Dating and I think he’s mocking me ..

[Fiddledeedeefiddle]

So I’m dating a guy but I think I’m missing some red flags. He seems to constantly be trying to wind me up about the fact he thinks I’m posh, have a good job and drive a nice car. I certainly don’t go on about my car it is what it is, similarly my job. I thought it was teasing and banter but it’s fairly constant and I’m wondering if it’s a red flag?

Yes, tell him, but be prepared to dump him if he doesn't take you seriously, gaslights, or says he will change but ultimately doesn't. None of his behaviour is a good start, really.

If it keeps you awake now, it'll make you stabby in a year's time.

Life is too short.

He sounds boring as fuck to keep going on about it!

He clearly has a massive chip on his shoulder. This is not a healthy situation, get yourself out of it.

Actually it reminds me of a very annoying man I met through one of my hobbies, who for ages was trying to make me interested in him, and he kept harping on about me living with my parents whilst he had a flat. I was like... that's your personality? The fact you live in a flat? REEEEALLY? Needless to say we never ever got together (for a multitude of reasons, mainly the fact I didn't fancy him remotely).

Just speak to him about it. It doesn't have to be a heavy conversation but the next time he brings it up just say how it makes you feel. When I met my bf he had a tendancy to play devils advocate when I told him things and I just said that I wanted him to be on my side....he just stopped doing it, not a big deal, he just didn't appreciate how it made me feel until I told him. This could be an opportunity for you to begin having open and honest conversations.

He clearly sees you as doing better than him in life. It clearly bothers him.

He sounds like he wants you but at the sane time can't cope with the fact that you earn ax much or more, have the same car but a younger/more expensive and can afford to buy your food at pricier places than him.

I don't think this ever resolves. I find men like this keep trying to bring the woman down to feel equal or good.

I know male mechanics who are married to an IT consultant (though that guy brought family land into the marriage for their house site eyc. which was a big financial contribution), and a doctor; to the best of my knowledge they don't act like this, so there are men who can handle this but he does not appear to be one of them.

Chip on shoulder, inferiority complex etc does not make for a happy relationship.

And chemistry cannot sustain a happy relationship long-term in the face of the above.

In a related tangent, I always find it ironic how so many red pill type men complain that marriage is a trap/mess for men because if they divorce, women walk away with their assets ... Yet the same men are too intimidated by successful women to get into relationships with women who'd be bringing assets etc in too. Apparently education above a degree level is a turn off for men in OLD.

And usual they want everything both ways.

No - we’re both in our early 50s - I just haven’t experienced this before - have been very fortunate with a long marriage that just ran its course and a long term relationship which fizzled out. No dramas.

This, absolutely! After more than my fair share of negging frogs my current partner is genuinely my greatest fan and biggest cheerleader- its mind blowing and life enhancing in ways you can't imagine if you've never experienced it before. It literally makes everything in life that bit better. Yes, the negging frogs were charismatic and we had off the charts chemistry but being with someone who celebrates you for being you is absolutely magical. Listen to your gut instinct that's waking you up at 4am, its absolutely your best friend at the moment.

Even if he doesn't try to bring you down in some way due; him voicing his awareness that you, in his eyes, are better off than him on an ongoing basis puts you in a very uncomfortable position.

It is uncomfortable for someone to repeatedly hear from a prospective partner/partner that they notice/place importance on you having more money or assets or whatever. A tactful, wise, well adjusted person would not keep highlighting it, because they'd be aware that it's going to make you fairly uncomfortable.

Youve shown you don't care or you wouldn't be dating him, so why keep highlighting it and making you uncomfortable.

People have advised you to talk to him but in my experience this sort of chip doesn't change.

It's a fine line between admiration and envy and he crossed it.

At his age it's even worse. It means he hasn't got his shit together by mid life and is pushing his insecurities onto you.

Trust your instincts. He sounds completely unaware of himself. This will not be isolated! That's why you're up in the middle of the night. Listen to that voice.

Always good to meet another one in the wild!

My relationship began with "banter", he even said it makes him laugh and said 'if you can't take banter this relationship is going to be very difficult'

I wish I'd told him to get lost there and then. You have no idea nor want to have any idea how much I wish this.

Tell him to get fucked then walk out and never look back.

In that case please don’t waste any more of your life on him. Life, as we know, is very short and you’re worth much more than the crumbs he throws at you.

I'm in my 50s, honestly dating is a lot harder, there isn't the feeling that there's loads of good men out there available nor men that will like you back- when you meet someone that you like and connect with it can be a big deal. I don't honestly think this is a binnable offence; just tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable and you're telling him because you want your relationship to be open and honest. One of the things I like about my own relationship is that we call each other out when we aren't being our better selves....

That kind of sounds like "it's slim pickings so loer your standards".

You don't actually have to.

You don't have to be in a relationship at any time.

Op is comfortable and had had her kids, what's the necessity of a man? It's a "luxury" not a necessity and you don't have to lower your standards for a luxury.

His comments would make anyone feel uncomfortable.

Also I've rarely found the "just talk to thm" thing works when people's behaviour is off.

It doesn't alter their underlying character or issues.

He sounds a bit unintelligent which would really give me the ick

I had this with someone. He started doing it as 'a joke.' After two years he'd complain I worked too much, sent ranting messages about me doing qualifications etc.

When he started going out he was on £10K more. After two years I was on twice his income and it didn't go down well.

No you really shouldn't, & the fact that you are shows how pervasive & constant his nasty remarks must be.

Don't let anyone tell you that this 'negging', undermining behaviour will settle down if you just love him harder because the poor lad must be feeling insecure about your success. It won't. Like all abusive behaviour, it will escalate, until you are tying yourself in knots trying to appease him & halfway believing that you don't deserve the lifestyle you have worked for.

Thirded - as usual, Bonbon nails it it one.

Please take heed OP.
This man is dead set on cutting you down to a size he reckons he can dominate.

😂😂😂

Something tells me you've fielded one of these nobs in your own life Bazookas