DH calling DD “your child”

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I cannot believe I just heard this come out of his mount but DH called DD “your child”. DD is our daughter. DH was having fight with DD which I needed to step into. This made him even more angry. DD is pre-schooler and DH is adult so I don’t expect him to behave like this no matter what she does “to him”. He acts like a victim and then starts to say “your child…. doing this to me…” I’m in complete shock. What is this?! Who says that?

In what way were they having a fight?

I mean this kindly but I think you're overreacting. You both sound quite stressed.

I have and do about both DC to DH, as he does to me. I also use it to my DSis about our DB. It isn't serious, it just says are annoying or difficult, or even being silly. Obviously it depends on the tone used.

You are completely overreacting.

Totally depends on the tone and the situation.

My 13 year old DD is a right sarcastic madam and I will often say (jokingly) to DH "Oi! Sort your daughter out!"

@toomuchlaundry DD did not want to put on pyjamas. Which is just pre-schooler resistance to bedtime. Should not cause a fight between them. How can you even fight with pre-schooler when you are a parent.

Dude!! Chill!!! Massive overreaction. Go get a wine.

I do hope I’m overreaching but this was no joking or funny at all. I can see the posters examples and how could this be banter and could be funny.

But DH was saying it in aggressive tone. He was saying how “your child” is doing all these horrible things to him and how it is not fair… I mean grown man is blaming a little girl and calling DD her “your child” in angry manner

I say that all the time when I've had enough of dealing with them. Generally as a cue for other parent to take over. Doesn't simbas mum say it in the lion king?

You need to take a breath for real. This is such an overreaction.

You're massively overreacting. I've called dd dh's child multiple times! Eg "your daughter's got another detention"😅

Eh?! I say it most days.

@skippy67 yea I can see how that would be funny. I still can’t see any fin in DH this evening. Need to go to sleep really! Too late for wine @JesusHeKnowsMe 😵

I have said not to be funny, but becuase I feel done. I think you are overreacting..

If your partner is being aggressive in front of your preschoolers, blaming her for his reactions as well as hers & describing her only as your child then that IS a problem. You don't need 'to chill' he needs to behave like an adult.

I’m with you OP. In the scenario you describe, it is not OK and I would have reacted the same. They are not siblings that have rivalry - he is meant to be her parent FGS!

I think you will need to talk when things are calm. After all, she’s only a pre-schooler and he will have many more tantrums to overcome. Just wait til the teenage years.

I wonder if your reaction here is because of a larger pattern of behaviour that's worrying you?

@medianewbie he totally need to start the behave like an adult. But he does not seem to see what it means to behave like a parent. I don’t think I can make him see that either. I suppose I do all bedtimes going forward as they cannot be like this. Now I need to try to calm down and sleep.

@PussInBin20 I do not think how DH is planning to manage with teenage daughter when he gets completely in stuck situation with DD at preschool age. I’ll try and have a word with him. He can have good relationships at work so I cannot see why not apply what he does day in and out at home. We definitely need a talk.

I say this. When they behave a certain way they are definitely my husbands children. Other behaviour definitely "my child". Pretty normal I think.

But putting on pyjamas is not a battle worth having!

@pleaseandthankyou45 I have been unhappy with his behaviour towards me which is not physically threatening but just cold and often hostile and angry.

That is not great but it is even worse when I see DD and DH clashing and him not acting maturely. “Your child” could mean he literally sees DD as related to me.

I don’t have a child, but DH and I both say “sort your dog” about the dogs if they are misbehaving. Even though we both consider both dogs to be our shared dogs. DH sometimes addresses the dog as “Bertie [my surname]” when he is being naughty rather than “Bertie [his surname] which he generally goes as. It’s kind of a joke, an exasperated joke, nothing to read into it beyond that.

Might he be saying " your child" because you're the one who seemingly decides how to parent your child?

I think he was an arse.

Who actually talks like that about their preschooler?

Sulking and whining that she's "doing all these horrible things to him" and "it is not fair". Those are things a child would say, not an adult.

You are quite right. That's not how a parent should behave.