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Original poster

He is just not that into if he won't marry you

49 replies

MilkyCream · 29/01/2023 16:56

I read this in a book and I have also seen posts saying that on here. Is it true that if a man won't marry you, he is just not that into you?

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 29/01/2023 17:00

Yes, that is one of the reasons.
Other reasons include
He may not want to get married because he's been married before and it ended badly.
He may not want to get married to protect his assets.
Same as women.

PollyIndia · 29/01/2023 18:28

I definitely won’t marry my boyfriend as I’ve got too many assets and my son isn’t his, but he’s the love of my life and I’m confident we’ll be together for the rest of our lives. So exactly what incompletesenten said.

TheChosenTwo · 29/01/2023 18:31

Well I’m in love but I won’t marry him!
I’m as in to him as I think I’ll ever be, been together 20 years - what will marriage change for us? I just always found it to be an outdated concept and never wanted it for myself.
Happy for anyone who decides it is for them and I love going to weddings but I don’t want one 😂

MelchiorsMistress · 29/01/2023 18:31

On the whole, yes it’s true. But it can also be more complicated than that if there are children from previous relationships involved or one partner has significantly more in assets than the other.

DatingDinosaur · 29/01/2023 18:39

I disagree. Marriage isn't worth the paper its written on nowadays. A financial contract maybe but is no reflection of love anymore.

LimeCheesecake · 29/01/2023 18:43

DatingDinosaur · 29/01/2023 18:39

I disagree. Marriage isn't worth the paper its written on nowadays. A financial contract maybe but is no reflection of love anymore.

It’s only a short time it’s been about love - it is a legal contract and always has been.

LimeCheesecake · 29/01/2023 18:45

In my experience, people who don’t already have dcs from previous relationships but are against marriage, it’s because they are entertaining the idea this relationship - while fun for now - isn’t going to be for the rest of their life and want it to be as easy as possible to leave if they get a better offer. They might not get the better offer and their definition of “better” might be so high it’s unlikely they’ll find it - but they want the option.

purpledalmation · 29/01/2023 18:48

often waiting for something better to come along, unless he is very long term and against marriage for specific and reasonable reasons

RandomMess · 29/01/2023 18:50

Marriage has always been and remains a financial contract.

Those that think otherwise and it's "love" were duped, as was I when I was young & naive

Noicant · 29/01/2023 18:52

I probably wouldn’t have married if DH and I had kids from a previous marriage. I wouldn’t want to blend finances in that situation. If you are planning to stay together for the long run getting married makes sense for legal and financial ease, inheritance etc.

Won’t marry you implies one party does want to get married, in that case I’d say yeah either they don’t want to be tied to you in anyway that has legal or financial consequences (perfectly reasonable in many cases). Waiting for a better deal, doesn’t trust that your relationship will be long term.

TedMullins · 29/01/2023 19:06

Sometimes that might be the reason but some people just don’t want to get married. I’m one of them and I’m a woman. I don’t believe in the concept of guaranteeing to one person that you’ll be together for life, and legally binding myself to that. I want to be with my partner for as long as it’s good for both of us, and to be able to walk away when that ceases to be the case. Maybe that will be for another 50 years but I don’t see why I have to legally hold myself or him to that.

I don’t like the history of marriage either and what it used to represent. It’s nothing to do with how into my partner I am, it just isn’t something I’ve ever wanted to do. It depends if someone is opposed to marrying in general or feels that they’d consider marriage in the abstract, just specifically not to you.

ManyNameChanges · 29/01/2023 19:17

I think it depends what meaning you put behind the word marriage.

For me, it’s a contract. It doesn’t protect the relationship as such. Etc etc
But it protects me as a woman, the one who stopped work/reduced her hours to fit around DH.
For me, a man who refuses to sign a bit of paper to protect me would make me think twice, esp as soon as there are children in the mix.
Later relationship with no children? Very different situation.

ManyNameChanges · 29/01/2023 19:19

Btw now that civil partnership are available to heterosexual couples, I’d do that instead.

ArtVandalay · 29/01/2023 19:21

It depends. If it was someone who was married before, or who already had kids, I think marriage is less important.

But, other than that, it can definitely be one of the reasons.

NameChangedForThissss · 29/01/2023 19:28

Either he’s not that into you or he wants to hang on to his assets or a combination of both.

WandaWonder · 29/01/2023 19:29

Not everyone wants to get married, people can be happy together for 50plus years and not actually be married

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/01/2023 19:29

Is this your situation OP? You want to get married but he doesn’t?

SpikeGilesSandwich · 29/01/2023 19:33

Totally agree with @ManyNameChanges. I'd happily live with someone unmarried but I wouldn't have children with them.

(Plus I like being a family unit with the same last name, whatever it is, not automatically his, we discussed our options)

Original poster
MilkyCream · 29/01/2023 19:38

If there are no children or previous marriages involved from either person, is it the case that if he won't marry you he just is not that into you?

OP posts:
Zola1 · 29/01/2023 19:44

Why does he say he doesn't want to get married?
My partner told me early on he wants us to get married some day and he mentions it occasionally but hasn't done anything about it yet...chatting with his friends wife, she told me he always said he didn't believe in marriage during his previous LTR, his ex wanted them to get married and he didn't.

NameChangedForThissss · 29/01/2023 19:44

If there are no children or previous marriages involved from either person, is it the case that if he won't marry you he just is not that into you?
Does he own a property?

Beanie567 · 29/01/2023 19:45

He’ll get married to the next one.

Ponderingwindow · 29/01/2023 19:50

If you are young and planning a future together, this is true. He should want to make that financial contract because it forms the basis for financial unit you will become and allows you to become a team when raising children and planning retirement. Even if the woman is the higher earner, it mitigates the risk inherent in pregnancy and childbirth.

if you are older, already have children, and your goal is to protect their inheritance, not to raise new children your partner, things are different. In that circumstance, even cohabitation can muddy the waters and keeping a distinct siloing is important.

CountTheTimes · 29/01/2023 19:51

Some people just don’t want to get married. I’m female but I’m one of them. I think people thought I’d change my mind but I never have.

It’s no reflection on my feelings for my partner. We’ve been together for years and have 2 children and we’re very happy. We met when we were quite young and I don’t think he’d really thought about marriage before meeting me and then just accepted it wasn’t something I was up for.

ManyNameChanges · 29/01/2023 19:51

MilkyCream · 29/01/2023 19:38

If there are no children or previous marriages involved from either person, is it the case that if he won't marry you he just is not that into you?

First though would be: he wants to protect his assets and doesn’t see the relationship as a way to build assets TOGETHER.

Confort if having a ‘wife’ who shoulders a lot of the mental load etc etc but doesn’t want to get ‘burdened’ with sharing finances (because that one might be detrimental to him).

I think a lot of men see their wage etc… as they’re money/their house/their savings - even when married tbh.