I think he doesn't love me anymore

Thisisitforme · 2023-01-26T03:15:16+00:00

Been together 6 years Have two children Married The last 2/3 months he barely speaks to me, has zero interest in me.. hasn't kissed me in months, won't hold my hand or cuddle When I speak to him he completely ignores me Looks at me in disgust often Avoids being around me if possible I don't know what to do I'm only 27 he's 32 I had a talk with him and asked if he didn't want to be with me anymore and he said he didn't know My whole world feels shattered I don't know what to do I don't understand I love him more than anything I've loved him since I was 21 I'm scared and confused and hurt I don't know what this means for my marriage for my kids Why is this happening

LHReturns · 26/01/2023 03:18

You poor thing. Do you sense he has met someone else?

Original poster

Thisisitforme · 26/01/2023 03:21

I had suspicions
I came across porn on his phone
And noticed new girls on his social media
I'm having a slight mental breakdown tonight and went through his phone which I never do and found nothing
But that's made me feel worse
I feel like if he was distracted by a pretty woman it would be a different story but to think he is just falling out of love with me because of me is killing me

OP posts:

LHReturns · 26/01/2023 03:25

Ok…how old are your children?

Original poster

Thisisitforme · 26/01/2023 03:26

3 and 10 months

OP posts:

LHReturns · 26/01/2023 03:28

So he is feeling unappreciated and no attention from you, is my guess….as you rightly are so focused on your babies?

Original poster

Thisisitforme · 26/01/2023 03:32

My children are definitely my priority
But we've never had issues before
In the evenings after dinner and before bed while the kids play for a while we usually sit and talk or watch trashy tv and laugh
Cuddle and spend time together
And once their in bed we usually spend quality time without the kids
Just recently he has no interest in doing the things we usually do together
After dinner instead of sitting with me like usual he will sit in a corner on his phone and zone out
And once I've got the kids down when I go to him he says he's tired or can't be bothered and just wants to sleep (not talking about sex here)
He just no longer has any interest in spending time with me

OP posts:

LHReturns · 26/01/2023 03:38

Thisisitforme · 26/01/2023 03:32

My children are definitely my priority
But we've never had issues before
In the evenings after dinner and before bed while the kids play for a while we usually sit and talk or watch trashy tv and laugh
Cuddle and spend time together
And once their in bed we usually spend quality time without the kids
Just recently he has no interest in doing the things we usually do together
After dinner instead of sitting with me like usual he will sit in a corner on his phone and zone out
And once I've got the kids down when I go to him he says he's tired or can't be bothered and just wants to sleep (not talking about sex here)
He just no longer has any interest in spending time with me

Bloody ‘ell…you are a goddess. You know this isn’t your fault right?

Original poster

Thisisitforme · 26/01/2023 03:45

I know it's not my fault (I think)
I just feel helpless
I'm devastated
I don't know how to fix it or even if he wants to
I feel so lost and he hasn't even left me (yet)
What if he has found someone else and I haven't realised
What if he just doesn't want me anymore
I've had 2 kids I'm not in the same shape I used to be
But I'm trying
I put every effort into taking care of the kids taking care of the house
Cooking dinners
And cleaning and I work park time
I do my best to make time for him and his family
I literally half kill myself for my family and for the life we have
Are all my efforts just a waste?
Have I going to be a divorced single parent?
What's gonna happen to our business ? Our home ?
Is he even gonna leave me? Is he going to just find someone else on the side and have his cake and eat it to?
Can we fix our marriage? Does he want to fix it? What am I gonna tell my children when they're older?
How the hell am I meant to just turn off the love I have for him and carry on?
How do I carry on now like this
He won't answer any of my questions
He's avoiding talking about anything with me
Im getting myself more and more worked up the longer im sat here thinking about it

OP posts:

LHReturns · 26/01/2023 03:51

Ok…and does he know you are panicking?

Original poster

Thisisitforme · 26/01/2023 03:57

We had a talk night
I kept my cool and tried to just explain how I felt and was trying to get him to open up and tell me what he was feeling but he kept brushing me off and not answering me and just went quiet
Eventually when I broke down and cried he said we'll work on our marriage and he'll try to do better
But this evening he told me he doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore
He even said if we broke up he wouldn't want to see me so he would move far away and visit the kids every 6 months!
I couldn't believe he said that
6 months
I completely forgot about me for a second because the kids are obsessed with their dad
I can't imagine them not seeing him for 6 months because of me

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Original poster

Thisisitforme · 26/01/2023 03:59

Thank you for listening to me
I know I must sound ridiculous right now
But I feel better telling someone
I couldn't tell anyone in real life until something real happens

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Dartmoorcheffy · 26/01/2023 03:59

I'm so sorry but it sounds like he's decided it's over and he has already got a new life lined up. I know that's not what you want to hear and he sounds and utter piece of shit to be doing this.

Original poster

Thisisitforme · 26/01/2023 04:02

I know
I wouldn't be surprised if he broke our marriage up tomorrow
I guess I just have to wait and see what he's going to do since I obviously have no control or say in anything that's happening
I just feel broken for myself and for my babies

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CiderJolly · 26/01/2023 04:04

What an absolute prick!
If this is how he treats you and that’s his plan for contact with his children then you’re all better off without him.

Original poster

Thisisitforme · 26/01/2023 04:06

@CiderJolly
Yeah the 6 month thing was the biggest shock
Although I don't think he would actually do that or be able to
But what do I know anymore he's completely different person to who I know because the man I married would never leave his kids
He's never been without them for a day since they were born

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LHReturns · 26/01/2023 04:08

He sounds like an enormous disappointment. Mainly because he clearly isn’t telling you what the real issue is. When did this start?

Original poster

Thisisitforme · 26/01/2023 04:09

@LHReturns about 3 months ago
At first I thought he was just swamped with work or having a bad few days or whatever but it just got worse and worse

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LHReturns · 26/01/2023 04:17

It sounds like he is having an enormous crisis of confidence. Adult life and being a parent is suddenly ‘not his thing’. This has nothing to do with you, you realise yes?

Slimjimtobe · 26/01/2023 04:22

He’s horrible and selfish op

this has nothing to do with you. He’s a very self absorbed man. It will be really tough but you will come out better and stronger

LHReturns · 26/01/2023 04:33

If you can summon up the courage I would ask him to move out while he works through this. For the sake of your mental health.

this puts you in the driving seat. It will help.

SunflowerTed · 26/01/2023 04:54

Thisisitforme · 26/01/2023 04:06

@CiderJolly
Yeah the 6 month thing was the biggest shock
Although I don't think he would actually do that or be able to
But what do I know anymore he's completely different person to who I know because the man I married would never leave his kids
He's never been without them for a day since they were born

So sorry. He has met someone. Get your ducks in a row xxxx

SunflowerTed · 26/01/2023 04:55

LHReturns · 26/01/2023 04:33

If you can summon up the courage I would ask him to move out while he works through this. For the sake of your mental health.

this puts you in the driving seat. It will help.

This. Take back control x

isthistheendtakeabreath · 26/01/2023 05:17

LHReturns · 26/01/2023 04:17

It sounds like he is having an enormous crisis of confidence. Adult life and being a parent is suddenly ‘not his thing’. This has nothing to do with you, you realise yes?

Agree with this. Happened to me STBEXH last year - sadly we are now divorcing.

All the things you describe OP is what I had to put up with from him. We also have 3 very young children and married for 10 years.

My advice as painful as it is is to let him go.

doozledog · 26/01/2023 05:46

What a massive cunt!!!! I'm going through this, he was having an affair, his fone was also clean as a whistle.

He didn't tell me he didnt want to see our child he got caugh and fucked off, turnes up once a week, ticks the box and goes. I wish he had walked away my child is obsessed with his dad and the weekly disappointment is awful.

Speaking from experience, get up, pack his shit and kick the cunt out the minute his eyes open. You've clearly been up all night while he's been sound asleep. Says it all really!

You're in for a rough ride but my god in 6 months or hopefully less you really will see it as a blessing in disguise! Everyone said that to me early days, i didn't believe them, they were all right.

As for him not wanting see the kids, well good! I hope he does walk away cuz if he did see them he wouldn't be able to keep it up and commit to them and cause more stress and upsett....infact when you shoving his bags in his face tell him he can forget 6 months of thats the best he can do!

You are worth so much more, you really are!!!!!

You will get great support and advice off here.

Fuck him

doozledog · 26/01/2023 05:46

Apologies for the swearing so early. Men like him wind me up!