35 and no sex for 14 years

[Yorkshirelass1987]

Hi, hope someone can help. I just need to know whether I am totally alone or whether anyone else out there has experienced what I am going through. I’ve been with my (now) husband 16 years and had sex a few times in the early days. We last had intercourse in 2009 and do not so anything foreplay-wise either. I have tried a lot of times and different methods but he says that he is just not into sex. I don’t want to sound naive but I can be very certain he’s not getting it anywhere else.

The thing is,, we are the best of friends, we parent well together and I couldn’t imagine myself with anyone else….. but I just can’t get his complete lack of sexual desire out of my head. I wonder what I am missing out on and genuinely whether it is healthy to go this long without any hanky panks!!!!!!!

Can anyone else out there relate please? Xxx

Tell him if he wants to stay with you as a sexless couple that's fine, but you will be seeking sex outside of the relationship.
He really took sex of the table when you were 21?

🤣

The first thought that came to my head is that he could possibly be gay

could you speak to him about opening up your relationship for you to have sex? if you love him
and see him as your best friend that’s amazing, but you also have other needs he has no interest in fulfilling.

I would leave and try to start again in a full relationship rather than friendship

My stbx was lacking in the bedroom. No foreplay or anything. I realised that I didn’t actually fancy him (he was 10 years mMy senior). Marriage became sexless. No affection, no intimacy. We were just friends raising two kids (although that was mainly my role as well as working FT).

Life rolled on but I knew I was missing something special. I’d accepted it.

Roll on ten years and menopause hit. Changed my life - especially the sex surge. Nobody told me about that. You guessed it - I entered a long emotional, then physical, affair. My world and thoughts were turned up side down. This man just blew me away!!

It made me do a lot of soul searching and the penny dropped hard! I ended my marriage of 23 years the second time I met the OM.

I should never have lived in such a sad situation. It is my biggest regret!

Same here. 16 years, most were done in the first 6 months. Then his sexual drive has just all suddenly gone. I've been through so many phases of resentments, talks, attempts to address with medical help and consideration of leaving.

But I have to accept that i do truly appreciate the fact that he's my best friend for life and I do want to share my life with him. Not in a romantic way is sad for me, as I'm a highly emotional person, whilst he's not. (He doesn't even feel body contact is natural - difficult upbringings).

I know I have no choice but to go on and try to prioritise other aspects of life, as there are so many other things in life are also important.

Hugs to you! But I've no answer, sorry!

Same

Same.

Was meant to quote this

It's not unhealthy to go without sex. However if you want sex and have been involuntarily celibate for 14 years I expect it could do a number on your mental health.

Don't waste any more time wondering if there's anything you can do to magically get him in the mood. You are facing a sex free rest of your life if you stay together, unless both of you would be Ok with some arrangement where you have sex with someone else. Might be for the best to just call it a day.

wow....not sure can i do this, both me and husband like each other and are really engaged with that part of things ....sometimes is once a week, sometimes more but I would not leave a man not showing me affection, interest and so on

Not allow a man to live with me but not show me, sorry