He is just not that into if he won't marry you

[MilkyCream]

I read this in a book and I have also seen posts saying that on here. Is it true that if a man won't marry you, he is just not that into you?

No, not everyone likes the concept of marriage or feels the need to get married. It isn't always about finances.

Sometimes it's just people's view of marriage.

Someone might not want to have children with you, doesn't mean they don't love you as a partner or think you're incapable of being a parent, it just might not be on their list of things to do in life. Some people don't believe in marriage, some people don't want children etc

Not necessarily. I was totally in love with my children’s dad but marriage just did not interest me. I just never saw the point of it and still don’t. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes, but OP is talking about men who won’t marry their girlfriends, presumably meaning she wants to marry but he refuses. That’s very different. In most cases a married woman has more legal and financial protection in the event of a break-up (particularly if he has more money) than an unmarried one.

One of my relatives has two children by her partner, who refuses to marry her even though she deeply wants to marry him. It makes her unhappy, which he knows, so he can’t care that much about her.

Presumably she’s free to leave if she doesn’t like it?

Why does she want to marry someone who doesn’t care whether she’s happy or not? 🤔

Nonsense. DP & I have been together for 20+ years and we have no plans to marry. Marriage is fine for those who want it, but it isn’t for everyone, and the benefits for financially independent professionals are negligible.

Reasons my EXDP future faked me for 5 years and 2 DC were similar to the above...except he didn't have any assets, yet he was petrified that I'd steal all his money (despite the fact I earned double what he did).

He'd been married previously, and had a DC from that, but what seemed to scare him off most was his completely dysfunctional childhood. That, and that he clearly wasn't that into me, or else he'd have got the therapy he so desperately needed to be able to live with others.

This! It was imprtant to me to be married to the father of my children. Now that I’ll never have more children and I have considerable assets there’s not a hope in a billion years I would marry again. Yet my partner is the absolute love of my life

We weren't marriage minded, earned about the same, no kids. But here's the thing - when I was looking at our finances, wills etc, and went, "Um we should probably get married, look at this," he had no problem with that and within 2-3 months we had a marriage certificate to file with the other paperwork.

To be fair some people might have issues from their own childhood and family which make them jumpy about marriage, but it's okay to ask them to go sort their heads out and stop sitting on the fence, if YOU want marriage.

i Understand that some men don’t want to be married - but far too often on MN what we see play out is

1. man says we’ll get married at some point
2. Woman takes thar as sign something will actually happen
3. they move in together if they haven’t already often buying a house together
4. nothing happens & when ever woman questions man or tries to discuss marriage he says things like “I’m old fashioned, I want to choose a ring, I want to make it special
5. woman believes he’s committed
6. they decide to have DC “we’ll get married after
7. woman has DC, stays at home or goes p/t to take on majority of childcare
8. womsn raises marriage. Man says “oh there’s no point, it’s just a piece of paper”
9. they never get married - woman is unhappy about this but is now financially dependent, has reduced her career prospects and feels she now has no option to stay

We see that scenario play out over Abd over

there's no equal adult discussion about how they can protect each other legally

just future faking which isn’t fair

I agrée @Theeyeballsinthesky

It smacks of wanting his cake and eating it too.

Presumably this also applies to men who's partner wont marry after all we can see here lots of women don't want marriage. It also gives the make partner security.

It doesn't have to be expensive or a big thing, you could even do it in your lunch hour.

If I wanted to get married and my partner didn't want to marry me, I'd start planning to live separately and be financially independent. He's treating your relationship and future as one of a few options open to him - you shouldn't be giving him full commitment!
There's no way I'd stay with someone who wasn't interested in protecting me and building a joint future.
My nan always said that you don't buy the cow if you are getting the milk for free - it's a horrid phrase but accurate imo

Marriage has only ever been a financial / legal contract! That is literally what it is.

What did you think its purpose was?

I’m a woman, and I’m the one who refused to marry in our relationship — my longterm partner was desperate to get married.

I won’t marry anyone and I’m female.

My male partner had to come to terms with the fact that he would never be married if he wanted a life with me. He found it hard, he’d always wanted to plan a big romantic proposal, plan a wedding, have a stag do and a big day and photos and a marriage, a wife, a wedding ring, the whole shebang.

I didn’t, I don’t, and anyone who’d like to share my life needs to accept it.

He’s managed to accept it for 23 years and 3DC so far. I can genuinely tell you, I’m not looking for a better offer. I’m protecting myself and my children and him financially far better than any of my divorced friends and family members have been, it’s cost them tens of thousands to marry and tens, sometimes hundreds of thousands to divorce.

For men, yes I think that's mostly true.

Similar story here. Just did it for the paperwork, most people don't know that we even did it. You can get similar rights by making wills and other legal documents around next of kin, but marriage/CP is cheaper and easier.

This was almost my story, except I didn't become a SAHM, but continued my career, which accelerated, and have risen even higher since leaving my EXDP.

What I don't understand about these kinds of men is why they are not honest about not wanting to marry. Yes, the woman they are with would probably leave the relationship straight away, but he's only delaying the inevitable by pretending otherwise to keep her.

I left my EXDP after a 7 year relationship, 5 of those engaged, when I'd asked about getting married on 5 year engagement anniversary, and he suggested (in all seriousness), that we do it at 10 years of being engaged

Having kept my financial independence, I walked away, not only because of that delay, but he had also became resentful of my career and earnings.

I do think a man who wants to marry a woman he loves will do what he needs to make that happen. Obviously if she doesn't want to, that's a different matter, however I do think he needs to be really into you in the first place.

I would say so. I left my ex because he wouldn't make the final commitment - kept saying he just didn't believe in marriage, wasn't interested, not for him etc etc per se (we owned a house house, shared a business, engaged etc) For me marriage was important and I wanted to be married and then try for children.

6 months after leaving he married someone else. The shock did hit deep to be fair. He's now been married to her for 12 years.

We're still friends but just shows - he didn't want to get married - not to me!

Of course she is free. What relevance has that to the OP's question?

I have friends who've been together over 30 years. They've never got married. He changed his name to her last name. No previous marriages, no children woth anyone else. Mortgage and joint business. They just didn't want to marry.

So, in answer to your question, it's impossible to say. It could mean that. But it could mean something else. Its very specific to the person who doesn't want to marry.

This post doesn't make sense. The last sentence contradicts the rest.