Insecurities about porn

[GougeAwayIfYouWantTo]

I know there is a big divide between people who feel absolutely fine with their partner watching porn, and those for whom it evokes feelings of body insecurity, and unfortunately I fit into the latter category (and obviously those who are rightly against it altogether for moral reasons).

I’ve never had an outright conversation with my DH (ignorance is bliss!), but I assume he does watch it and I know he definitely did before we got together.

I’d love to not have insecurities, but I just can’t fathom how that’s possible. The majority of female porn stars are beautiful, slim, pert (often large) breasts, implausibly great hair. How can I compete with that?? I’m a late 30s mum, who despite looking after myself, is clearly showing signs of wear and tear.

For those who feel secure, how do you manage it? Is my self esteem just in the toilet?? My husband loves to have sex with me, is hugely complimentary etc, but I just feel shit still.

Thank you! Meanwhile, I’ll be simultaneously self-flagellating for writing “too” instead of “to” in my previous post 🤦‍♀️

Your so triggered and reactive to this post and it seems its more of YOUR insecurity of putting up with this behaviour and the need for validation that your response is normal. It’s not. If You chose to cope with it and was fine with it maybe you would have posted 10x times in a random post for a woman you dont know.

Unless you a a regular , or even occasional porn watcher, you are going to believe what you see and read in the media, that is, all porn stars are beautiful, fake tits, and are every mans dream woman.

This is absolutely NOT the case.

Like any industry, there are attractive girls, but there is a relative small number compared to the huge amount out there.

Those that are hot, have spent hours having make up put on, hair extensions, lips plumped and any other improvement available to them. Take all this away, and they become a very average looking woman ( generally speaking )

I couldn't think of a bigger turn off then being with someone insecure, no idea if my husband watches porn or not but he is with me not them.

Please don’t judge yourself or allow others to judge you negatively. You are entitled to feel the way you feel. The world we live in is pretty geared up to try and make us all feel inadequate with social media, advertising and pornography. It can take some strength to hold onto our inner worth and not be affected at all.

For you, I think porn is triggering long held beliefs of inadequacy. In your formative years you were perhaps given the message that you are not good enough, that others were being preferred to you. That inner critical voice tells you that others are better, that you will never be good enough. I think a good therapist should be able to work through this with you and unpick how these messages have taken over your mind and how they hold you back.

Men have fantasies but when it comes to the person they choose to be with, they need more substance and you are the one he chooses to live with, laugh with and make love to. Remember there is no-one else who looks like you, you are uniquely beautiful and no lesser than anyone else. So every time that negative voice creeps into your mind, replace it with kinder words. You are fine, just as you are.