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Original poster

Is he telling the truth?

41 replies

kimtuition · 18/01/2023 11:24

Just before Christmas I went onto my husbands phone and it opened up onto his Insta account. The video that started showing was of a young lady dancing in the smallest set of underwear known to man and all the videos on this account were the same sort of soft porn (he was also "following" this account).

I was a little taken aback (probably shouldnt be as he is a man...not man bashing but...) and I noticed all the "suggested reels" that his algorythm has thrown up were also very young women in various states of undress doing various acts. I dont know why but but I got a little suspicious so then i went into his "recent searches" to see what he has been looking up and there was nothing there expect 3 searches which all had the word "teen" in the title.

When I confronted him he said he has no idea how those "recent searches" have got there and that he was totally innocent. He claims that all the content is there because his friend sent him a link to a page and since then all these girls' accounts are being suggested. He says he is really really sorry but I cant help feeling there is more to it. Im not an insecure or paranoid person so the fact that I cant get past it is setting alarm bells ringing even louder - he has never done or said anything that would make me suspicious before.

I have tried to check if it is possible for something in your recent searches can be algorythm based but I keep getting varying answers and was wondering wether there are any Insta experts on here that can give me a definate answer.

We have 5 children and the thought that he is specifically looking up teens is absolutely disgusting but, if he has not been doing it then I might be able to move past it all.
He is 52 and not a prolific social media person.

To accuse someone of being interested in young women is awful if its not true but if it is true....

Grateful for amy practical advise here.

OP posts:
ICanHideButICantRun · 18/01/2023 11:28

I wouldn't believe a word he said.

nutherwun · 18/01/2023 11:32

He's lying.

Freshair87 · 18/01/2023 11:38

Looking at my recent searches it is everything I have actually searched for (newest at top) and nothing from my algorithm. Any vids I've also been sent hasn't made anything appear in my search list

Bookworm20 · 18/01/2023 11:39

Ah OP, his account must have been hacked or something. Or he accidently clicked something when his phone was in his pocket, or a mate was messing around on it one night so must be from that......

I do feel for him, poor lamb,
It happens so often doesn't it? I mean the number of men that have these things happen to them when they didn't do anything and are totally innocent is shockingly high. Something really needs to be done about it.

Or

Hes lying of course.

  1. He is actively following this womans account. Not stumbled across it, or clicked on it from a 'friends link'. He is following it.
  2. His algorithm shows he views that sort of stuff most of the time, or at least a decent amount of the time for it to show up as suggestions.
  3. Search history is what someone has physically typed into the search engine. If its there as as search, someone on his phone/pc whatever has actually typed that in as a search term.

All those things are total coincidence? and he says he didn't do any of them?
Right ok then.

23mum · 18/01/2023 11:40

Definitely lying

Canabelievethis · 18/01/2023 11:42

Has he deleted these social media accounts now? Do you have open access to his phone, laptop etc? I would demand this from now on until you have more evidence. He is not to be trusted and certainly worrying with 5 children in the house. Good luck OP.

Emmamoo89 · 18/01/2023 11:43

He's definitely lying

MintJulia · 18/01/2023 11:44

He's lying.

Usergjdksndjsn · 18/01/2023 11:45

My insta suggests searches when I click the search bar.
they’re not things I’ve specifically searched for, but they are related to my search history or the things I like and follow
eg ‘healthy recipes’

I don’t think it matters too much if they’re real searches or not, but if he is liking and following young looking women in underwear I think it’s a bit dirty old man territory and I wouldn’t be into it at all, even if the ones he was looking at are technically legal.
as it is, it looks like he’s either searched ‘teen’ something or Instagram thinks, based on everything else, that that is what he’s into. And either way I wouldn’t be ok with that.

billyt · 18/01/2023 11:46

What a liar!

Everything in my search history are things I have searched for. Nothing there is from 'a link my mate sent me'

Searching for teens to letch over is just wrong

PeekAtYou · 18/01/2023 11:46

My recent searches are things that I actually typed in.
The algorithm does suggest similar posts to the ones that people watch but he did not just watch one and his recent searches auto filled with more dancing.

cosmicbabe · 18/01/2023 11:49

Lying.. You can see who he follows

h3llodarkness · 18/01/2023 11:55

First of all, he is 100% lying.

Second of all, does it matter? He's not cheating on you. And looking for 'teens' doesn't mean children, it means young adults. No problem with that IMO.

nutherwun · 18/01/2023 11:56

Something weird happens to some men when they reach late forties/fifties. They become much more attracted to very young women.
I have a theory it is related to what used to be termed 'the midlife crisis'. It is them realising their own mortality and it shocks them that when they look in the mirror, an old face looks back. They want to re-live their early years and they do this vicariously through looking at and interacting with much younger women.

The theory that they're just 'dirty old men' who get turned on by deflowering young women doesn't really hold in most cases IMO. If you look at those men who, in their twenties and thirties, found women their own age attractive, then it's not that they've always been 'dirty old men'. There's something else going on, which is related to their fear of getting old/their own death.

They're stupid bastards though, they cannot see it for what it is, and they forget what's important, which is usually the middle aged woman who has accompanied them throughout their life journey!

Thisisworsethananticpated · 18/01/2023 11:57

The search button doesn’t lie

unless he’s re programmed google

so yeah he’s lying

problem is it’s out now , and you know what you know sadly

so when you are the beach you’ll worry
when you are naked you’ll worry
when the kids have teen friends over you’ll worry
when you are out you’ll worry that’s he’s back online

it’s going to basically haunt you and that’s NOT your fault or you being unreasonable

QueefQueen80s · 18/01/2023 12:01

Urgh yuk, another one. You have the ICK now and it will never leave you. You are with a 52 year old man who sleazes on teenage girls.. you are with one of "them". He will be eyeing up your teenager daughters friends or teenage sons girlfriend. Instead of seeing them in a purely fatherly way.
He is disgusting.

QueefQueen80s · 18/01/2023 12:08

nutherwun · 18/01/2023 11:56

Something weird happens to some men when they reach late forties/fifties. They become much more attracted to very young women.
I have a theory it is related to what used to be termed 'the midlife crisis'. It is them realising their own mortality and it shocks them that when they look in the mirror, an old face looks back. They want to re-live their early years and they do this vicariously through looking at and interacting with much younger women.

The theory that they're just 'dirty old men' who get turned on by deflowering young women doesn't really hold in most cases IMO. If you look at those men who, in their twenties and thirties, found women their own age attractive, then it's not that they've always been 'dirty old men'. There's something else going on, which is related to their fear of getting old/their own death.

They're stupid bastards though, they cannot see it for what it is, and they forget what's important, which is usually the middle aged woman who has accompanied them throughout their life journey!

This makes sense. I know a man like this, he is weak and constantly thinks back to being young again as the rest of his life he hasn't been too happy with. He longs to be 20 again when he was sleeping around with loads of women his age, and so engaging with young women now as a 40 year old, even just liking their picture, makes him feel somehow involved in their world and getting some validation. Sad and pathetic.
I have no desire to interact with teenage boys in any way other than motherly!

Aikko · 18/01/2023 12:10

Most likely he's been using Instagram as a soft porn site, looking up pictures/videos of young women, and most likely getting himself off to them.

I would imagine that a LOT of men do this, but that's not an excuse.

You have to decide if this bothers you and how you want to proceed, but I doubt he will change. This behaviour will be deeply ingrained and difficult to change.

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/01/2023 12:14

"I got a little suspicious so then i went into his "recent searches" to see what he has been looking up and there was nothing there expect 3 searches which all had the word "teen" in the title."

He's lying.

Searches listed have actually been entered in the past. If I enter the term 'liar' into a search bar the dropdown will suggest expansions ('liar liar', 'liar Netflix', 'liar meaning' etc.) but I have to actually click on one of them for e.g. 'liar Netflix' to enter my Recent Searches. Otherwise my Recent Searches will only show that I searched for 'liar'.

At the very least, whatever he typed in brought up that suggested search term, and he clicked on it. He made a deliberate selection. But with only three searches, all containing 'teen', it's far more likely that that was the term he entered. Deliberately.

twinkletwinkle89 · 18/01/2023 12:16

That is grim! I'd be keeping a very close eye if I was you x

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/01/2023 12:19

Oh gross. Of course he’s lying.

page1of4 · 18/01/2023 12:39

Come on, you know the answer. There is no way in a million years he would admit this, you know he's lying. I've lived with a prolific liar, they're convincing, but when you look back on this you'll realise how obvious it is that he's lying through his teeth! It's so obvious to everyone reading, there's no other explanation. Sorry op

idrinkandiknowthings · 18/01/2023 13:27

I work in criminal defence and this is a classic line from people caught with indecent material on their devices.

Quite apart from the betrayal of you - how teen exactly is teen? He could be committing an offence.

DoYou · 18/01/2023 13:34

I'm sorry that you are going through this. Of course you want to believe him but I can't see how it's innocent and I think that he is lying to you.

firstmummy2019 · 18/01/2023 14:17

There is a way of checking his deleted google searches too @kimtuition

If he is signed into google, click on his initials in the top right hand corner of the browser. Click on Manage Your Google Account. Then click on Manage your Data and Privacy. Then click on Web and App Activity. Then click on Manage All Web and App Activity.

From here you can see all google searches, even those deleted in the browser. You can search up key terms such as teen or escort and it will give you all the searches with dates too.

Got this tip of mumsnet and found hundreds of searches for escorts on my ex's google search.

Try it out and remember to take photos as he will delete and gaslight.

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