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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner doesn't brush his teeth

62 replies

Scotblue · 21/01/2023 15:43

I met my partner a few years ago. We got on very well from the start. He helped me through so much. Unfortunately I have a terrible terrible issue. I think I might be falling out of love with him. He isn't brushing his teeth anymore. Not at night anyway. In the mornings sometimes he might take his toothbrush to the bathroom but it's a manual brush and I don't think he's spending a lot of time on oral hygiene. He's in and out in a matter of a minute or so.

I was sleeping with him last night and I got a whiff of his breath. It smelled like a bin filled with old period soaked products. It was awful. My sleep was disturbed and I had to get up and move to the couch. He wanted sex this morning and I had to pretend to be sick to get out from it. The same thing happened at Christmas time. I am pulling away from him.

This is awful.

Has anyone here have a partner that doesn't brush their teeth. I think it's done out of a mix of things. Laziness, tiredness and his gums bleed easily so in an effort to joy make them bleed he doesn't brush his teeth.

OP posts:
Deathbyfluffy · 21/01/2023 21:38

Rather than the usual LTB replies, have you thought that his mental health could be suffering?
One of the first signs is often failing to care for oneself, it’s very common.

Sit him down, as him how he’s doing and have a good chat before you follow the usual nonsense advice and bag all his belongings up.

Scotblue · 21/01/2023 22:36

Deathbyfluffy · 21/01/2023 21:38

Rather than the usual LTB replies, have you thought that his mental health could be suffering?
One of the first signs is often failing to care for oneself, it’s very common.

Sit him down, as him how he’s doing and have a good chat before you follow the usual nonsense advice and bag all his belongings up.

I'm depressed. It's just after hitting me over the past fortnight. I am utterly utterly utterly depressed. Ever since going back after the Christmas break. I think there was something brewing for a few months. There's a few things not going great. I have an estranged sibling who won't leave me alone with her abuse and harassment. I have a job that is quite often demanding. I was so sick last summer with a few different illnesses. I hardly had energy. There were times when I stopped looking after myself - including a spell where I didn't brush my teeth. It was a short spell. It was brought on by a few different problems - a period of sickness and a period of great stress in work (up to 20 hours a day some work days last summer) and I just fell into bed. But I snapped out from that quickly and I enjoy brushing my teeth every night. I got more harassment over the past week and I am utterly utterly utterly depressed because that vile abuse is never ending. I feel sick. But I am not ignoring my teeth and oral hygiene.
I think I have depression. I am finding it hard to wake and get up in the mornings and eating is chaotic too. I think there is something there.

I don't know if he is depressed. It doesn't look like it. He gets up every day and he enjoys going to work and also visiting his parents and family every day and he's always busy. It's always him that will suggest going out and over the past month I made excuses to spend less time with him. Not because of his breath thing but I just don't have it in me right now.

OP posts:
Purplenurple81 · 21/01/2023 23:56

I had an ex like this. It never even occurred to him to clean them. One of the reasons we broke up. I have had various teeth issues for years, because mine are hypersensitive but he somehow got away with never having fillings etc (when I was with him) and I genuinely resented the pain I felt despite my dental hygiene when he had zero.

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 22/01/2023 00:02

It’s an absolute turn off. You have to discuss it with him, it won’t change otherwise. There’s a brilliant mouth wash called CB12, keeps the bin smell away for hours. Sounds like he needs an electric toothbrush and a waterpick. Why are some men so gross, it’s such a turnoff.

JustKittenAround · 22/01/2023 04:59

He isn’t pleasing you sexually… sexuality is a basic human need. I would not put up with that. I have friends and family who I support and love. But a partner is someone I expect to meet my sexual needs. Women having sexual needs is very valid and often overlooked.

free yourself. Please. You deserve better than someone who doesn’t care about themselves because they won’t be able to care about you.

plus gross.

Boundaryqueen1 · 22/01/2023 05:35

It is a really tough one. I think you need to ask him if he has a fear of intimacy because he is putting something between you both. Is he a hoarder as well? My DH had years of therapy to deal with this issue. I think it stems from needing to keep people at arms length. Hoarding/ not setting boundaries and poor personal hygiene are all techniques for keeping loved ones at a distance and they need to be examined and changed.

Foxywood · 22/01/2023 05:53

I would buy him an electric toothbrush and
tell him why and you need to see your GP. you don’t sound as if you are in a good place to deal with a separation right now.

MiddleParking · 22/01/2023 05:53

Could be worse OP, you could have no boyfriend at all, and as you’ve clearly recognised, that would be the worst thing in the world.

Scotblue · 23/01/2023 17:21

I can't believe that there's men out there, my Mr being one of them who bags themselves a woman and thinks their job is all done. He was eager to marry quickly but I slowed that one down. Now I am thinking why he was so eager to marry quickly. Was he planning a quick marriage so he can stop trying with himself.
I am horrified. Imagine if I stopped cleaning myself and turned up with filthy grease in my hair and stopped wearing deororant and stopped with other hygiene. It's bad.

OP posts:
IheardYouButDontWantToAnswer · 23/01/2023 17:24

Have you told him that his breath smells and he needs to clean his teeth (and tongue) properly? You should. Buy him an electric toothbrush, some mouthwah and floss. Make him a dental appointment (if you can get one). I did all of that with my husband. He's fine now.

YRGAM · 23/01/2023 17:30

For goodness' sake just tell him

strawberry2017 · 23/01/2023 18:01

Have you told him? You need to be straight with him and tell him his breath is horrible and he needs to brush his teeth.

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