Dating and I think he’s mocking me ..

[Fiddledeedeefiddle]

So I’m dating a guy but I think I’m missing some red flags. He seems to constantly be trying to wind me up about the fact he thinks I’m posh, have a good job and drive a nice car. I certainly don’t go on about my car it is what it is, similarly my job. I thought it was teasing and banter but it’s fairly constant and I’m wondering if it’s a red flag?

You could push back - ask him why he isn't more successful, why he doesn't shop at places with better products. Dies he laugh and back down or does he get nasty?

But really, why bother- if he sees conversation as a verbal battle of 'bantz' and that's not you, it could get pretty old pretty fast.

He sounds like a potential narcissist to me. The reason you feel such strong chemistry is that he is mirroring you. He can make himself anything you want but can't always keep it up and that's when it slips and he starts having little digs. The competitive busyness is concerning as no matter what you do, your day will never be a difficult/tiring/tough as his. He thinks he's fabulous, no one compares to him but you challenge that with your obvious signs of success so he needs to belittle you. Soon he may well start mocking your choices in front of family and friends whilst telling you to calm down its just teasing. He wants to dominate not support. He should be proud of you not running you down. Get out now. Look up how to identify narcissists and the red flags before he wrecks your life.

Negging. Insecure.

Dump, block, delete and move on. Dick is plentiful and of low value.

This seems harsh, but if you give a man any leeway for disrespect in the early days of a relationship they will take a mile.

Chemistry is just that, chemistry. It’s hormones.

DITCH HIM!!
If his insecurities are coming to the surface and making for ugly comments at dating stage you aren't in for a pleasant future.

If you marry this guy and have kids you are in for a lifetime of;

• having your self esteem undermined
• being in a battle about who is more tired / who does more housework/ childcare/ paid work etc
• second guessing your financial choices and feeling like you have to justify every penny spent on yourself
• probably financially supporting this twat, even if that means paying for him to go off on long weekends pursuing an expensive hobby whilst you take care of everything else

I would mention to him that it’s not funny, but is weird and annoying. And then that’s his last chance.

I'd you're lying awake at 4 am worrying about it, it's not right. Throw this one back and try again

@Pinkbonbon, 100% that's been my experience- although I didn't know it at the time.

Op, trust your instincts. Your gut is literally telling you to wake up. The fact you are kept awake and you posted is enough to suggest it isn't right

I’ve definitely experienced this with a boyfriend because I was a nice middle class woman with a professional job and he was the working class guy. I didn’t have an issue with his background but he was obviously insecure about it. My daughter ( 10) gets a little bit of shit about speaking “posh” from some members of our family raised elsewhere - she was born in Surrey and my DH is well spoken. It is what it is. She’s not going to sound like a coal miner from Yorkshire is she? It’s very telling that your boyfriend persists with it.

Yep, definitely negging you. It could be conscious (pick up artists teach it in their classes), or unconscious, which indicates his unconscious biases about what he thinks the balance of power should be in his relationships, but either way it’s intended effect is to knock your self esteem down a peg or two, dressed up as ‘humour’ so he thinks he has a legitimate excuse if called out on it. Well done for realising it is having a detrimental effect on you, and I have to agree with PP that it only gets worse. I know you like him but believe me yep, it’s a big red flag and this behaviour does so much damage over time.

Exactly so dump him

It sounds like you have everything going great in your life, so don’t taint it with this loser.

Get him in the sea, and find someone worthy.

Yuck yuck yuck. The classic chip-on-shoulder negging. How unattractive. ‘Posh’ is never a compliment with these people.

I also believe that constant ‘banter’ is a red flag 🚩 in itself. Usually means someone is incapable of serious conversation and is only willing to hint at their thoughts rather than say them.

I dated someone like this many years ago. It became clear to me that he resented me and that was never going to change. Get rid.

Hi fellow FDS-er!

Agree. This one is a no. Yes, you could explain to him why his behaviour is a problem but

a) women are not rehab centres for poorly socialised men
b) if it's this hard this early it's not going to get better

He needs to go in the bin.

He sounds annoying. I’d either tell him to rein it in because you don’t find it funny, or finish it.

He’s either insecure or a total bore with nothing else to offer.

The test is to say you don’t like it & if he doesn’t stop, LTB.

Massive red flag OP!!

This is nasty behaviour OP, and it doesn't get better. It might seem innocuous now, but if you accept this now, it will continue at an ever so slightly increased level, and gradually it'll break you down so slowly that you don't notice that your tolerance for bullying is becoming higher and higher as the relationship goes on, and you'll end up thinking there's something wrong with where you buy cheese or the car you drive.
Lose him now - your gut is waking you up in the small, quiet hours to get your attention because you might not hear it in the light or when you're with him. You can be proud that your instinct is working so well that you're picking up on this now!
Apart from anything else, finding a partner who celebrates you and is proud of you is the absolute BEST. When I was younger, I worked with a man who was pretty successful in his own right, and sincerely referred to his wife as 'my brilliant wife' when he spoke about her and only ever spoke of her in glowing terms and it was so wonderful and refreshing to hear, when I'd really only ever heard wives referred to in 'the old ball and chain' narrative. Listening to this guy talk so adoringly about his wife completely changed my perspective on what I wanted from a partner (I kissed many, many frogs but found a good one in the end and he is my biggest fan, it's amazing.)
It's ok to want someone who thinks you're brilliant and builds you up, who talks you up to people he meets - in fact, that's absolutely what you deserve! Lose this jealous small man and make way for someone who wants the best for you.

Don't drop your standards for chemistry, it's not worth it, I learnt the hard way. Find someone on your level.

And I really probably shouldn’t be lying awake at 4am worrying about it

trust your feelings
if someone does this it’s not a match for ya

I’ve learnt this the hard way

I guess it boils down to the fact that these might not be red flags for some women but they are red flags for you. And your feelings are valid - you should listen to them. Sexual attraction cannot sustain a poor relationship long term.

FWIW he sounds like a pain in the arse.

OP, please don’t take this the wrong way but are you relatively young eg under 30? Please listen to some of the possibly older and certainly wiser women here who say DUMP HIM. Please. He’s not worth a second more of your time and certainly not worth worrying about at 4am.

Find a partner who loves the socks off you and makes you glow with positivity and joy.

I had one like this. His excuse for everything was that I was ‘rich’. ( both my parents worked, went to non paying grammar school, worked hard to go to a good university = rich), and he was ‘poor’ - even though at the time he earns more than me!

I noticed after a while that his chip was so enormous, it was stopping him getting promotion , because he saw - and told- his bosses that they were lucky and privileged, too. That didn’t go down well.

I met my DH when he was my client! I’ve been his client , too. Sometimes I’ve earnt more than him, sometimes vice versa. You want a partnership , not Mr Snippy. Good luck.

Never ever question your own boundaries.

It doesn’t matter what people here think about this situation - I like cheeky humour etc but in your scenario it’s your gut telling you that you are not comfortable with how things are unfolding.

Listen to it - it is there for a reason

And like others have said sacrificing boundaries for sexual chemistry isn’t wise.

You could allow yourself one last session though before you stick the knife in! 😝

He's jealous, insecure and feels threatened. I get it as I myself suffer greatly with crippling feelings of inadequacy but I do my best to make sure it doesn't impact my relationships. I think you need to get rid.

This. Tell him.