Nonarczone84 · 25/01/2023 13:35
So as if coming to terms with being in a relationship with a covert narc wasn't bad enough, it's since highlighted for me that my own mother is a covert narc and possibly other family members fit the bill too. Certainly explains a lot... only my whole life!!!
Choconut · 25/01/2023 13:40
I think it's probably quite common, it's where you learn that their behaviour is normal.
Nonarczone84 · 25/01/2023 13:50
I think so too, for the longest time I thought I was the problem. Then when I researched the tactics of my ex partner, I realised my mother has used the same toolkit to sabotage and control my whole life also. The triangulation, gaslighting, sense of entitlement, not respecting boundaries etc they're all there. A lot to get my head round. My mother is currently harassing and contacting my friends behind my back pretending it is out of concern for me but really to try and regain control. She will only help me if someone is there to see her doting mother routine or might hear about it. My ex partner was horrible but so is mother and other family members. I hate narcs, they are so destructive
Watchkeys · 25/01/2023 14:14
The enormous value in all this is that you can spot them a mile off, now, and turn your back immediately when you see or sense trouble.
You will never again enter a relationship that is destructive to you. You are the one who is in charge, now, and no more narcs will come into your life, because you won't except them. Great chapter to put to an end, isn't it?
Nonarczone84 · 25/01/2023 14:19
Absolutely @Watchkeys, they can't hide from me any more! They've done me a massive favour because I will never fall for their nonsense again and they will see what boundaries actually mean for the first time! Cheers to that! 😅🍷
Another2022 · 25/01/2023 20:16
I completely agree, it’s mad when you’ve had your eyes open. I’m over a year out of a marriage with a narc and I’ve gradually realised she’s textbook. Once I realised it wasn’t me being the ‘bad’ one (usual narc relationship issues, again textbook stuff) and I’m actually fairly normal I can spot them a mile off.
I now just shake my head at their nonsense, kill them with kindness and get on with my life!
Nonarczone84 · 26/01/2023 00:04
When I started to read about narc abuse I wondered how they knew my partner, he was so textbook. Good for you that you got out, many never do. I had to for the sake of my child while they're still young. The problem was never us, ignoring them is the best thing you can do from now on. Once you see it you can't unsee it!
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