Is adultery always wrong? Are there circumstances in which it can be justified, or at least excused?

[MrsPhilipGlenister]

Just wondered what people think, really. I suppose I've always been slightly surprised by the strength of feeling on mumsnet about it. It seems to me that - perhaps - there are circumstances in which it is at least understandable eg if someone's been in a very oppressive relationship for years, and they need a bit of a kickstart to get their mojo back and get out.

What do people think? Always to be stoned and condemned? Sometimes justifiable?

I do believe they are always wrong but I think perhaps Fio has a good point about self esteem.

My marriage to my ex was unhappy and I didn't have the guts to end it. I was scared of being on my own and (wrongly) thought that a bad marriage was better than not being in a relationship at all. I did start seeing my current DP whilst I was still with my ex h but it was never intended to be an ongoing affair - it was just the catalyst I needed to get out of my marriage. There was an "overlap" of about 4 months. I'm sure it hurt my ex h a lot but on the other hand, he was able to completely blame the break down of our marriage on me and my "affair" (which really wasn't the case)..

I'll take cover now and get ready to be stoned ....

thx for candidly sharing your stories.

43today you have been so frank and it's food for thought for me

not in your shoes but there but for the grace etc..

nuff said x

I doubt there are any circumstances where infedelity will not cause extreme pain, humiliation and unhapiness to both partners, once it is discovered.

Happy Woman, what you said about something being gone from the relationship, but then it is probably gone from all other relationships too. I totally agree with that. I can't say what's missing, but I can't do 'head over heels' anymore, even with new dp. It seems like a joke, somehow - like I know how quickly it can all change and, if that's the case, love isn't real.

I can understand how it can happen and I'm sadley beggining to relise that actually relationships where either partner has not cheated at some point are few and far between. Which I think is very sad. It's just people are living with the guilt and chosing not to say anything.

If it not right at home then people will be tempted to go elsewhere. If your relationship is strong enough it can be stopped before it begins, but only if you talk about it.

I do also believe that once the door has opened it never fully closes! So keep it locked and bolted if thats what it takes. Easier said than done.