Page 3 | I messaged my ex after 2 years ...do I look pathetic?

DarceyG · 19/01/2023 17:37

Ignore people who are saying you are pathetic. They’ve clearly never been through the horrendous ordeal with a narcissist. You need serious no contact and that means not looking at his social media. There’s some horrible people in the world and sometimes they show up disguised as amazing wonderful people.

You never want to stay part of a narcissists life for any reason. Make him dead to you because essentially he is dead inside there’s nobody home.

Liveafr · 19/01/2023 17:41

ohpinkgorl · 19/01/2023 14:43

Can I redeem myself now or not so I don't look as pathetic ?

Yes, get on with your life. Plan your next trip, do something extraordinary this weekend, sign up to meetup website and meet new people.

user8545 · 19/01/2023 17:43

Omg you didn't 🙈

Amuseaboosh · 19/01/2023 17:46

ohpinkgorl · 19/01/2023 14:04

Ridiculously I text my ex ..not just any ex but my narcissist ex who basically broke me.
Mental abuse,did and said some awful things to me then discarded me.
He thought highly of himself ,gaslighted me and nothing was ever his fault ...then called me the narcissist (I never used that word -so I'm assuming his ex's thought the same )
All his exes were "crazy "
Anyway he moved on (as they do ) and I've been okay -I've dated others etc
Yesterday in a moment of weakness I text
"Hi hope your well,I would really like us to be friends ,can I add you on Facebook ?-i have thought about you non stop for the last two years"
Anyway he read it and Didn't reply
Shocker

Have I made a total idiot of myself ?
Please be honest

Don't ever demean yourself again by contacting him.

Read your OP, all the reasons are there.

You are worth so much more. Step away. Block and move forward.
He knows he has power over you. Work on yourself and get over this. You will be so much better for it in the future.

LaLuz7 · 19/01/2023 18:31

DarceyG · 19/01/2023 17:37

Ignore people who are saying you are pathetic. They’ve clearly never been through the horrendous ordeal with a narcissist. You need serious no contact and that means not looking at his social media. There’s some horrible people in the world and sometimes they show up disguised as amazing wonderful people.

You never want to stay part of a narcissists life for any reason. Make him dead to you because essentially he is dead inside there’s nobody home.

I've been with a narcissist in the past and hand on heart I'll be the first to say that I was my most pathetic idiot doormat self when I was with him. Utterly utterly pathetic and disgraceful.

I know full well what being with a narcissist does to you and I will still not hesitate to call OPs behaviour pathetic. Sorry... it is what it is.

DarceyG · 19/01/2023 20:03

Yes, I was pathetic too at the time. I wouldn’t have called him 2 years later but we make mistakes. I’ve had 2 in my life one of them contacted me 10 years later!

Original poster

ohpinkgorl · 19/01/2023 21:25

I know I sound pathetic and I probably am
It's quite sad I'm still thinking of him two years later

OP posts:

Chattycatty · 19/01/2023 21:34

Stop thinking of the nice him remember the bad because that's what you are going to get back IF he decides you are worth replying to. Just block him now then you won't be waiting for a message.

Ginger1982 · 19/01/2023 21:42

Yes, sorry you have been. Telling him you've been thinking about him non stop for 2 years? Come on. You have probably just made him feel great and not replying is him thinking he's still in control.

Shoemadlady · 19/01/2023 21:47

I feel so sad for you that you can't let such a loser go but understand it hurts a bit. Don't be a glutton for punishment though.
Some counselling might help you, why do you keep going back to someone who clearly doesn't care for you? Do you not feel you expect any better or that you're worth more than that?
You ARE worth better than being treated with so little care. Say it to yourself in the mirror and block him x

Notsandwiches · 19/01/2023 22:25

How desperate are you for attention?

simplefree · 19/01/2023 22:31

Yes
Block everywhere and move on

ReneBumsWombats · 19/01/2023 22:31

ohpinkgorl · 19/01/2023 21:25

I know I sound pathetic and I probably am
It's quite sad I'm still thinking of him two years later

Are you actually trying to get over him? Do you want to?

IDontWantToBeAPie · 19/01/2023 23:17

The real him is the bad him OP. The good bits aren't you glimpsing his true self... they're him manipulating you to stay with the true him which is the bad one.

Fullsomefrenchie · 19/01/2023 23:21

It’s the telling him you’re pining after him that’s bad. That you’re thinking of him non stop, I think you need some help, as to why you’re wanting your abuser back

Verbena87 · 19/01/2023 23:28

You’re labelling yourself as the bad person ‘pathetic’ ‘sad’ and him as deserving of respect and attention. Fuck that shit.

Try giving yourself the respect and benefit of the doubt you’re giving him here. He doesn’t actually deserve it, but you do 👍🏼

Dery · 19/01/2023 23:35

OP - make this rather daft action work for you. Take it as a sign that you need to give yourself some serious love and care. It doesn’t matter what he thinks. It does matter that he’s living rent-free in your head. This can be your catalyst for changing that.

SunflowerTed · 19/01/2023 23:40

ohpinkgorl · 19/01/2023 14:04

Ridiculously I text my ex ..not just any ex but my narcissist ex who basically broke me.
Mental abuse,did and said some awful things to me then discarded me.
He thought highly of himself ,gaslighted me and nothing was ever his fault ...then called me the narcissist (I never used that word -so I'm assuming his ex's thought the same )
All his exes were "crazy "
Anyway he moved on (as they do ) and I've been okay -I've dated others etc
Yesterday in a moment of weakness I text
"Hi hope your well,I would really like us to be friends ,can I add you on Facebook ?-i have thought about you non stop for the last two years"
Anyway he read it and Didn't reply
Shocker

Have I made a total idiot of myself ?
Please be honest

Yes you’ve been foolish. Sorry

Dery · 20/01/2023 07:27

And as PP have said - you don’t want another partner like him. Have you read Women Who Love Too Much? You might find that helpful.

Wibbly1008 · 20/01/2023 07:29

Well that gave him a spring in his step for the weekend. Block his number and delete it. You are trying to recreate your own misery. Stop yourself and take control.

Hiddenvoice · 20/01/2023 07:35

The way you’ve described him is not in a positive light, it seems he still has such a strong hold over you.
I understand why you messaged him, it was a moment of weakness but I’d just leave it be now.
He’s not replied which I’m sorry to say he isn’t interested but I’d worry that he’ll try contact you at a later date, saying everything you want to hear but he’ll
be doing it to use you.
Use yesterday as a lesson that you now need to focus on moving on. Stop comparing him to others, when you find yourself doing this, pause and think back to all the terrible times. You’ve said he broke you, don’t let him ruin your future.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 20/01/2023 07:38

BrookeD · 19/01/2023 14:12

You need to work on your self esteem. How can you recognise he 'broke you' but then still want any contact with him?!

This. Do you have any access to professional counseling?

emptythelitterbox · 20/01/2023 07:51

Get some counseling and do the freedom program.

You also need to make the list.
You still have this arsehole on a pedestal and the list will help you knock him off it once and for all.

Write out a list of the most terrible things he's said and done to you and whenever you think of him fondly, get the list out and read it over and over until those nice feelings pass. Eventually you'll feel anger about him and then disgust and then you won't think of him at all.

Outtasteamandluck · 20/01/2023 08:11

Yep. Nothing more to elaborate on.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.