Help me write an online dating profile please!

[thirdtimeluckymaybe]

I've never written one. I'm normally confident but don't know where to begin!
I am looking for the same qualities that I have/ am myself eg independent , confident, self sufficient, chatty, family oriented, a worker, fun and most of all, kind and caring and then I have a list of things that I enjoy.
I am 48 and divorced with kids.
I know what I DONT want but dont Want to offend or hurt anyone.
I won't put photos up as I work in the community in public service ( think medicine) and don't want things to get awkward or weird which I know they can in the online dating world.
I can describe myself honestly ( physically) eg tall, dark haired , sallow, size 14 and would do this so it would outrule a man looking for different so as not to waste time. Is that a stupid idea?
I really don't know where to start with this . I hope you can advise.
I've been with quiet, work shy, emotionally bankrupt , introverted and dependent men in my previous life ... married to one.
I know I don't want these qualities but again I do t want to be rude or obnoxious.
Help! Please 😊

I don’t think you’re going to get very far without any pictures on your profile, sorry.

I had wondered that!
I really am not comfortable doing that yet only because I know that there are several men that I meet in a professional capacity on the local dating apps and I'm just not ready for that type of interaction yet, at least.

Tbh I agree with a pp that you probably won't get very far without a photo. Rightly or wrongly a profile without a photo would make me think that there was something fishy about them.

Don't be worried of putting photos on online dating. Would you meet a guy without a photo? As PP said unfortunately I don't think you will get many matches without a good photo.

My best tips would be don't take it too seriously, I had a few dates that felt like job interviews which is not a good way to start. Keep your profile light eg:

"Hi, I'm Puddleduck looking to find someone with common interests and hobbies. My hobbies are horse riding, politics and crafting. I work in the medical field. work is very important to me as is finding the right work/life balance to catch up with my family.

I'd rather spend my time indoors reading and baking than a hike in the mountains."

Make something basic without photos first and see what others have written. My biggest bug bear was guys saying they love water skiing to find out he did it once in his 20's on holiday. Or the "I like spending times indoors and also outdoors" "I like the gym but don't have the time now" just don't say it if you don't do it.

Good luck, there are plenty of normal loving people on internet dating 🙂

Perhaps go for one of the more costly membership sites if you want to limit the number of people who see your photos?

I did think about paying for a subscription.
I'm really not after anything than something genuine with a view to developing into something more serious with time.
I don't get out enough socially to meet people so this may be the way to go for me ! It's a bit scary to put yourself out there though!

You could consider putting a photo that isn't too identifying but at least gives am idea what you look like - one in sun glasses for example?

I wouldn't write too much to be honest - just mention a few things you enjoy doing and maybe give an idea of what you are looking for (no strings fun/serious relationship type thing). No point listing loads of personal qualities you want in the man, as most people will consider themselves to have a good sense of humour and be loyal and honest or whatever. But you could maybe say any definite nos such as no single dad's or whatever.

Good luck!

I think on Plenty of Fish you can have a profile but keep it hidden and message anyone you want to (only those people will see your profile and pix) if it helps.

However I wouldn't exactly say it was a shining light of online dating website!! but might be what you could do if you don't want to be public.

You have to put at least one photo of yourself on. Don't put one on with sunglasses, that's my bugbear when I'm looking through profiles and their only photo is them partly hidden! I just swipe left straight away.

Just put a nice face shot and one full length.

You can do the same on bumble if you go premium

Would most men even know what a size 14 looks like? Even as a woman, I know size 14 looks different on different body builds, shapes, fat distribution, muscle tone and heights. I suggest a photo that shows your figure - nothing indecent but I reckon most men are attracted firstly by your body shape particularly on those OLD apps. Use hats, glasses or poses to obscure your face. If you really don't want to post any photos I would state weight.

Keep your profile positive so instead of a list of don't wants, state what you actually DO want in a person.

Well, this is what the chat-GPT AI system came up with!

Hi there! I'm a tall, dark-haired woman with a sallow complexion and a size 14 figure. I believe in being upfront and honest about who I am, so I wanted to mention these things from the start to ensure that we're on the same page. I don't want to waste anyone's time, including my own.
I've had some bad experiences in the past with men who were quiet, work-shy, emotionally unavailable, introverted, and dependent. I've learned that these aren't the qualities I'm looking for in a partner. However, I don't want to come across as rude or obnoxious. I'm looking for someone who is confident, independent, and has a good sense of self. Someone who is open to communication, is ambitious and hardworking, and can make me laugh.
I'm excited to see what the future holds and looking forward to meeting someone special.

I have a similar privacy concern to you, OP. I also wouldn't like my almost ex husband to spot me. Do you also need to use your real name or do people not do that?

Apparently on Bumble you can keep your profile hidden. I'm hoping for more suggestions on your thread!

Why are you so concerned about being obnoxious?? If people don't like what you write, they won't be the right person for you. Nobody can say you're obnoxious for stating your preferences. You're not telling anybody they're wrong just by saying you don't want a relationship with them.

You will need a pic, but you could do as many men do and take it neck down and explain it's because of work you can't show your face. I suspect some of them won't even notice your face isn't there if they see boobs and hip shapes under clothes...

Just before Christmas, I opened a new profile on Feeld - I'd had a few months off dating, but a friend mentioned having overheard people talkkng about it, and I thought, haven't heard of that one. So I signed up. It's a bit more kink-orientated than Tinder and Bumble, or at least, people are more open about it there. And it's an annoyingly glitchy app when it comes to the chst function.

As I was only going to look around, I filled out the minimum info it would allow to let me open a profile - so I haven't said much about me at all. I've always swiped no on men's profiles where they couldn't be bothered to fill it out, but OMG, it's a revelation! At one point I had about 9 concurrent possibles, and I've had 3 dates (would have been 4, but one cancelled on Friday hours before it should have happened,) and would probably have been more if I hadn't been away over Christmas and been busy with work and stuff.

So in summary, not sure I'd spend too much time on a profile if you're looking for men, but I would if you're looking for women.

If you have their numbers, I'm sure you can block them on the app so they don't see you.

@nelanel you can block people from viewing your profile (assuming you have their phone number and also that they use this when registering)

Online dating is SO NORMAL. If someone sees your photo up so what? What's your privacy concern?

You must put a photo up, preferably several.

I think you must definitely include photos. Nobody will think worse of you if they happen to see you on there, it's so very very common. Including a full length one, because prospective dates will want to know what kind of body type you have.

(Although perhaps not Feeld eh! I'm on Feeld- WITHOUT identifying photos- and I ticked the "Bisexual" box. The amount of school mums, dads and neighbours I've seen on there! 😆 )

I disagree about the long profiles. You might get plenty of likes based on a profile with no bio, but will they be from the right people for you, that's the question?? (Also I have a theory that using long words on your profile keeps the dick pics at bay)

Agree with PPs about the positivity. Never say "I don't want", always say what you DO want!

I think there's an option to keep your profile private and only viewable by people you like first on the premium version of most dating apps. This is a concern for me too. I'm not embarrassed to be online dating but I work in education in a small city and hate the idea of students being able to see my profile... hopefully they wouldn't be swiping through women of my age group but still, the idea makes me shudder!

I’m afraid I agree in that photos are essential with online dating profiles. Part of the reason I’ve never signed up as I don’t want half the office knowing I’m on there. A colleague does OLD too and has told me people she’s seen on there, but they are also on there too. Even if you’re wearing sunglasses / in the distance I think you need a photo or it’s just not worth doing

I agree I think you should write it in your own voice otherwise your matches will be disappointed that the conversation doesn't match up with the 'ghost writer' that pulled them in initially.
I did say to keep it positive but if you aren't a 'look on the bright side' person then it's probably beneficial to write like you would talk in real life. That would definitely save everyone's time.

"sallow" sounds awful, and I say that as a black haired, olive skinned person! It sounds like you're ill!

There must be a better word?

And don't worry about being obnoxious. You're not friends with the people reading.

When I occasionally OLD I pay for 1 month on a site where it will only show the men you have swiped on your profile. It's way overpriced - especially as women are the product on those apps - and it does mean that apps are full of men that are doing the same and are not actually single. But I'm not dating with much expectation that I will meeting anyone I'd like on there, more like pretending I'm not dead from the waist down yet!
I like my privacy and not thinking every time I walk into a local pub that half the guys in there have seen me on tinder, or the postman etc etc.