridiculous. Sounds like she’s playing with him.

RememberNancyDrew · 30/01/2023 00:42

The woman is probably thinking, "Oh great, another pervy client who I have to be nice to because his employer is a customer of my employer."

TicketBoo23 · 30/01/2023 01:13

pocketvenuss · 30/01/2023 00:00

@TicketBoo23 but the OP says the younger woman HAS asked to meet and he has come up with excuses. I think he's scared but fantasising and enjoying the ego boost.

Yeah I noticed that but have no explanation.

It's odd because she's told him she's happy with her partner, and that sounds like a tactful rejection. But maybe she doesn't mean meeting for anything non platonic .

It's also odd he's not taken the opportunity to meet when he's declaring he loves her, has loads of photos of her stored on his phone, is essentially engaging in an emotional affair etc.

Maybe it is more about fantasy, ego boost etc. But it's strange for a man who clearly fancies a woman, has pursued her, and has told her he loves her not to take opportunities to have contact.

Maybe he's indulging his crush but thinks meeting her outside work would be crossing a line and can't be explained to op if it's found out about.

TicketBoo23 · 30/01/2023 01:22

Ausse · 29/01/2023 22:59

Well, even if he was cheated on in his previous relationship and didn't cheat; he clearly had form for cheating in relationships.

If he truly thinks Karma got him for cheating, maybe he's scared to outright cheat in your marriage and that's the explanation for why he's not taking an opportunity to meet her in person yet.... and why he wants to "get to know her" etc. Maybe he wants to see if it's going to become anything between them, anything that's worth leaving your marriage for, before making that leap (while convincing himself he never actually, technically cheated). Maybe he thinks if he meets her privately outside work, something may well happen that will be "proper" cheating. By his rationale about his previous relationships & karma, that might be "rewarded" by her cheating on him at some point if they got into a relationship. (Which you'd imagine would already be a fear for any realistic man romancing a woman young enough to be daughter).

(What he's doing a form cheating anyway, of course, but he may well be deluding himself it's not).

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