Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I message colleague

37 replies

GiraffeInABath · 19/01/2023 17:12

For reference: I’m 27, colleague is 32 and he is in a senior role to me but in an entirely different department- could never be my boss or have any influence over my career/promotion due to different sectors and roles albeit in the same organisation.

colleague started in September and was instantly flirty- difficult to explain but lots of eye contact etc. I then worked away for one month- on my return he stopped me in the corridor to ask where had I been? He thought I had left after only meeting me one month before but noticed my abscence. We don’t see eachother everyday due to working in different roles and sectors albeit of the same large organisation. Everytime he sees me he smiles, raises eyebrows etc even when with his boss. Last time I saw him we were flirting, he initiated conversation and had a nervous laugh- even joining in with other colleagues in a conversation praising me. He then added me on Facebook a couple of days later, we only have one mutual friend (from a workplace in a different part of the country) so I presume he searched for me rather than me being a ‘people you may know’ suggestion. We’ve now been fb friends for a few weeks and I haven’t seen him at work due to annual leave, should I just message him or is that desperate? I normally follow the man must message first stance but as he added me first, I don’t know if that is his first move?

OP posts:
Needanewnamebeingwatched · 19/01/2023 17:32

Is he married, I'm a relationship?

Tread carefully

Parrotid · 19/01/2023 17:33

If you know he’s available, do it!

GiraffeInABath · 19/01/2023 17:37

From stalking his Facebook he appears single- no tagged posts from any girlfriends on his birthday, all pictures with women are in groups etc. I’m really tempted to!

OP posts:
Whatmarbles · 19/01/2023 17:38

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Iamthewombat · 19/01/2023 17:42

So he flirts, raises his eyebrows, adds you on Facebook but can’t ask you out?

He might just be an incorrigible flirt (nicked phrase from Jane Austen)

Treacletoots · 19/01/2023 17:43

Tricky. Not that I live in the 1920s or anything, and expect a man to make a move but I generally find if someone was interested, they'd make the effort, above and beyond sending you a Facebook invite.

Which yes, Facebook would recommend someone who only had 1 link in common.

Saying that, it's better to have regrets about what you did, not what you didn't do, so why not. Sounds to me though that he's gay, but I'm obviously projecting from my spectacular dating history😂

Zanatdy · 19/01/2023 18:11

Message him. I’ve recently started dating an ex colleague and pre covid we spent a lot of time chatting and he told me he was single, I told him I was single, he mentioned taking me out but then covid hit! Arghh. I was so gutted especially when I found out he had moved jobs in the 2yrs we spent away from the office. I saw him again a couple of months ago and we had a hug, then he messaged me and asked me out for a drink and we are now an item! He said he was so close to asking me out pre covid. I doubt you’re reading the signs wrong but why not start with a general hello how are you message, test the waters etc

JupiterFortified · 19/01/2023 18:13

Do it, the worst thing he can say is no x

GiraffeInABath · 19/01/2023 18:45

Argh ok! What should I say? We have quite a light hearted/banter chat at work

OP posts:
supercali77 · 19/01/2023 18:51

Why not just comment on his next post/photo? That way it's opening the option for dialogue without getting all caught up in 'what should I say' etc

GiraffeInABath · 19/01/2023 18:52

The issue is he doesn’t seem to post- as in last post was a couple of years ago! I am very similar, I rarely post but scroll the app often

OP posts:
Michellebops · 19/01/2023 18:54

Maybe look for a wee meme that you could send him via messenger?

I've been following dark Disney which has a lot of funny memes about colleagues which may have one you could sort of relate to and strike up a starter messaging

Aubree17 · 19/01/2023 18:57

Id see if he tries to progress things.

If you do message him keep it mega casual. Ask how his holiday was....

JustJamie5 · 19/01/2023 19:13

Ooooh message him. It could turn out to be the best decision of your life. And you’ve already spoken to each other, just go with something you would normally say.

I know this is easier said than done but don’t overthink it… if it’s meant to be, then it’s meant to be with who you are so just relax and be yourself ☺️

oh and tell us what happens! Not sure how true this is but I think even with online dating etc. most people still meet at work… so the odds are in your favour!

ShirleyValentin3 · 19/01/2023 20:22

You've got absolutely nothing to lose. He added you as a friend. Messaging is simply what a friend would do!

Keep us posted!

Moonface31 · 19/01/2023 20:26

If you looked at his Facebook first, you may well have come up on his suggested friends, just as a little aside; he may not have searched for you!

WetBandits · 19/01/2023 20:29

Ah fuck it, I would! Shy bairns get nowt 🙂

Good luck, let us know how it goes!

bigslapper · 19/01/2023 20:46

Oooh, exciting! I don't think it matter either way if you do/don't message - he's going to return to the office at some point, right? So it's not like some random bloke you won't see again. You can just make the message casual.

Is it true that if you search for someone on Facebook your name shows on the friend suggestions? (oops!)

Keep us updated on what happens OP!!

GiraffeInABath · 20/01/2023 16:57

I messaged him just now! It took me re-reading this thread for the confidence but I sent a ‘hey, do I know you? 😂’ message… hopefully he gets that I’m being lighthearted/teasing and has a witty reply back. So far he hasn’t opened the message so I will wait for him to open it!! Will keep you all updated

OP posts:
ShirleyValentin3 · 20/01/2023 17:27

Eeek! That's exciting! Keep us posted 😆

GiraffeInABath · 20/01/2023 20:03

He replied!! ‘Well I think you know but I could be mistaken, are you the exceptionally pretty accountant from our CanalSide office?’ (Not actual role nor workplace!) argh!! So happy!

OP posts:
IjustbelieveinMe · 20/01/2023 20:17

That's great!! Exceptionally pretty wow! 😍

Conkered · 20/01/2023 20:56

Ooo exciting!!!

NoraVanDoogle · 20/01/2023 20:57

Oooh I’m more invested in this than Stormzy and Maya… 🤣

any update?

Jellybean2023 · 20/01/2023 21:00

I wouldn't do it, only because in my early naive 20s I got burnt by workplace relationships... play it cool and see what happens in real life.